I was a lot younger and certainly more naive then. That whole ordeal taught me plenty. And he had promised to stop screwing boys when he moved to Austin, but I don’t know if he ever did - though last I heard the youngest he’d been with since C. was 18 - so at least he’s sleeping with legal aged boys. And he really did want to be bi. He was in denial over it for the longest time. I told him he was gay long before he actually admitted it. He is still pained that we never married - he just doesn’t get it I guess. whoosh - right over his head. I don’t think he’s an asshole, prick, etc. - he just needs to get his life together. I really was in love with the man he claimed to be over the phone and through the mail and in the short visits. But once he moved to Austin, he couldn’t keep up the charade 24/7 - he was not the man he claimed he was. And the notion of a marriage was called off when I realized that open door in our marriage would yield only to him.
But I appreciate your “not worthy” comment, nonetheless. Such passion…
Hey h_thur (which I always pronounce in my mind as “Hah-Thoor,” like a character in a Conan movie… “Run! It’s Hah-Thoor the Irresistible!”), long time no post! Where you been?
Thanks, Chef! What I wouldn’t give to be in Mrs. Chef’s shoes one day - she’s a lucky woman.
I’ve been working and traveling too much lately. (Travel is for work.) Checked in after I received an email about HouDope next weekend. Glad your thread is still going strong. You and Mrs. Chef should visit us at HouDope on 7/29/00.
Update on this thread: Told him I didn’t want to have sex with him anymore. Chickened out and didn’t tell him he was bad in bed. He still wants to see me in September - we are meeting in Vancouver, B.C. I’m going to try and tactfully tell him then. Any more advice on breaking it to him gently?
I’ll try and check in more regularly. Your thread is one of my favorites…
I realize that the last post on here was about 5 days ago, but I must ask.
A little history–I am bi, have been for wuite some time. I forst came out in college, although people in high school sorta knew and teased me endlessly about it. When I got to College I joined the Gay/Straight Alliance–and a month later was the president of it. <Can we say high profile?>
Slowly my friends started finding out and a lot of them stopped talking to me. My closest friends were ok with it and we still hang out today. BUT–there is always a but–my roommate at the time did not know–aparently rainbows all over my half of the room don’t mean anything. Well, one day one of my suitemates decided to let my roomie in on this little secret and all hell broke loose.
This one day happened to be my 19th birthday.
Well, my roomie decided to go to her gospel choir and ask for forgivness for all my sins and to protect her from me and my evil ways.
For the next two weeks i coudlnt’ een go into my room without feeling dirty or uncomfortable. I haven’t outed myself since then. <and no, the parents don’t know>
so flash forward to the present, where I work at Pep Boys by school. I have a really cool rainbow sticker on my car, and I intend to keep there. The other day some of my coworkers decided to play a joke on another coworker and one of the suggestions was to put a rainbow flag on his car and right homo in turtle wax. I was very offended and I didn’t know what to say. None of them know about me, and they don’t know which car is mine…but shoudl I say something? SHould I put up and shut up? or Out myself to my coworkers?
Well gee. wackyninja. It’s hard to say. I live in SF. If someone did something like that. Hell, if someone makes a disparaging racial comment on the bus, I don’t let it slide. But, at the same time, I don’t have to worry about being dragged out into a field by a bunch of hillbillys and beaten.
I’m not saying you do, I’m not sure where you live. the right thing to do would be not to let it slide, to comment on it. If the workers have a high regard for you, it will help them see how stupid they are. If you’re new and have no support, then you might want to hold off. Discresion and all that.
well I live in New Jersey <whoo-friggin-hoo>. I am scared that the female coworkers will get all weird with me, and I already experienced one guy who does know about my lovely sticker asking me if he can watch <he is in another dept, so I hardly see him>.
I don’t even know what I should say though. I hate touchy situations.
I don’t know a whole bunch about new jersey. If you have laws against discriminating against gays and lesbians I would come out. Of course that’s just me. It could be that it wold be a REALLY BAD idea. Or maybe a good one.
HEY! none a youse is da Bi Guy, so shaddap while I gives dis person my advice.
(just kidding - I welcome input from everyone, but I wanted to try to practice speaking New Jerseyan so I can audition for The Sopranos…)
Wacky, I’d like to propose a middle course here. There’s no reason you can’t speak out against the way your co-workers are acting without coming out yourself. Deploring homophobic behavior isn’t the exclusive property of non-heteros, after all…it’s the province of ALL right-thinking people. You should just make it clear that as a human being, you are made uncomfortable by their behavior and won’t tolerate it.
(sidebar - are we expecting too much to ask the kind of knuckle-draggers who work at Pep Boys to behave in an enlightened way? Present company excepted, of course.)
Aieeeee, wacky ninja, what a pain. In college, I was outed to a fairly close (I thought) friend, who proceeded to do things like leave parties when I arrived, cross the room to avoid me, etc. Needless to say, the friendship did not survive, and I’ve been rather wary since. (Since we were hanging with a primarily gay crowd, said friend didn’t receive much sympathy or support, however.)
