Are you a Turtle?
You bet your sweet ass I am.
Myrtle? Is that you?
I hope this isn’t referring to “then why do you snap?” and then yanking a girl’s bra strap, which the boys did in elementary school to impress their peers.
Such mockery!
The Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles ("International Association of Turtles ", "Turtle Club ",[1]or similar title) started as an informal “drinking club” between American World War II pilots, self-described as “an honorable drinking fraternity composed of ladies and gentlemen of the highest morals and good character, who are never vulgar.”
I’m astonished no one figured out what you were referring to!
This thread is soooooo sloooooow. 
I did. My response was appropriate. I was waiting for my questions.
ETA:
This password must be given if you are ever asked by a fellow member, “Are you a Turtle?” You MUST then reply “You bet your sweet ass I am.”
Sadly, no. I wish I were.
Using the tortoise and the hare analogy, almost all of my problems in life have come because I insisted on using a hare approach - being erratic and sprinting and napping - rather than taking the slow plodding consistent methodical approach of the tortoise. Had I been a tortoise, I’d be in far better shape in life now than I am. “Slow and steady wins the race.”
And yes I know, a tortoise and turtle aren’t the same, but similar enough.
I’ll play, “What can a man do standing, a woman sitting, and a dog on 3 legs?”
Hey, just for the shell of it, why don’t we consider them the same?
Pee
It’s turtles all the way down.
Or shake hands/paws.
Other turtle questions, according to my late father*:
What’s hard and round and sticks out of a man’s pajamas far enough that you can hang a hat on it? His head.
What’s pink and goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet? Bubble gum.
There are apparently others in the same vein. Because turtles are high minded and never vulgar.
*My dad got inducted by a flight attendant (“stewardess” back then) who asked him the famous question because he was wearing a terrapin lapel pin. (He played football at Maryland.) Because of him, I’ve long known the answer to anyone asking if I’m a turtle.
In my tenure with the Turtle Club, you tried to ask the question in the OP (to which the reply in post #2 must be given) within earshot of a teacher or other authority figure, which would get the replying Turtle in hot water.
Another riddle was:
Q: Name a word that begins with “F” and ends with “UCK”.
A: Firetruck
You bet your sweet ass I am (and have been since 1968).
According to my card, if the required answer can’t be given for any reason the forfeit is a beverage of the asker’s choice.
No, for I wear no armor.
The name you have chosen does not make things better.
So am I. At least, that is the way I feel today.