MissTake, congrats to you. My MIL worked for many years as your counterpart in a small county in western Wisconsin. She, too, loved what she did - the percentage of people she was genuinely able to help made it worthwhile. It’s a hard job, which the system only makes harder. Thanks for doing it.
The courts could issue an order, setting the support at zero. That way if he returns to the US it would be easier for you to bring it back into court. Again, it’s at the courts discretion.
No, because unless there’s a written agreement, that which he’s giving her is basically a gift. If they do have a written agreement, the court usually will take it under consideration.
Definitely depends on the state and even the county.
I think in my case, he has decided he’s going to consider it a quarterly payment paid late because as long as he pays before the suspension, there is no immediate downside to him: he’s not charged interest (not sure if it’s my state or my court order, but I am certainly going to ask for interest when I file a modification some day, as his not paying costs me money to cover him), no one knows but me so there’s no social stigma, he still gets his visits, etc.
I’m not sure if my state reports to credit bureaus. Is that a standard thing? Does it happen the first day it’s late or when it goes over 90 days? I didn’t think he’d dare mess up his credit just to spite me.
Thanks for the input. I’ll feel less awkward the next time I call.
It’s not retroactive for the 3 missed months? What can she get in writing to prevent this? Just an informal note?
I gotta wonder if a big part of the child support/visitation drama stems from each parent living far away. If your ex-wife lived in another state, it probably is much harder to get custody of your kids since the judge will feel you would be uprooting them from what they know.
My wife and I both agreed that if we had kids and later got divorced, we would try and live close together and do joint custody. She makes more than me now and is more educated and I don’t anticipate her being the kind of woman to shake me down for child support money to pay for her Prada bags (unless I really went out of my way to piss her off in the hypothetical divorce, I guess 
).
I dated another single mom previously who had a personal arrangement with her babydaddy which seemed to suit them fine. It seems like coming to an agreement together tends to be more reliable (with the ex spouse more willing to pay, because if things get ugly they may have to pay more child support or deal with the beurocratic mess).
Among the professional women I know who are divorced, all were fine with sharing (i.e. 50/50, where feasible) custody with their ex spouses. Their job and lifestyle meant having the other parent take care of the kids half the week helped. While they weren’t willing to give up custody alltogether they were civil about it, didn’t need the money and so didn’t press the issue, and many encouraged their kids to continue to develop their relationships with dad in spite of the divorce. While I know this is a rosy way of looking at it, it just goes to show it IS possible, and I wonder to a certain degree it really boils down to being careful with who you date/marry/have kids with.
I don’t believe in 50/50 physical custody because I’ve never seen a case where it worked out. Most of the people who pursue it are men who never showed the slightest interest in the kids during the marriage (and this is often why the marriage failed to begin with) and think this will get them out of paying child support, and then withdraw the petition when he realizes that he’s actually going to have to take care of them.
:rolleyes:
Obviously if they are doing it to get out of child support it won’t work well. Or if one spouse can’t afford to live close by.
Other than that, if the Dad WANTS a relationship with his kids, I would think its ideal. It minimizes the burden of childcare for the primary parent, and the child gets to spend an equal amount of time with both parents.
I believe all States charge interest. Ours varies year to year, some states do a flat percentage. Reporting to credit bureaus also vary. Some are a certain number of months, whether the charging is $50/mo or $500/mo and some are a minimum threshold for reporting. I would Google (your state) child support. You should be able to find a ton of information through the State site. And, remember, your worker is there to answer your questions and concerns. We know the system and a large part of what we do is educating you so you can make the system work for you.
Without a written agreement, signed and dated by both parties, he’s basically gifting her money every month. If he chooses to quit paying, she has no recourse. Now, if he writes her a check every month and notes “child support and alimony” the courts can consider it such - if they want.
I kept you in mind when I talked to a worker the other day. I made him chuckle a few times and I like to think I was at least the one person he talked to that didn’t cuss him out and said thank you that day. I didn’t get any real answers either, but I know random-guy-on-the-phone did the best HE could do.
Thanks again for your input. I’m feeling rather chill about the delinquency this time around.
I rarely come here any more, and when I do, I have to run into this thread. Anyway…
The problem is that I paid for all of his housing/food/clothing costs while he was with me as well as when he was with her.
I paid half his health insurance, half of his dental costs (including braces), ALL of his entertainment and travel costs, most of his clothing costs, and even bought furniture for his bedroom at her place because their dog pissed on the mattress and she wouldn’t buy a new one. He never drove any of the cars.
He has since graduated (of course. This is an old thread.), and I’m partially paying for his college education. He also works. She isn’t paying anything.
A mutual agreement between adults is best. Sadly that’s not always what happens. Some Dad’s want to skate on CS after they are no longer in control of the household, or as soon as mom has a new boyfriend, and some Mom’s are vindictive and want every dime they can get and won’t reach an agreement.
No recourse meaning… She has to wait for a new order? How many months does this take? Does she get retroactive pay for the missed months?
What is the advantage of putting that note on the check? He makes $7000/mo and wishes to pay only 1500 instead of 2700 the lawyers calculate.
How can we save money on legal fees? What if they agree on the amount? It costs about $5000 to do it for lawyers.
No recourse: I hope you don’t mean she gets nothing ever again…
Please tell me that’s not the case?
Your friend needs to go through the proper channels and get a court order. Yes that’s gonna cost your friend in legal fees, but as you said already, your friends husband is paying $1200 less per month in support just because he wants to. If your friend will go and get a lawyer to do this correctly through the court, then she’ll make up the $5000 legal fees (if it’s even that high) in a little over 4 months from the proper amount of support payments.
I understand. You’re preaching to the choir.
Still I’d like to understand what “No recourse” means?
If I knew what that meant exactly, it would be easier to convince her. First explain it to me, then I will make the case to her. There are other factors like taxes and benefits that are part of the equation. The kids feelings. In-laws. Guilt. Anger.
How does putting that note on the check help?
Can one find a self-help lawyer if they first agree on the amount?
If I have read you posts correctly, there is no recourse as he hasn’t any legal obligation to pay her anything. The money he has been giving her is basically a gift; however, if he writes on a check that it’s alimony / child support, when the matter comes to court, the judge can consider it as such.
I am not an attorney. Courts in my state differ from courts in your state. Your friend really needs to contact an attorney that specializes in family court matters.
If he stops paying, THEN she can get an order immediately right?
How does it help her for the judge to consider it as alimony?
No, there rarely is an immediately when it comes to court. She needs to start the process now, not wait until he decides to quit giving her money.
And I just used alimony as a possible thing he could note. I don’t know if the court would order it.
What it comes down to is that she needs to consult an attorney now.
I hear you, and believe you. You’re the expert in your state! In your state how long does it take for that process to provide money? Can you give me a range?
Why does it matter what is written on the check? How is that relevant? Who cares about the past? It’s some kind of precedent that determines the future amount? Why should she get him to write it? Does it make the process go faster? What is the advantage for the payee? I think you understand what I’m asking.
Thanks so much for your time! If you have any technical questions I’d be happy to help you…
I think I understand. Writing Child Support on the check protects the father only.
Is it possible to file for support in PA… Without a lawyer… Immediately…
https://www.humanservices.state.pa.us/csws/home_controller.aspx?PageId=General/PayeeHome.ascx&l=E
And not enforce it? Allow him to continue to pay the lower amount? This would protect her in the future? Allow her to collect retroactively back to the filing date? Can you file without specifying an amount in the beginning?
Compared to not filing until 2015. Then it is retroactive only back to the much later filing date.