I’m 18, and for over 2 years I was chaste, when I finally found the right guy again, it hurt incredibly. After a while it eased, but I can’t have sex without lube. Losing my virginity didn’t hurt, and it never hurt 2 years ago, but having a pap-smear hurt incredibly.
I’m so glad that the pain has gone away. I imagine how bad it must feel for you. It’s good to hear you can orgasm though. I cannot, and my boyfriend has decided that it would be best if we didn’t have sex 
My doctor actually didn’t believe me that there was anything physiologically wrong until she, when doing the gyn exam, inserted the speculum and I screamed.
Do any of the women who have pain during vaginal intercourse engage in oral or anal sex? Also, does your condition hinder your enjoyment of receiving oral sex (if applicable)?
I would urge you to keep fighting, although I know it is hard. My condition is solely physical in nature. When it result from trauma of some kind, it can be more difficult to treat because it is very important to get to the underlying issues. As I explained above, one of my doctors (a physiotherapist) suggested to me that the pain and spasming is a natural defense mechanism, as a response to pain or trauma. For me, the endometriosis was the primary condition. That being said, I have met many women through support groups who have this condition as a result of a psycological issue. It has, relatively speaking, been very difficult for them to a. get a diagnosis and b. receive treatment.
This is more common than you would think. Doctors seem to still subscribe to the whole “hysterical woman” idea. I have had to educate many a medical professional that women’s pelvic pain should NEVER be dismissed out of hand. With over 10% of women suffering from Endometriosis, the first time a woman complains of pain should be taken VERY seriously. Especially during the gyne exam, which can be done much less painfully for women with this condition. To start with, you can ask for pediatric speculum, which is smaller and easier to accomodate. In addition, request that the lube be warmed to the touch, and that you be allowed to apply it initially or ask the doctor to walk you through step by step. A good gyne will alway warm her instruments. Before inserting the speculum, she or he should touch a non-sensitive area of your body, such as your outer thigh. They should explain to you step by step what they are doing and also check frequently to see if you are in pain at any time.
I’ll share my diagnosis exam with you. My gyne managed to get the speculum inside after much work. He then proceeded to do a deep exam, and he “lifted” my cervix, moving my reproductive organs around. The pain was so intense, I nearly passed out. This, is NEVER normal.
In fact, a gyne exam should only be minorly uncomfortable. It should not hurt.
I have many tips for helping to get diagnosed. If you’re interested I can share them here.
Its very common for women to develop endometriosis in their late teens or early twenties. For some women, they’ve had sex for years and the pain develops out of the blue. In fact, in my experience, it’s uncommon for women to have had pain from the beginning, which makes the loss of sex even more terrible, since you once knew how wonderful it could be.
Are you still dealing with pain issues? If so, you need to get a diagnosis. Also, MANY women have difficulty having an orgasm, and it isn’t always related to this condition. I have struggled with this too for years. I don’t know you, or your boyfriend, but I would argue that if he has decided you shouldn’t have sex because he’s worried about hurting you and doesn’t think you can enjoy it anyway, you need to educate him about your needs. However, if you’ve decided to have sex, that’s a different kettle of fish entirely.
Unfortunately, my endometriosis seemed to cause quite a lot of pain, and while I was in a relationship we never explored the anal sex. However, oral sex was doable, but occasionally the spasming from orgasm would cause pain.
I had a different form of it. Basically a combination of a retroverted uterus and physical and psychological damage from an assault made things very difficult for me.
In my case, because much of the problem was psychological (not the case in many women) what actually made the most difference was being with a man who loved and respected me and did everything he could to let me know that.
I was in pain because I couldn’t relax, I couldn’t relax because I didn’t feel safe,
then it hurt more, I felt less safe, I couldn’t relax etc. For me, what broke that cycle was that he knew the things that freaked me out and didn’t do them (sounds simple, but it wasn’t). I’m lucky, meeting someone who I could trust, and who understood me, helped me, but it’s not going to be the answer for most people.
The retroverted uterus thing definitely doesn’t help, they usually take about 20 minutes just trying to find my cervix when I have a smear test, and the last one was so painful I needed a hot water bottle and painkillers to deal with it. But in my experience that’s more a problem with deep penetration in certain positions, because your cervix is not where it’s supposed to be, and it gets hit.
That’s interesting. Sex was not painful for me to start. I’ve had a vaginal ultrasound, as well as a normal exam looking for anything unusual, and they haven’t found endometriosis. I’m fairly sure, due to the fact that it wasn’t painful before, that it’s not psychological.
Ugh.
Laur, I see from your profile that you are in Montreal. Please visit this website: http://www.mtlendo.com/
I found the gynecologist who treated my endo through an endo support group. Through them, I learned which doctors to avoid and which doctor to seek out. It was enormously helpful.
Also, it’s important that you, and every one who reads this message, understand that the ONLY diagnosis for endometriosis is explorative laparoscopic surgery. Ultrasounds and normal exams cannot detect endometriosis. Some family doctors don’t understand this, because an ultrasound can occasionally detect a chocolate cyst, which is a form of endometriosis.
With such a large majority of women dealing with pelvic pain, you’d think the doctors would be better at informing women about their condition. FYI, some common causes of pain with sex include:
- Interstitial Cystitis (http://www.ic-network.com/)
- Vulvodynia (http://www.nva.org/)
- Vestibulitis (http://www.vul-pain.dircon.co.uk/html/vestibulitis.htm)
- Endometriosis (http://www.endometriosis.org/)
- Chronic Yeast Infections
You may have to fight for a diagnosis, as I did. Whatever you do, don’t get discouraged, and don’t take no for an answer. The first step is getting in to a gynecologist who specializes in dysperunia (pain with sex). I would hit up that support group in Montreal for a recommendation. Whether the pain is psychological or physical in origin doesn’t make it any less real, and sex shouldn’t hurt!
As requested, I repost in this thread.
Looking at the list above, I remember that the fungus I talk about below is in fact the (Chronic) Yeast Infection mentioned last above, which is, as I understand it, one of the most common problems out there. Finally I would like to add that we were 20 and 19 at the time, and that the medication did in fact cure her fully within 10-14 days.
Thanks Rebekkah for this thread, I’m sure you don’t feel silly and imagine what an amazing change you’ll have made to someone’s life even if you’ve helped just one person with a similar problem!
Yours,
A.
Originally Posted by Arwin
As an interesting anecdote, my first time was a bit of a distaster (though after 2 months of wonderful buildup). My then gf thought it was supposed to hurt, but it hurt far too much and she ended up crying - I was shocked and knew enough about these things to be fairly certain that there was something wrong altogether.
So I managed to convince her that this couldn’t be normal and we went to her physician together and it turned out she had a fungus that made it all dry and irritable in there. Apparently this is a very common one, 1:6 or so women have a similar problem at any given time (suddenly makes me wonder how many there are who still think it is supposed to hurt … ), but you don’t always notice it (until …) .
To get to the point, the doctor mentioned that the fluids we’re currently discussing have many good qualities (very rich in proteins, minerals and so on), among which stuff that will usually cure and/or prevent such problems. I’m still laughing when I think about the look on her face when he told her that and she was a little shocked afterwards, and decided to go for the regular medicine option anyway (probably wise as that does require less friction even if it has an interesting application method).
In short, I just wanted to say that the stuff isn’t all bad (it tast pretty decent too, imho).