"Ask the _____" threads I hope to never see

There’s been a recent revival of the “Ask the _____” threads and the inevitable backlash against them. Just to have fun with this, what are some “Ask the _____” threads you hope to never see? Here are mine:

Ask the Proctologist

Ask the Undertaker

Ask the Drug Addict

Ask the Guy Who Watched Battlefield Earth (or some other excruciatingly deplorable movie) And Liked It (okay, this one may actually generate some amusing questions and answers)

Ask the necrophiliac

Ask the coprophage

You don’t think that would be at least somewhat informative?
I’m curious, because my husband works at a funeral home and I’m constantly having to answer questions about his line of work. It’s something I figured someone would bring up eventually in all the ‘Ask the’ threads. You don’t think it would go over well?

Ask the Teenage Lesbian Zombie Tax Lawyer With Dreadlocks

Ask the philatelist

Ask the man with a baby jesus butt-plug up his ass.

Ask the turdburglar.

Ask The Two Computers, One Who Always Lies And One Who Always Tells The Truth

Most of these are ones I’d much rather see than the ones we have.

Ask the leper.
Ask the dead guy.

Who else saw the thread title and immediately thought of Proctologist?

Ask the Guy Without Internet Access

Ask the gynecologist

Sorry - I already have a list of questions for that thread…

Ask the 50 year old guy who lives with his mommy and spends all day in his bedroom eating cold pizza, viewing internet porn and posting on message boards.

Ask the trainspotter.*

Ask the guy who’s been sleeping with your wife for the last 5 years and is the father of at least one of your children.

Ask the serial killer who’s sitting in a van that’s parked outside your house while running a sharp knife lovingly over the photos he’s been taking of you for the last month.**


*Might be covered by my first suggestion.

**Might be covered by my first suggestion.

Don’t Ask the Man from Opposite Land.

I was going to do “Ask the Liar” but it seemed to be too much effort for too few laffs. “Ask the Guy Who Starts a Thread and Then Abandons It” was less effort, but again, not much laffs.

Ask the Troll might be slightly amusing depending on who started it and how wacky the questions got.

Ask the kitten-drowner.

Ask the Rush Limbaugh.

Ask the Masturbator

Ask the Partial-Birth Abortionist

Ask the Cannibal

Ask the Beastiality guy

Ask the guy who’ll just say “duh…I dunno.”

Ask the clueless newbee might be worth a laugh