Knott bAd, butT U ferGot to RandEmLy KapitLyze LetTorS.
(Eww, I feel all dirty after doing that.)
Come on people, let’s get back to talking about sex.
I’ll give you a topic: Some of you may read the letters in “Penthouse.” Frequently in those literary gems, you’ll encounter this sentence: “Before long, the talk turned to sex.” I want to know – in your LIVES, has the talk EVER turned to sex when you were talking to someone of… well, I don’t want to say “the opposite sex” so let’s just say “the sex you happen to be dating”…, ever EVER EVER?!?
For me it’s happened maybe once or twice, but it didn’t go anywhere. How about it, my faithful readers?
Sure.
My friends and I talk about sex all the time. That’s because we are, in a word, “wrong” most of the time. As in: “Ewww I can’t believe you just said that! That was so wrong!” In fact, at one point we had something called the “wrong baton” which went to the person who had said the most “wrong” thing. It was a 12 inch dildo (“The Manhandler: a firm fulfilling cock–on a handle!”) that had the word “WRONG” written on it in black marker. Even got mentioned in our college yearbook. Someone STOLE IT!!! Can you believe someone out there stole a 12 inch dildo with the word WRONG on it!?
Anyways, to answer:
The talk has turned to sex with people I don’t know very well before as well… But I’ve been dating the same person for 5 years so nothing’s ever come of it. I’m not sure it would have anyways.
Just another bi-chick checking in, standing and being counted…
I’m married…to a totally straight man. He knows I’m bi, doesn’t care, we have three kidlings running madly about.
I’ve known I was bi since I was 11 or 12. I was looking at the pics in Playboy as often as the cartoons…didn’t get to the articles until I was 16 or so.
The only person who’s ever given me a ration of crap for being bi was a lesbian I briefly dated (while married, hub knew) who told me it “isn’t any of [hub’s] business what our relationship is,” with which I strongly disagreed…how could something I do not be any of my HUSBAND’S business? But anyway…
Hub and I have been interested in a 3-way but the (very) few women we’ve (sort of) hooked up with are always…ALWAYS…more into me than him. Then again, we have a bad habit of chatting up women who are confused about their sexuality; I think having a man in the room validates their being naked so they can then have sex with ME, and that’s not fair nor is it particularly fun. Since she’s only into me, I don’t know who the hell I’m supposed to pay attention to.
Welcome aboard, Hamadryad! I’m flattered that you chose my forum for one of your very first posts.
I sympathize with your frustration. As noted above and in other threads such as “Ask Gay Guy,” relatively few people are perfectly balanced in their attraction to men vs. women. I myself am not a “five” on the ten point scale from gay to straight. In the presence of a plain woman and a beautiful male, I still tend to look at the woman first.
As a result, threesomes tend to be lopsided, especially when two of the three people involved are a couple. This tends to put the third person in the hot seat, and whichever way they tend to lean on the male vs. female continuum results in them paying more attention to one of you than the other.
How about if YOU focus on your husband while your new playmate focuses on you? That puts you in the enviable position of being the center of attention…wink
Another thing you could try is to invite her to “help you” blow your husband (with lots of kissing each other thrown in), or to have one of you straddle him while the other sits on his face, facing each other (opportunities for kissing again, as well as breastplay).
Also, why doesn’t he simply join in without waiting for someone to fire a track pistol? It seems to me that if she is there, and nekkid, permission to come aboard is assumed. grin
Oh, believe me, it’s not an issue nowadays. No happy bed-hopping bunnies have come this way in years. Not that I’m withdrawing all hope, mind you…
Thanks for the warm welcome. Maybe the POV of a non-closeted-married-to-a-straight-guy-with-three-kids chick will come in handy. Never can tell, can you?
Unfortunately, I am out of relevant things to say.
Hamadryad, have you ever thought of a foursome? If only you guys were a little closer!
Sorry to hear that you had so much trouble with your third. I haven’t seen mine in a while, and well it is summer now and the hubby and I have more time on our hands to spend out and about if you know what I mean.
I know your husband is straight, but have you ever tried having a male third?
We are looking for a female third ourselves. Our neighbor is interested, but I don’t want her to get into something she might not be ready for. Maybe I should hit the clubs again tonite! Goddess knows I could use the time out!
