Are you a turtle?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Well?

Are you a turtle?

Or are you gonna buy me a drink?

2

You bet your sweet ass I am.

3

You bet your sweet ass I am! :smiley:

(BTW: I keep my ass on my toy shelf in my cubicle at work, and it’s the sweetest ass you ever did see!)

4

I just know I’m missing something here, but for me (pending further information) the answer would be “Neither.”

5

You bet your sweet ass I am too.

(It will be interesting to see how many of the Doper pilots get this before everyone else…)

6

Fnord!

7

You’re ahead of your cue. That would have been appropriate if I’d have said “No, I have no armour”. “Blessed be” would have been better.

Still, I’m glad somebody knows this reference, not just the silly old game. I expect somebody to bring up things that are long and hard and full of seamen any minute now.

8

But didn’t we already cover submarines extensively, with the Kursk incident and the thing with the Japanese fishing boat?

Anyway, this is not a General Question. I think it might be an IMHO, so I’m moving it there.

9

Geez, I’m a pilot, and in the Navy, and I’m clueless here. :frowning:

10

I’ve known this since high school–many, many moons ago, (and you certainly can bet my sweet ass that I am a turtle) but I have no idea why pilots would be more inclined to know the reference.

What’s round and hard and sticks so far out of a man’s pajamas he can hang a hat on it?

His head, of course!

11

Oh, okay, I’ll let you off the hook.

http://ruaturtle.com/

(Note: The e-mail seems to be dead.)

12

I prefer the Monkees, but they don’t do state fairs any more, so Turtle will have to do.

13

Thanks for the link, JohnnyLA. Ok, now I get it (except for the owning a Jack Ass part, and the Fnord reference… keep in mind I never said I was in any way intelligent). Well, if I’d stumbled across that on my own, I would have walked away thinking, “Is this thing for real?” Apparently it is! So can I consider myself “iniated”?

14

I think it’s fairly obvious to those who know me that I am a turtle. I am not, however, a member of the Turtle Club, which is also fairly obvious, because if I were, I’d have to buy GrizzRich a beer. I do, however, know the answers to those riddles. This post would have been funny (to a few), except that Johnny L.A. let the turtle out of the bag.

15

How nice to find some other turtles! It’s hard to get internet access installed in your shell - I’m surprised there are so many of us!

You guys will never guess what happened out in my neck of the woods last week. Myrtle the Turtle stopped by the local bookstore for a booksigning! Myrtle!! Can you believe it? He signed my book and said (get this) that he liked what I’d done to my shell! Isn’t that great! A compliment from Myrtle! (For those non-turtles - this is like Martha Stewart coming by and complimenting your decor, or having the Cadbury Bunny say that your eggs are really tasty.) I was so pepped up afterwards that all my friends were like “Hey there, slow down. What are you, a tortoise?” It was great.

So - what do you guys think of Shell Ordinance 405?

16

From http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Palms/1396/turtle.html :

Sorry to let the turtle out of the shell, MrO; but part of the fun of being a Turtle is getting new members, eh?

flyboy88: No, you’re not initiated until you pass the test!

  1. What is it that a gentleman does standing up, a lady does sitting down, and a dog does on three legs?

  2. What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?

  3. What is a four-letter word ending in “K” that means the same as intercourse?

  4. What is it on a man that is round, hard and sticks so far out of his pajamas you can hang a hat on it?

  5. What is it that’s long and stiff and full of seamen?

  6. What is it that goes in stiff and dry and comes out soft and sticky?

Remember: A Turtle is pure of mind and thinks clean!

And you must own a jackass. A jackass is a Turtle’s most prized possession and each Turtle believes his ass is the sweetest one around. If a Turtle bets his sweet ass on something, you can be assured that he or she believes s/he will win the bet!

17

Well, from seeing your original link, I was able to conclude:

  1. Club origination seems to be a point of contention. What I read said it was a group of test pilots around WWII.

  2. No mention of any Jack Ass story

  3. They have a serious, chronic problem with the mispelling “iniation”

  4. The answers to questions 1-4 (shake hands, legs, talk, and his head, respectively), although no mention of questions 5 & 6… so my guesses are: submarine and gum.

  5. Any guy drinking beer in a pub, pondering the sale of his last prized possession so he can go to the track with a fistful of cash, with the ultimate goal of something pure/highminded, is all right in my book.

Now all I need to do is find a Jack Ass! Where’s my mirror?

18

  1. Yes. I think I read a thread a while ago where a Navy chief swore the club was started by Navy chiefs. The usual way I’ve heard it was that it was started by Army Air Force pilots.

  2. I only recently heard the jackass story. It may (or may not) have been made up to explain why the pilots’ asses are so dear to them. Test pilots in particular are known to put their asses on the line, and their egos are such that they are sure they can save their asses.

  3. You’d have trouble spelling too, if you had to spend so much time in bars looking for clean-minded people.

  4. :slight_smile:

  5. Right on.