Hey guys just an update! Wanted to let you know that I have found a new third!!! Or would he be a fourth since I still have the original third hangin around?
He belongs only to me though. Not ready to step into the situation, but I have permission to play with him alone so it’s all good.
Now I have a question for bi-fems.
I had a guy come into work the other day and somehow we got talking about sex and then on swinging. He came back in yesterday and said that he mentioned me to his wife and she wants to meet me.
This would mean that I would eventually get the chance to be with a woman. Should I?
It’s kind of nerve wracking because I feel I would be lost. I have had other women tell me that it comes naturally and not to worry about not knowing what to do. I guess one way to put it is that I would be losing my virginity in a way.
I have wanted to be with a woman for a long time but have never found the right one. Kissed a few and played grab ass a bit but never gone all the way with it.
My husband is all for it, and I it would be nice to have another woman to play with for him.
Am I just some kind of sexual freak? Now I mean this in a good way here folks!
I already have three men, and we are thinking about meeting this other couple. Bringing it to a grand total of four men and one woman for me. Am I some kind of perv?
Has anybody here ever had group sex not just threesome type stuff?
Be kind guys and gals.
Kricket: Hey, most people would say you’re a perv for wanting more than one man ever ever ever in your whooooooooooooooooooole life. <rolls eyes>
I say…if it feels right, and I know you know what I mean, go for it. One thing I would consider is making VERY sure this guy’s wife/gf is actually into it herself, and not just going along with his wishes that she “try it.”
As far as sleeping with a woman for the first time goes…I’ve only slept with a couple of women myself. Instinct and non-verbal communication are everything. The best rule of thumb is to do stuff that would feel good to YOU. If she wants you do do something else, I’m sure she’ll have the tact to gently guide you to do what she wants you to do. And if you find yourself being more interested in part of her than another, go with it. I have reasonably large bazongas, but for gods only know what reason I LOVE breasts…so on the few occasions I’ve had the opportunity I’ve WORSHIPPED them and been very gratified by the results.
Hope that helped. I really shouldn’t post before I’ve had coffee…
I have to share my surreal evening with you folks.
Mrs. Chef works with a lot of gay guys, and they periodically go out bar-hopping. One of her pals from work is roomies with a guy who works for a wireless telecom company that rhymes with “lint.” Mrs. Chef is leaving with our son for a week starting this Friday to drive out of state and visit relatives, and wants to take a cell phone with her in case of emergencies. Gay pal offers to set up phone service with the help of roomie. Days pass with no word from gay pal. Today, Mrs. Chef is getting frantic. Gay pal has failed to return several messages. Will she have to make other telephonic arrangements?
We have the evening to ourselves; Chef Jr. is at his grandmother’s house to spend the night. Mrs. Chef suddenly says to me, “I bet we could find Gay Pal if we went to the gay bar where he hangs out. I know that isn’t exactly your scene, but I think you’ll have a good time…what do you say?” I allow as how I’d be okay with that (secret understatement), and off we go to the biggest of Dallas’s gay neighborhoods, affectionately known as Homo Heights. We have dinner, flip through the latest issue of Texas Triangle, and then cross the street and enter…the GAY BAR. where we spend a good hour or more looking for Gay Pal, having some drinks, listening to dance music, and people watching. We never do find him, and eventually we come home.
It was simultaneously great and horrible torture. SO many tasty mens and not a drop to drink. The hilarious thing was the way Mrs. Chef kept saying she was sorry for dragging me in there. As it often does in gay bars, the talk turned to oral sex. :rolleyes: We talked about her reluctance to go down on me (and all men), and she allowed as how she’d make a lousy gay man. She apologized for her reluctance and launched into a big discussion about why (gag reflex + not wanting to swallow + general opinion of fellatio as “icky”); I wanted to say, “Honey? Unless you have some good news for me on this subject, I’d just as soon not talk about it.” What I did say, after she’d said “I’m sorry” yet again, was, “You know what?..I’m sorry too.” and then I turned to watch the handsome boys dancing in pairs.
I thought about it, Hamadryad. I did. But in the end I didn’t dare.