Welcome to the group by the way!
I think that everyone is missing the point about your
marriage. You married the lady because you love her,
and wanted to build a life with her. That is why you
committed yourself to her, and chose not to have sexual
relations with ANYONE else-man or woman. So hey, more
power to you. My point is, you married the person, not
the gender. We should all be lucky enough to find
a partner like you.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume you’re talking to me and not Kricket or Hamadryad, Scotticher. BTW, welcome to my humble thread, and as I said to Ham, I’m flattered that you chose “Ask Bi Guy” for one of your first posts.
And you’re absolutely right that I was attracted to Mrs.Chef not because she was a woman, but because she was that woman. Marrying her has meant some sacrifices for me, including some that you all know about but she doesn’t…but that doesn’t mean for a second that I regret marrying her.
You’re also completely correct that you would all be lucky indeed to find an exceptional partner like me. Especially since I’m so humble and not conceited or anything. laughing
Yep, indeedy and hallelujia, we’ve tried with the XX and the XY. Both were fun, in their own ways. The pressure was on for both of 'em, though; the aforementioned “she’s into me but not him” problem with the XX’s, and a ghastly case of “who the HELL am I supposed to be paying attention to?” with the XY. That was the most fun, honestly, because they were both VERY straight so it was crystal clear that I was front-row center, as 'twere. I’d love to try that again, but the gentleman in question is in prison right now so that’s sort of right out.
Mind you, he’s a great guy; he just made a poor career choice.
Again, many thanks for the warm welcomes. Unfortunately, the reindeer games are at a halt right now; three small children AND two almost-not-any-more-but-still-very teenagers living in the house, and those sort of playground activities require a good deal of time an a huge amount of privacy.
Also, I’ve gotta like AND be attracted to the third, and hubman has to at least LIKE the third, and I never leave my damned house so I’m not meeting any new prospects. Also, my libido has been hanging out somewhere around the fifth circle of Hell for the last few months, so horndoggin’s been a non-issue.
Ahhhh, but with Spring, a young(-ish) woman’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of scrumping like a crazed weasel, so I’m not giving up all hope yet.
Hamadryad you are so right about being the center of attention, it is the best. We had a straight third once, and it was too funny to see the men trying to stay as far away as possible from each other.
I also understand your postition with the kids. We have five of the little heathens running around, so local hotels are a big plus! Also that allows us to play and make noise and not have to worry about cleaning up after ourselves.
When we do go to look for our female third we have agreed that she is to be attractive and socially compatible to both of us since in our case we are both going to be involved with her. We are looking for someone to be friends as well as playmates.
And Chef, Mrs. Chef is a very lucky lady. No need to be self gratifying, that is what you have us for! I will praise you to the highest, and defend your honor on this subject. Just promise me that all loose ends are tied up and if the time ever comes she will hear it from you. It is more devastating to find the evidance before the facts.
Thank you Chef for giving us all a place to express are sexual freakishness! Thanks to Esprix for his thread and the light that he is shedding.
Now I sound like a big gay activist.
Not to worry, Kricket dear. There is no evidence for her to find – it’s not like I have a stash of gay porn around the house, and since I’ve been on the inactive list of the Intramural Bisexual Team for years (during which time I moved to a different state), I simply cannot imagine that anyone from my active bi days could find me even if they wanted to. Of course, there is this thread, which would be impossible to explain away if it fell into her hands, but I doubt that would ever happen (altho the other day, Mrs. Chef told me she wants to beef up her computer skills so she can get a better job…and start enjoying the Internet more. Eep).
Although I really can’t imagine any reason for her to know as things currently stand, if that changes you can rest assured that I’ll break it to her as gently and reassuringly as possible.
A whiz-bang job? Isn’t that a spontaneous sexual encounter at the urinal of a men’s room?
Y’know, like, “Whiz, bang, thank you, DANG!”
Thank you Esprix dear. We all know what a total praise junkie ol’ Chef is. And may I compliment you on the very nicely done transition from “Ask Gay Guy” to “Ask Gay Guy II” - especially the page-by-page summary of the original thread with links. Bravo. Maybe someday I’ll need to do that, and I plan to shamelessly rip off your setup when I do.
