Just checking in
Hi everyone! Hi Chef! Great thread. I’ll stroke your ego even if you didn’t write me the mash note I asked you for. LOL. 
First, to answer the following question: “If you were beginning a relationship with someone, and they told you they were bi, what would your reaction be?”
I would love to say that my reaction would be an out and out, “cool!” but I can’t say that. Not because I think it’s uncool, I would find it a total turnon! But because I would want to know that regardless of their sexual orientation that (and this is the important part) that we had the same sexual philosophies and compatibilities. What the hell do I mean by that?
I mean that, while I would find a relationship like Kricket has to be absolutely ideal (damn, woman, I am SEETHING with jealousy), not all bisexual couples have that. As has been stated in this thread already, some people are sexual pigs no matter what their orientation, some are able to be committed no matter what their orientation, some are liars and cheats no matter their orientation. I would only be able to say, “cool!” IF that person was the kind who would always include me in any sexual decisions they made, and made me a part of every sexual encounter. I’d want to know that before I’d jump up and down yelling “cool!” Anything less than that and it would be just as uncool as being sexually incompatible with any heterosexual man I was dating.
As for when I’d want to be told, I don’t think it’s something I need to know, or that is any of my damn business on a first date. Not necessarily even on a second date. I really only think it’s important to bring up if you see that more dates are going to happen because you find yourself liking this person a whole lot. If you’re going to even think about advancing the relationship sexually, that’s the time it needs to be mentioned.
Next subject: I have to agree with whoever it was that said they felt really bad for both you and your wife that she won’t give you oral gratification. I enjoy giving oral sex as much as any other sexual activity. Perhaps I could ask you some personal questions?
I’ve mentioned in other threads, but perhaps you haven’t seen it, that I find MM sex as much a turn on to watch (porn-wise. I’ve never been so lucky as Kricket - sigh). I’ve seen enough of it, and talked to a few gay men about it, to know that men give each other head much differently than women give head for the most part. I’ve also had a few men try to get me to do it the way I’m about to describe – and I HATE it when they do!
What I see in gay MM porn (and hear from my gay friends, and have had men try to get me to do) is the one on the receiving end treating the throat like a vagina (or anus, whatever). In other words, y’all are trying to f*ck the person’s throat. The only motion is in/out or up/down, however you want to say it. It’s fast and furious and the giver may as well just keep their head stationary and let the reveiver hump for all it would matter.
To me, that is the absolute worst kind of blow job EVER! In fact, if anyone ever tries to do that to me I will stop immediately. Do NOT, under any circumstances, grab my head and hold me down so I can’t get up while shoving your dick down the back of my throat. You’ll be lucky if I don’t throw up on you.
Maybe it’s the whole redhead thing about wanting to be in control, but I want to do the work! I want to lick, stroke and tease. I want to run my tongue around the head, down the shaft, over the balls, taking them in my mouth and sucking. I want to slide my mouth sideways up and down. I want to use a combination of my mouth and hands, lubricating my hand with my spit as I suck and stroke at the same time. And yes, I’ll even deep throat you. But not endlessly while my head’s being held down and you thrust over and over and over until I can’t freaking BREATHE! Gawd there is nothing worse than that.
So I guess my question is, after all that, do you let your wife just explore and play and do what she wants with it or do you want to f*ck her throat? If it’s the latter, no wonder she refuses to do it. OR… it may just be that that’s what every other man she’d ever been with before you tried to do to her. Believe me, it happens often enough that I know there are some men that think that’s the right way to get head. She may be terrified of doing it for you because she had someone do that to her in the past and doesn’t realize that you won’t!
Next, and last subject for one post: To Falcon… re your question about whether or not you’re bisexual because you’ve occasionally fantasized about it with a particular friend. I agree with whoever said the answer is no - you’re merely curious. I also consider myself curious. Here’s how I distinguish…
I find both men’s bodies and women’s bodies, as well as FF, MM and MF sex in porn a turn on. However, when I’m out and about making my way in a crowd, at a bar, at the beach, whereever, and I look around, I “notice” good looking women, I “cream” over good looking men. I see sexy women and think, “Damn, I wish I had that tight an ass!” I see sexy men and think, “Damn, I’d like to get in his pants!”
But I still find myself fantasizing about threesomes that include women, or even just making love to a woman without a third person there. I definitely want to try it some time. I might really like it and then I may look at women I see out in a completely different way. But for right now, I don’t find women attractive in the same way I find men attractive. But I still find the thought of it very sexy. I don’t know if any of that made any sense at all or helped you in any way. LOL
Enough of my rambling. Bye for now.