We were sitting at the bar, which is an open affair in the middle of the main room. I could look through the bar and over to the other wall, on which were hanging several framed pieces of homoerotic art, including a black & white photo of a very tasty nude man lying on a rumpled white sheet, holding a flap of it coyly over his package. Without realizing I was talking out loud, I muttered, “lovely.” Mrs. Chef looked and said “What did you say?” I pointed up at an Art Deco lamp hanging over the bar, in the same general line of sight as the pic, and said, “That lamp. It’s lovely.” (it was.) sigh.
She’s obviously not entirely closed-minded about homosexuality in general, or she wouldn’t A) have gay friends and B) be willing to go to a gay bar to look for them. Maybe…just maybe…if you were very curcumspect about it you could clue her in a little bit? Just, you know…
“Honey, I’ve been thinking…and when we went to that bar last night…well, I want you to know that I wasn’t offended. Actually…some of it kind of excited me.”
From all indications, it sounds like she loves you very much, and I know you love her very much. Just getting any dialogue started would not be a bad thing…you know?
I’m not pushing this. It just really pains me to see you rip yourself apart sometimes over the fact that there is this one large part of your life that you don’t feel as though you can share with the person with whom you’re supposed to be able to share everything. We’ve all seen on here what a remarkable, warm, loving, caring person you are, and from all indications she’s a really fantastic lady…
Hama, I know she’s doesn’t think homosexuality is “against God” or anything like that…although she does hold what I consider to be bigoted and wrongheaded opinions about bisexuality, as evidenced by her reaction to the aforementioned episode of Ally McBeal. An equally big part of the problem: how to explain why she’s just now hearing about this after nine-plus years of marriage. cringe
And let’s face it. Telling her might make ME feel better, but what’s it going to do for her? I don’t want to hurt her, especially if it won’t mean any essential change in my permission slip. She might be able to deal with my being bi, although I wonder…she definitely would not be able to deal with my actually having male relationships. So I would have rocked her world to the foundations without getting anything out of it except not having to keep quiet about being attracted to men anymore. Sounds like a sucker bet to me.
In a way, I can definitely see your point. The thing is, when you keep a part of yourself that IS that fundamental to you away from her, you are denying her something. You’re denying her COMPLETE honesty about who you are.
I could have taken this to email, but this is the kind of conversation that might benefit someone out there who’s lurking. I’ll try not to get too personal.
I obviously can’t speak from experience, because my husband has known I was bi pretty much since he’s known me. However, looking into my heart I know that if years had gone by and it was still preying on me, I would tell him…because I believe that my spouse is my mate, and I should share all that I am with him. He loves me for my good points AND my flaws, and he knows how deeply some of my flaws run, and he loves me anyway.
To keep a secret like that from him…even if there was no chance I could ever act on it…would be more upsetting to me than his reaction to it. “If you love me, you love everything that I am, you HAVE TO know everything about me. You can’t love me completely if I am holding something back from you.” I guess I can see an extreme case in which, if he’d been someone else, he might have left me…but I would damned well do everything in my power to make him understand that:[ul]
[li]It is no one’s fault.[/li][li](If I were in a different sort of marriage) I am no more likely to cheat on him with a woman than a man…and I would not dream of cheating on him with a man.[/li][li]I love him senseless and am only telling him this because I could not keep it from him with a clean conscience.[/li][/ul]
I know this is sort of in a happy fairy-tale world where people always listen with reasonable minds and open hearts…but that’s how I feel about it.
I know you can’t necessarily. I’ve never met you OR your wife, so I can’t gauge your relationship at all, nor what her reaction would be. I’m just saying what I would do if I were in my current relationship and had that kind of problem. That’s all. I’m REALLY not trying to talk you into doing anything…just trying to give my POV.
Besides, if you came out to her you’d have to open a new thread for the “Newly Non-Closeted Bi Guy.”
I think I am going to be meeting the wife on the 26th. Should be interesting.
My hubby met the guy today and they hit it off well. So we are now on a good path. Three out of four get along!
Chef dear I agree that maybe you should at least let her know that you weren’t uncomfortable there. Or even suggest going back a few more times to break the tension. I know that it will be hard for you to watch and not play but it might break the ice a bit.
Did you ever think that maybe with all this new stuff she is bringing you into that she might be trying to “feel you out”? Maybe she is more open than you think. Just a thought love.
BTW I am so gald that nobody responded to me with your such a freak you need to seek help fast mistress! I am begining to feel like some kind of nympho!