You are quite correct, Chef Troy- I was talking to you. I have to admit that I would feel as though I were going out on a limb to assume that you are either humble or not conceited, or anything else - not that I am making judgements, you understand. I am sure that you could lay claim to both of those things, as contradictory as that may sound.
I see alot of infidelity going on between heterosexual partners, and I have a great deal of respect for anyone who makes a well thought out vow and then actually manages to keep it! Let’s face it – it does not matter what gender of person you are attracted to. There will always be people who challenge your committment, no matter what your sexual orientation happens to be. The trick, I guess, is to make your decision based on both your attraction to a person AND your desire to share your life with them because of the person they are and the goals, interests and ideals you share.
Whatever, my statement stands - your wife is lucky to have found a partner who believes in being faithful to her.
I am happy to be here in your (not so humble) thread. You are correct-this was one of my first two posts, and it was nice to NOT be squashed - which was kind of what I expected.
Especially after I realized that I jumped in totally out of context, due to the fact that I failed to notice that there was more than one page to read. (Oops!)
Oh well, I expect that I will get the hang of this thing eventually.
You don’t need to worry about being squashed in here, Scotticher (and everyone, let’s behave with uncharacteristic restraint and let that straight line go unused, mmm’kay?).
I figured the non-sequituriousness of your post was due to not noticing the multiple pages. Your penance is that you must read them all. You must also pop in frequently to tell me I’m an amazing person (phrase it however you like and be convincing…the regs in this thread can tell you that I’m a shameless praise junkie).
Ah, the saga that I have been waiting to post has found a home in “Ask the Bi Guy”. Bless you, Chef, for posting this thread. Also, I think you hang the moon for your continued fidelity to your wife. My ex would have done well to read this. In fact, I might print it and mail it to him. (And Bi Guy, your story could have almost been mine, had I married B.)
B and I met when I was 16. I had just moved from Baton Rouge to Houston and was visiting my best friend, S. I felt an instant connection with B, like I had known him all my life. We met at S’s house on her carport in the rain. (Warm fuzzies.) Anyway, my trip lasted a week and I was back in Houston. B. and I wrote each other and phoned each other. I visited him several times on subsequent trips to BR. At one point I spent the night in his apartment and things got rather hot and heavy, but he refused to go that extra step because I was “a virgin” at the time. A year later he visits me at my parent’s house, yet when provided the opportunity and privacy, he still refused consummate our relationship.
Still later, we were still in touch with one another, though infrequently. A few years later, we were writing/calling each other regularly. At one point he told me that he was sleeping with some of his employees (young boys - 18 and 19 years old), and that he was bi. This wasn’t much of a shock to me as I had always suspected. It had taken him 7 years to tell me that he was bi. The fact that he was sleeping with his employees bothered me more than the fact that he was bi. He agreed that it was unethical and promised to end the relationships within his workplace.
We decided to get married, as I loved him more than anyone, and he loved me, and we got along so well, etc. etc. We discussed having an open marriage and decided that it would be perfect. I took a week off from work and went to visit him and his family. He couldn’t take off more than three days from work while I was there, though I hadn’t seen him in a year and a half. I understood and we made the best of it, including a trip to Jackson, LA to stay at his friend’s (Bar.) beautifully restored Victorian home. B decided to take his younger friends (C. and Bo.) from work with us, as Bo. was Bar.'s daughter’s boyfriend. Bar. was a wonderful hostess and even gave B and I her room for the night. B invited C. to sleep in our room without asking me. That’s where things started to go wrong. I wouldn’t have minded so much if C. was of legal age (he was almost 16 at the time) and if B and I had at least a night alone to ourselves prior to this trip. I told B that I would sleep on the fainting couch that night. He ended up sleeping on the fainting couch and C. and I slept in the bed with pillows between us, in case C. got frisky in the middle of the night.
I was not pleased.
Although B. and I had oral (BTW tongue rings are wonderful) sex, the penetration never did happen. He claimed that he wanted to wait until our wedding night or until “the night after which I will forever wake with you by my side”. I fell for it. The week ended; I went back home.