Thanks Shayna. I’m still curious, just not enough to act on it, so there’s my answer, I would suppose. 
Oh, and thanks for this one:
Now I REALLY want to meet you, because I’m the same way, girlfriend!
I hang my head in shame. If you’ll revive the thread, I promise to get back to work on those.
First of all, your description of your personal standard blow job is making me want to call every Shayna in the phone book. whimper Guess what you’re going to be doing in your mash note?
I can see how being skull-fucked would turn a girl off fellatio, but I really don’t think that’s the case here. Mrs. Chef hasn’t had very many partners other than me (I admit I don’t know everything about her history, and I haven’t pried, but I know enough to know that she hasn’t had a lot of partners), and I much prefer to lay back and be ministered to in the manner you describe. On the rare occasions when she’s gone down on me for a moment, I may have stroked her hair, but otherwise I let her run the show completely. She just isn’t into it, probably because the nuns beat it into her that sex is dirty and shameful.
Hey Shayna I used to have a bumper sticker that said “Let go of my ears I know what I’m doing”.
And hey I am a sport and willing to share! Just let me know and I’ll loan you my guys for a nite or so. Just one request. Please send them back in once piece, I still want to have something to play with!
Heh heh, Kricket, that’s a great one.
As for sending the guys out here, I’m all for it. But only on one condition – you have to come with them!
Meant to reply to you, too, Chef. Sorry about that.
I feel really bad that your wife was conditioned to think of sex as dirty and shameful. Perhaps it’s been asked earlier in this thread and I don’t remember seeing it, but have you considered going to joint counseling at a sex therapist? She probably wouldn’t do it anyway, would she?
I’d be more than happy to oblige you, but I’m afraid you won’t find me under Shayna in any phone books since it’s an assumed name - LOL. Are you gonna be in Vegas for the World Wide Dopers gathering over Labor Day weekend? ;) hehehe
I’ll look forward to your mash note, but I think I’ll email you so you have my addy and can send one privately instead of resurrecting that topic on the board. Unless of course you want me to revive the topic so you can do all the others you left dangling also? Eh, I’ll email ya anyway - we can always revive the topic, too.
I feel I should clarify a point. Mrs. Chef likes sex. She’s come a long way from the teachings of the nuns at Catholic school. It’s just that she isn’t interested in expanding her repertoire, as she claims she’s perfectly satisfied with what we do now. If I made a big issue out of it, I’m sure she’d go down on me at least sometimes – but I would KNOW she was doing it not because she wanted to but to please me. I doubt I’d be able to enjoy it under those circumstances. In fact, for that very reason I CAN’T bring it up anymore, because forever after if she did blow me I’d never be able to believe she wasn’t just “accommodating” me. shudder
And you know what? If the tables were turned, and there was something she wanted me to do that I didn’t particularly like, I would do it, because I place Mrs. Chef’s sexual needs above my own. She does not do the same. And I can’t say anything about that either.
Shayna, I don’t see how I can make it to the Vegas to-do. Anyway, as the Police song says, I’m a family man and my bark is much worse than my bite. But puh-LEEZE, can’t some liberated couple take a vacation to Dallas and let me watch?
Whoops, that’s a Hall and Oates song. What was I thinking?
A foursome? Or do you have an SO? Trips get kind of hard for us because of all the kids and with us all working different shifts. It would paint a lovely picture though.
Chef honey bunches, you lovable doll of a man you! I don’t see how we could possibly make a trip like that, but if the time ever arises that we can you will be the first I call in for video taping. Never taped the three of us before so that honor would be all yours.
Chef, the double winking smilies were meant to indicate that I was just kidding about offering my services to you in Vegas if you attended. I know you’re a married man who is not in an open marriage.
Kricket, I do not have a SO at the moment, hence some of the sexual frustration that shows itself from time to time in my posts here. 
Chef & Falcon, have either of you gotten the emails I’ve sent you? I haven’t heard back from either of you and I’m wondering if there might have been a problem with the transmission and perhaps they never arrived in your inboxes. If that’s the case, I’ll be happy to send them again.
I got my email from you, Shayna. I just haven’t written the mash note yet.
I know you were kidding about Vegas, BTW. Darn it. Women are ALWAYS kidding when they say they want me. It’s a good thing I have such a bulletproof ego…
Yeah, but you forgot to mention which hotel you checked in TO. How am I supposed to find you?
h_thur wrote a while back (sorry, just discovered and read the thread)
Let me get this straight, h_thur - B. lied to you about being bi - he was actually gay. Now, he wanted an “open marriage” for him, so that he could continue to sleep with, literally, boys (a personal horror for me - by definition and from my own recollection, underage people CANNOT make the right choices, simply because they don’t know all the options), but you could not sleep with/see others AND he, being gay, wasn’t going to sleep with you, at least not all that much.