I will give you all the gory details as soon as something happens.
Oh Pepper you know how to make a woman feel all warm and tingley inside!
Confession time. I love being a sexual deviant. It seems so naughty. I never have been one to follow societies norms and I love to push the mark when I get a chance.
At least I know that you guys love me for who I am.
(and, as I am neither bi nor gay and I only go for monogamous relationships, I’m not even sure I have the right credentials to be posting in this thread . . . not that that has ever stopped me.)
BTW, fascinating thread. Lots of interesting perspectives here.
Here’s mine: I don’t think you should tell her. I know that if my long-term BF suddenly decided to spring it on me that he is bi, I’d flip. Not because of any issues about homosexuality or ‘bi-ness’ - I couldn’t care less what anyone does, as long as it is consensual and doesn’t hurt anyone. I’d flip because I’d automatically assume that it means that either he’s found a man that he’s interested in or that I’m not satisfying him. Okay, so it isn’t logical, but I’m pretty sure that one of those answers would be the only conclusion I would come up with for the question ‘Why tell me now, after X years of the relationship?’
Also, I have to admit that I’d feel insecure . . . I mean, what does any other woman have that I don’t? But I know damn well that every man has something I don’t. And if my BF suddenly decides to tell me that he’s bi, I’d probably assume that meant that he’s missing that . . . special something.
Thanks for your input, Rosie… those are reactions I’m sure Mrs. Chef would have, too, especially since she already feels she isn’t satisfying me due to the fellatio embargo. (Huge awkward moment at the gay bar the other night: during her soliloquy about why she doesn’t like to go down, she came right out and asked if she satisfies me. Now, I KNOW she doesn’t really want to know the answer to this question, she just wants to be reassured. And since I’m NOT completely satisfied, I now have to lie to spare her feelings.)
Thou shalt NOT ask questions to which thou dost not want the answers. *
My sympathies, Chef. Sounds like you’ve hit a bit of a rough patch of late. I hope that having this space where you can talk helps make it easier.
Kricket - congrats on your find! You will keep us updated, n’est-ce pas?
*to which my usual reply is “Do you REALLY want me to answer that?” You’d be surprised how often they’ll actually say “No”. At least once they’ve gotten to know the Redtail and realize that they WILL get the answer if they ask for it.
As the straight wife of a bisexual man, I think I can see things from Mrs. Chef’s point of view.
I felt (and still feel) all of those things rosie mentioned. Inadequacy, fear of loosing him to a man, and BIG TIME PENIS ENVY!! But, I love my husband, and that includes embracing and accepting his bisexuality. It is not easy, not in the least. but I feel a strange closeness to him when he looks at a nicely shaped man and we both say in unison “Yummy”. I am so glad that we are both comfortable with eachother and feel safe in our relationship to accept his sexuality.
I have to realize that sex is just sex. I can do what I can, but I will never be a man. I have to remember that Rob chose me, he loves me. not because I’m a woman, but because of who I am. and that makes me feel even more secure in our relationship. becuase I have something that no man can offer him. ME!! and ultimately, he’s shown me that that’s what he really wants.
If you do choose to tell your wife, you need to make sure that you make it absolutely CLEAR that you love her and you want her. that you’re telling her this because you want her to know everything about you. It is definately a tough thing to hear, but in the end. it is worth it. I guarantee it!
Alright guys you asked for it you got it.
We went out last nite with the other couple and had a really great time. Nothing happend with us and them since it was a first meeting with her.
She is nice I really like her, and I think we can do this thing!
After my husband and I went out to dinner we met them at a nudie bar! Wow, women every where. The other husband had one of the dancers come and rub her breasts in my face and give me a little dance. It was interesting to say the least.
I almost missed the fact that this thread was in play again. If I hadn’t run into kricket in chat I’d never have known she posted to it. So let’s flick the lights back on, and would anyone like to help me dust in here?
Kricket, I’m delighted to hear that you hit it off with your new playmates. I hope you continue to share your stories with the group.
Which brings me to my main remark. I think anyone would agree that you didn’t give us NEARLY enough information about the lap dance! Come ON girl, we want details about what you were feeling as the dancer rubbed herself up against you, what she looked like, whether you had a hard time keeping your hands to yourself… don’t be a slacker when you write, sweetie, we want MORE.
