As voting shareholders in my corrupt corporation, what are your demands?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Sure we need to do what the corporation was founded for the purpose of… but gosh we’ve got all this money and power…

2

Well, my nephew needs a job. He is a drooling idiot so nothing too hard, say VP of Intra-Departmental Vertical Syncronicity for the East Coast. If you do that, I’ll approve that gold toilet you want.

3

I’d tell you my demands, but they would probably be NSFW.

4

I think we can work something out.

5

That’s why we have codewords for hookers and blow… see the memo from February

6

I propose three classes of shares:

  1. Class A shares have the most liquidity and the least aggregate voting power. They can ratify the appointment of accountants and propose shareholder initiatives, but that’s about it.
  2. Class B shares have limited trading capability – mainly restricted to the intelligentsia of the SDMB – and have control over the board of directors and final say on the shareholder initiatives.
  3. Class C shares are the real ownership of the company. Do I really have to say who holds all these shares?
7

Well, I’ve been an admin all my life, so this time around, I want some damn minions.

Minions - that’s what I want. Minions of my own!

8

I think all of the company’s assets should be sold immediately and the proceeds, plus any cash on hand, paid out to stockholders as a stinking huge special dividend.

9

Are we going to approve the merger with the Lendervedder Group or what? I’ve got some stocks shorted that I want to act on.

10

The funny thing is, I was tempted yesterday to reply to the Lendervedder press release thread, and end my release with the following note (I kid you not!):

“The Lendervedder Group is an independently operated subsidiary of OpalCorp, a joint venture of the Congressional Wives and Evil Geniuses For a Better Tomorrow.”

11

Nekkid wimmens in the annual report

12

You do know our CEO’s career history, right?

13

I would like to ensure that my vague expense reports are approved without question and also that I have the ability to hire anyone I see fit to. Especially ones that have assets that benefit my organization. I’ll be in Nevada interviewing applicants if I’m needed.

14

Well no, I’m afraid I do have to put my foot down on this one. As I said we still do need to continue the corporation’s business.

15

We need good tax writeoffs. I know of a certain “charity” near the Studio City, ca area. A generous donation of say…5 million would certainly look good.

16

Yep, we go back a ways. She was the publisher of the StraightDope Cheesecake and Beefcake Calendar.

You may call me Mr. February.

17

I’d like a working coffee maker, please.

(Oh, and $10 million directed towards my personal expense account. As a… bonus for hard work. Yes. cough)

18

Oh, I’d completely forgotten about that calendar. Thanks for the reminder.

(The calendar never did get finished, did it?)

19

I demand that we have a new cover sheet for the TPS report every 17 minutes.

And tell me more about this calendar.

20

Opal I demand that the corporation hire my consultancy firm to determine what the available options might be for looting the majority of the funds available to it for the benefit of the important shareholders.

(Yes, of course you’ll get a kickback, say 25%?)