Three months later he moved to Austin with his cousin, E. to be near me so we could start planning the wedding. He neglected to tell me that he was bringing C. with him. E. and I got along famously, like we were sisters. They all stayed with me and my roommate in our one bedroom apartment, along with my roommate’s cat, and E.'s dog and cat, and B.'s two lovebirds. Despite the cramped quarters, we all got along well.
It took B and E a month to find a house and move into it. By that time, I saw that B was not equally bi. He was “bi” with a very strong preference to men. In fact later, he admitted he was gay. The relationship still could have worked if he would have been okay with me having an open relationship too. (I had been seeing two other men - I have to admit to being poly, here.) B was not ok with me continuing to see them. The would-be marriage was doomed. I called it off. I told B that I was willing to start fresh, but he refused. I wanted to define the open marriage and talk about it. He wanted to just be friends and forget that we were ever engaged.
I also saw how irresponsible B was after we finally lived in the same town. He was unable to hold down a job or manage his money while he was there for the first 2.5 years. If it had not been for E, he would have been on the streets.
I haven’t seen B since my son was born (B is not the father - that’s another story), but we have remained friends, though there is a distance there. Our relationship was doomed from the start because I failed to see just how irresponsible he was in my few short visits with him before he moved. Also, I should have pinned him down on a definition of “open marriage”. I had no idea that it applied only to him. If we had communicated better (and I had balanced the checkbook and paid the bills), we might have had success like Bill and CF.
I still love him and wish him the best, though I still worry about the age of his sexual partners (none younger than C. so far). I spoke to C. recently; he is in the Army and doesn’t regret his relationship with B, though he is mainly attracted to women now.
There’s my abbreviated story. There were many weird factors to the story, including a person I left out completely and would love to block from my memory (my son’s father).
As to the questions asked, I would like to be told as soon as possible. I wouldn’t freak out about it, but I would be cautious about a long-term relationship with that person, unless I could see others too or we both agreed that we would be monogamous. BTW, I am straight, and have had several MMF threesomes (several with B and his lover du jour, and one with two straight Ms). I would love to have another threesome, and wouldn’t object to a MFF threesome. Maybe I am a little curious….
My best friend is bi and her boyfriend is gay. They are currently living together and are planning to get married. (They are also friends of B’s, though I’ve known them longer and he met them through other people.) I wish them the best. I know that their relationship will work, because they have been working on it for over 13 years and have taken it step by step. (They just moved in with each other 3 months ago.)
Well, even though I’m new here, count me in if there’s ever a branch off into “Ask the Poly People”. (Since I posted to the “Polyamory : Does it work?”, which is how I found this thread)
I’ve enjoyed reading the thread…soon I’ll have to hop over to Ask the Gay Guy…
Wow! h_thur, that is quite a story. We are strangers, all of us… I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you, although judging from your description I really think you’re better off. It sounds like B was not being honest with himself, which is the most corrosive kind of dishonesty.
Esposia, welcome aboard! I’m glad to see that some of the shamelessly self-serving hyperlinks I’ve been strewing around have actually tempted people to click on them. Don’t be shy if there’s anything you want to ask.
I’ll agree with Chef there, h_thur - this guy had problems that went beyond (but possibly extended from?) his sexuality issues. I’m sure he’s a great, loving guy, but it sounds like you need someone a bit different.
The question I have is, why would a gay guy marry a woman of any stripe? I certainly could understand a bi guy doing so for a wide variety of reasons, not the least of which is that he might actually be attracted to her. But a gay guy, but definition, isn’t attracted to or can’t fall in love (in that way) with a woman. Are they mostly gay, and found one of the very few women they could be in a relationship with? Is she totally a beard? Are they “just good friends” like Madonna and Rupert in “The Next Best Thing?” Do they do it for the tax break? Are they simply building their own version of a family? Do they both have their own relationships outside of the marriage? What if one wants to get involved long-term with someone else down the road?
Hmmm, I guess at times I’m just as clueless as those straight folk. Don’t get me wrong - I have lots of polyamorous friends, lots of bisexual and/or sexually liberal friends, etc., but I guess because I’m truly 100% gay (Sophia Loren aside {sigh}) I simply can’t understand why a gay guy would marry a woman.
The week ended; I went back home.