A (slightly tipsy) friend and I were discussing this a little while back and found that, for both of us, the close intimate act of shebangabanging was usually the cause of additional sensations other than pleasure. And not for any particular health reasons, more due to the mechanics of the matter. We’d come to accept it as a given.
This strikes me as something that can’t be (or at least shouldn’t be! Tell me it ain’t so) the case for most women. So I’m curious to know what others have experienced.
So, ladies of the Straight Dope, if you’ll forgive the request for deeply personal information, does sex hurt? Private poll to follow (assuming I’ve got this polling thing done correctly). Please feel free to share whatever you’re comfortable with sharing below.
(To clarify, by “sex” I mean sexual intercourse between two mutually consenting adults. Feel free to apply the question to either the act itself or the aftereffects, though.)
If I have sex a lot over a short period, yes, it’ll start to hurt. Normal frequency sex (ie: 1-2 times a day) doesn’t hurt at all though. Big penis, smaller penis, thick penis, thinner penis-- doesn’t make that big of a difference. Though I will say the only time it’s maybe a different sensation (not in a painful way, just not in a pleasurable way) is if it’s a really thick penis.
DiosaBellissima, I’m envious. Your “normal frequency” would be painful as hell for me to maintain for longer than a couple of days! Not even enough time to heal in between? Yowch.
What’s healing? It’s not like I’m getting ripped open down there or anything. Granted, that “normal” rate is given “normal” sex (ie: not particularly rough for fast). Obviously, if things are rougher than normal, that will certainly effect ability to maintain frequency.
I used to have a “bad” partner, and it usually hurt. With a considerate and skillful lover who makes sure the woman (me) is “ready” (lubricated enough) for penetration, it doesn’t hurt, with the rare exception (impatience, poor communication/feedback on my part, etc.). I suppose if I had sex 2-3 times a day several days in a row (way to go, DiosaBellissima!), I would need to “heal” a bit. But it’s sad to remember the days when I had to have a day or two to heal each time…and rarely had an orgasm.
Sometimes I have a little pain. My partner is well-endowed, and we tend to have what I guess you’d call deep sex. It’s usually quick pains, not the type of rubbed-raw pain I’ve had with other partners.
Oh yes, healing is usually necessary. Certain bad angles and I do tear, possibly bleed a little bit. After a particularly enthusiastic bout, I’m swollen/tender for at least a day or two.
My partner’s got to be one of the most considerate people in the world, but it happens anyway. Incompatability in size probably has something to do with it.
Exactly what I was going to suggest. Anybody answering “Yes, always, and enough to ruin proceedings/cause regret” or “Most of the time, badly enough to seriously dampen the fun” needs to see a doctor immediately. There are many conditions that can make sex painful that can (and should) be fixed, but that is in no way normal. At all.
Huh. I was expecting (hoping really) to be told I was in the minority, but the results so far are surprising me. I didn’t think it would be that lopsided.
Ferret Herder, DiosaBellissima, thank you for your concern. I had a clean bill of health the last time I went to the gyno, but then, I don’t think I ever actually mentioned this issue to the doctor. It’s been like this from the start, so I figured it was normal, y’know? If somewhat unusual. Just due to an unlucky mix of circumstances.
Another person reporting that no, sex is almost never painful (unless I want it to be). And I am sad for those people it is painful for! It shouldn’t be like that - overuse may make me sore like any body part but I probably have sex 5 or 6 times a week and it never hurts.
As for my occasional pain, when I asked my doctor during an exam, she said, “Hang on, is it sort of like this?” and bumped my cervix. I said yes, but maybe with a little more…finesse. Heh. Anyway, that’s what comes of the size issue, or my odd physiology.
Some positions get painful after a few minutes. Like they bang my cervix or something like that. I’m not sure of the exact nature of the problem. But it hurts enough to become unpleasant and I’ll indicate a need to hurry things along, either to finish or to move to a different position.
When I lost my virginity at 16, all sex hurt quite a bit for probably 6 months. I guess it just took that long for my body to get used to it, or stretch out, or something.
Why would anyone over the age of say 21 think frequent pain during sex is normal and healthy? The point of it, biologically, is to be fun so we engage in it to further the species.
Something odd I’ve noticed is that sometimes, if we’re having sex after not being able to for a week or so, I’ll bleed a bit. It’s not painful or anything, so I don’t know what’s up with that. We joke that my hymen grows back after going a few days without. :eek:
After my daughter was born and I went back on hormonal birth control I had a lot of problems with sex hurting. When it continued past what I thought was a reasonable “well, I just need to get back in shape down there” period and still hurt I talked to my doctor and tried the tricks he recommended. Finally, we found the right formula of lube + foreplay + Gothy reading some erotica during the evening that it wasn’t too bad. I almost always had an orgasm or 3 so didn’t really mind.
Then I went off the BC in an effort to conceive #2 and whoa nellie! Hormones are a wonderful thing. We had several months of the most frequent, fun and spontaneous sex we’ve ever had. No lube, no hours of prep needed. I’m currently in my third trimester and too big to do much in the bedroom, but I’ve vowed no more hormonal birth control. I won’t go back, I can’t!
I really recommend talking to your doctor about this issue. Don’t be embarrassed, I’m sure gynos have heard it alllll before. There are a lot of tips and tricks you can try to make it better. It’s so worth it. Sex shouldn’t hurt unless that happens to be your kink
Mention it to your gyno. Seriously. I went “WTF?!” during my first sexual activity where even fingers hurt, went off to the Student Health Center (one of the reasons I was glad I waited until college to get sexually active), and had a minor issue with some abnormal cells in the vaginal opening taken care of. It took a few visits but went away completely.