All in all, I would say don’t come out to your coworkers if you’re uncomfortable with the idea or if it could create a bad situation. But that doesn’t mean you have to put up with their crap, either. Go ahead and berate your coworkers for their offensive comments without admitting your personal preferences. After all, one does NOT have to be a member of a group to support their rights. Last I checked, I don’t have to be of the appropriate ethnic group to refuse to put up with racial slurs. Of course, the rainbow sticker might make they story harder to put over, but it can be done. grin But, in fact, your personal life is none of their business.
One method I’ve used is to either loudly and conspicuously leave or (if possible) require the offender to leave. “I can’t do anything about your bigotry, but I don’t have to listen to it.”
Of course, I’ve had so many bizarre rumors spread about me at work (at various employers) that I don’t even worry about it. In fact, I generally find it amusing. I’m not sure what I do to attract so much attention, but it must be something.
Oh yeah, and about that guy who asked to watch…don’t put up with that for a minute. If he (or anyone else) says anything like that again, tell him to stop and that if he says anything again, you’ll report him. Then follow through if he keeps it up. Try not to get embarrassed and shy and offended about it … that’s what keeps jerks like this going. Hold your head up and tell him off loud & clear. Chances are he’ll be the one embarrassed as long as you refuse to be.
Do post in & let us know how it goes.
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Gorsh, I’ve gotten verbose today. I’ll stop now. I swear. At least for a minute.
Simulpost in content, maybe… but since mine is time-stamped a good fourteen minutes ahead of yours, we can conclude that you have more stamina than I do. So the question is, will YOU still respect ME? I promise to make up for any shortfall with any secondary methods at my command.
Whoops! Didn’t check the time stamp - just saw that you had posted while I was posting. (I miss that constant update on long threads, doncha know!) I guess I’m just slow - but I get there eventually.
You can use any methods you can think of, Chef. It won’t change how I feel about you.
thanks, really both of you. I think I will follow your advice and just speak up against the comments, but not necessarily make it personal. As for the other guy, i told him to stop, and that you just don’t ask questions like that. Unfortunatly, I have a bit of a temper when people offend me like that and it’s hard for me to not get violent…hopefully he will stay behind his counter so that i can’t reach him, and I will camly tell him to shove it.
I will let you know what happens…but i can’t tell you till after the weekend, becuase that is the next time I work there.<I have three jobs>
Anyone see Politically Incorrect’s gay-themed show last week? Two of the guests were a man & a woman who claim to have previously been gay but are now happily straight thanks to some group that “converted” them. Unlike some other shows that have covered the idea of “converting” or “curing” gays, at least these two said it was a personal choice they made & not something that should be forced on anyone. Any comments?
BTW, the other guests were RuPaul (not in drag for a change) & an actress I wasn’t familiar with who’s in some movie about a camp where people send their kids to be “cured” or whatever.
It was Utah’s version of Gay pride day. Best day of the year as far as I’m concerned! Just a whole bunch of people being themselves without the fear of being looked down upon, attacked, or having the Book of Mormon thrown at them.
No, I didn’t see this show, but I’m sure I would have ended up screaming at the TV. This has got to be my biggest pet peeve. “Curing” or “Converting” gays/bi/lesbians to be straight. When my hubby came out as bi, we had several people give us information on an organization called Green tree. I called, thinking that It would be a support group or something, and it turns out it was one of those places that encourage you to “supress your wrong feelings” and to “not associate with people with your problem” oooh, it made me so mad!
Maybe those two guests weren’t gay before, maybe they were bi, and just chose to be with the opposite sex? I honestly don’t believe you can be “converted” or choose to be straight. I didn’t choose to be straight. it just happened that way. And I don’t think I could convert to lesbianism anymore than a lesbian could convert to being straight.
TampaFlyer and jmelee, some of the ex-gay discussion has been covered in the Gay Guy thread, if you’re interested in checking it out. Much discussion revolved around changing one’s orientation versus changing one’s sexual behavior. (I also believe there was a thread of two devoted to this topic as well, so do a search if you want to.)
I would also note that we have an ex-gay on this very board, but I doubt he reads this thread (he and his fiancee are probably also busy getting ready for their impending nuptuals, as I haven’t seen either of them post for a while now).
> Maybe those two guests weren’t gay before, maybe they were bi, and just chose to be with the opposite sex?
My personal guess is they were bi or bi-curious before & now are only with the opposite sex. I’ve seen the theory before that almost everyone is somewhere along the bi scale.
This was the first time I’d seen the “conversion” topic discussed in a civil way. Nobody was trying to force it on anyone, & nobody said the gays were headed to hell if they didn’t get “converted”. It did make me wonder why someone would need to go thru a program to adjust their sexual preference.
**It was only very recently that we had learned about Polyamorous relationships (we picked up a flier at pride day with the title “Have you ever considered non-monogomy?”) **
Now I’m curious - what kind of ‘pride day’ was it?
It was Utah’s version of Gay pride day.
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Nifty! Gay groups in lots of places don’t really care much for polys. (Or that’s what I’ve heard from many sources - I don’t have much firsthand info.) I’m glad to see that situation getting better.
I’ve never understood why. Seems like the more we can stick together, the better off we’ll be. Ah well, c’est la vie.
(Since we were hanging with a primarily gay crowd, said friend didn’t receive much sympathy or support, however.)