B. is an asshole, a prick, a schmuck, not worthy of you, etc.
Great way to announce myself to a new thread, with an attack on someone I’ve never met, but B. just pissed me off.
V.
Not to worry, Sua. Here at Ask Bi Guy we welcome passion in all its forms - including the kind that manifests itself as aggression toward the kind of selfish pigs we’ve all had to deal with at one time or another.
Please stick around and add your voice to ours. And as always, if you have any nagging questions I’ll endeavor to answer them both honestly and entertainingly. grin
Chef, I don’t have a question but I just wanted you to know that I’ve read all five pages of this thread over the course of the past few days and I’ve been enlightened, entertained and impressed. In fact, I nominated you as One of the Nicest at the SDMB. (“Gee she sure was impressed!”)
One of the reasons I’ve been so attracted to this message board lately is the wide variety of opinions and backgrounds. My usual internet home, a site for women, is much more homogeneous and while attractive in many respects, can get a little boring.
I’m off to read the 4,233 pages in Gay Guy’s thread. I expect you won’t be hearing from me in several weeks. Anyway, just wanted to say hello to you, and to all the regulars here!
Thanks for the welcome, Bi Guy!
And to answer one of your questions, if a woman I was dating told me she was bi, I’d be very happy, for purely selfish reasons:
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I’d take it as an indication that she’d be more open and adventurous, in and out of bed; and
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Honestly, the first thought that would go through my mind would be “Threesomes!!”
I actually had a girlfriend come out to me as lesbian. We stopped being romantically involved, but it led to lots of fun as I acted as her beard (she was military).
V.
Gawrsh, Ellen, you done swelled up mah haid so much that mah hat won’t fit no more. blush My hope is that people are entertained and enlightened by what I’m doing here – and of the two, I think I care more that they’re entertained.
You may recall that I was kicking around the idea of doing an advice column along with a gay man and a straight man. I’ve hit a stumbling block, however: if it ever came to the point of actually making money, how would I explain the cash to Mrs. Chef? I don’t want to add any fresh lies to the old sin of omission, so I couldn’t tell her I was the straight one of the three. Sigh.
I have swapped a couple of e-mails with a girl who sought me out for some advice. With her permission, I’m reprinting the exchange here – how did I do?
It sounds to me like your boyfriend is trying to send you some pretty clear signals. Not everyone who acts in a feminine way is actually gay or bi, of course, and being into dancing and theater is common among some gays but it’s not a “smoking gun,” if you follow me. It’s just a stereotype; it doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
However, his “jokes” about cheating on you with his friends of both sexes are another matter. Granted I don’t know either of you and there may be more to the story. However, it sounds to me like he’s making these remarks to kind of feel you out about how you’d be likely to react if he comes out to you about his attraction to men (and maybe his desire for an open relationship).
I see that you are both 14. To answer your question, yes, it’s not unusual for someone your age to have realized that they’re gay or bi. (as for how long he’s BEEN gay or bi, the consensus around here is that we’re born that way.) Of course, it’s just as common for people in their teens to have NO idea what their sexual preference is.
Have you come right out and asked him if he’s bi? If you have, how did he react? It seems to me that if he’s talking about sleeping with male friends, even jokingly (and it sounds to me like he’s “kidding on the level”), then he’s clearly struggling with his attraction to guys. It’s possible that he’s gay, but he’s still dating you because he just hasn’t come to terms with it yet.
There’s no way to really tell if he’s gay or bi except to talk to him about it. Be sure to make it clear to him that you’re okay with him being bi if he is. (BTW, does that mean you’d be okay with him going out with guys while he’s going out with you?)
Munchkin, in real life I try not to meddle in other people’s love affairs - but in your case I believe I’ll make an exception. I see disaster looming here. The question of your boyfriend’s sexual preference, significant as that is to any relationship, is almost secondary here - since you’ve said that you wouldn’t have a problem with it if he’s bi, and of course there is no relationship if he’s gay. I think the bigger problem here is that you’re looking for a monogamous relationship, and he doesn’t seem to want the same. If he’s talking openly to you about wanting to sleep with other people (phrasing it as a “joke” to give himself an out if you go ballistic), chances are he’s already done it. Keep your eyes open, sweetie.
Well done my love! Totally on the level.
Shayna email me.