I’ve read it, and that’s NOT what I meant. I meant a straight guy who’s genuinely interested in discussing the hetero condition, not the anti-gay Christian condition. That thread may be officially about straights, but 98% of it has turned out to be just another Christians vs. Gays thread (I want to return to the older idea of Christians vs. Lions, but my proposals to the FOX Network don’t seem to be reaching the right people).
Here’s my idea: Just as the MTV show “Loveline” takes callers and offers them both the serious medical perspective of Dr. Drew and the frat-boy humor of Adam Corolla, you and I and the “Straight Guy To Be Named Later” could invite people to write in with questions about gender identity, love, sex, whatever, and answer them according to our own perspectives. I think it would be a popular forum and could even be a moneymaker. Let me know if you’re interested. grin
By posting so openly, are you by any chance trying to let your wife know? Or at least to sort of push for a discussion with her? I admire your courage (I think) for being so open but it would seem you have a lot to lose and little to gain.
Like I said, Mrs. Chef is afraid that if she touches the computer, it will (a) bite her, or (b) start flashing “SELF DESTRUCT” and then melt into a pile of slag. She does NOT surf unless I’m in the room to help her. I’m not worried she’d find it on her own; the more worrisome possibility is that someone motivated to hurt either me or her will show it to her. But I really don’t think that will happen either; such a person would have to not only know my real-life information but also know that I post here, and I don’t think more than a couple of people fit that description. None of them seem like the life-destroying type.
Still, I must admit that viewed objectively, my behavior might seem sort of self-destructive. The thing is, I have to talk about it to SOMEONE or I’ll burst. That there is risk in talking about it doesn’t lessen the need.
When Esprix and I and the SGTBNL actually do launch the advice column, I’ll use a pseudonym.
Well, I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Back in my Dallas days, admitting to what you are admitting to would get you burned at the stake. Way too many hardshell southern baptists who were perfectly willing to ruin your life if you didn’t live it to suit them.
I hope there is some tolerance there now.
Assuming of course, they didn’t join forces as well. Woldn’t that be quite a sight!
Crystalguy posted 03-17-2000 04:52 PM
Why? Even if you consider homosexual acts to be a sin, he’s made it clear that he longer engages in such acts. What? Logic doesn’t matter to them? Oh, that’s right.
Anyway…
Bi Guy:
Was starting a homosexual relationship harder than starting a heterosexual one? I would think that in picking up a woman, heterosexuality would be assumed, and what you would be really concerned about is whether she’s interested in you. When picking up a guy, you have to first figure out whether or not he’s gay, and do so in a way that doesn’t get you bashed.
Well, my Dallas days ended shortly after JFK was killed. Back in those days, conformity pretty well ruled and any perceived deviation was harshly dealt with. One hopes that Dallas has improved over the years, but one hasn’t been back to check.
I am sitting upstairs, and my dear husband is downstairs. We just had the following conversation (both of us yelling):
Bean: Honey, are you bisexual?
Mr. Bean: Not to my knowledge.
Bean: Are you sure?
Mr. Bean: Yes, I’m sure.
Bean: You know, I wouldn’t mind if you were.
Mr. Bean: I’m really not.
Do you think he is lying?
On a more serious note–Should your wife somehow find out about your orientation, perhaps showing her the content of this thread would help her understand, at least a little. I think you have explained yourself well.
Well, when I was in military school, it was a difficult prospect indeed. There were boys who had been caught in the act, so you knew THEY were gay, but associating with them was pretty risky. (Also, it was an article of faith with everyone that the boys in the marching band all reported to Lieutenant Lavender, if you know what I mean and I think you do.) Finding each other was done slowly and cautiously, with each of us able to back off and claim we were just kidding until the actual moment of truth.
In college, it was a bit easier: There were places you could go where it was safe to assume everyone around you was gay. maybe you’ve heard of such places; they were called gay bars. the art building was another likely fishing hole, as was the theater. I may have been indulging in stereotyping, but it worked. From then it was a matter of listening for “gayspeak” (you all know what I mean). I have to admit I did very little cruising, though…I wasn’t really over my unhealthy feelings about my attraction to men yet. there was even a porno theater in that town, and it had a room where they showed gay porn. Now THAT was a safe place to hit on men. They might say no, but they were never offended by the proposition.
There’s a thriving gay community here now, Crystalguy. The city has benefitted immensely from their presence, too: lots of chic restaurants, little theater troupes, more flower shops, … (you all know I’m being facetious, right?)
I get the feeling that I have not made my sentiments very clear. I left Dallas in 1963
for several reasons, mostly because I was sick of the right-wing political environment, the racism that was so prevalent and the almost total lack of tolerance towards alternate lifestyles.
It sounds as if things have mellowed since those days and I am glad for that.
::delurk::
Dear CBG,
Thanks for the thread. I have new hope for my relationship with a wonderful man who happends to also be a CBG. The only problem is the lack of an outlet for me to bounce my concerns off of. Ah well, love conquers all?
Thank YOU, Juliette. And now you DO have an outlet for your concerns… Ask Bi Guy is a perfect forum for such discussions.
So since you are aware of your SO’s bisexual tendencies, am I right in assuming that he told you about it, but is closeted in general? I’d love it if you were willing to come back and post a description of when he told you and how you reacted to it. (if you aren’t comfortable doing that, I understand.) In the meantime, please feel free to post any concerns you may be feeling. You can also email me if there’s something you want to discuss but don’t want displayed on the board.
This is a hard question for me to answer. What I meant by the above, for those who don’t remember, is that my dates and encounters with men were marked by a constant fear of being “caught”, left over from my days in military school where being caught was a very real danger with dire consequences. As a result, I wasn’t able to approach male-male relationships in a healthy way for a long time afterward. Now, of course, I’m beyond looking at it that way, and would be able to engage in a relationship with a guy – except that I’m married, and therefore “off the market.”
As for the other question, Gay Guy, there were only two long-term (more than six months) relationships with men for me…and neither were of a romantic nature – i.e., we didn’t speak of love or anything. Not that they were just sexual either… the BF I had in military school and I hung out together, went to movies, etc. We were very careful not to be seen doing anything of a “date” nature like going to dinner, though. The other one, which began and ended while I was a freshman in college, started with a sexual encounter and proceeded mainly along those lines. I met some of his friends, we went to the local gay bar, etc. I didn’t set out to deliberately conceal our relationship, but those old fears were working in my subconscious and somehow we wound up keeping a low profile. I suspect that my reluctance to go places and do things probably contributed to the eventual breakup. Sigh.
Well, I quietly freaked out for a bit (no yelling and screaming ), and then decided that it wasn’t the end of the world. I mean, I have just as much chance of being dumped for another woman by any guy I date. Being dumped for a man would just be a little weird :eek:
–Jules
Gonna go back into lurk mode before I get myself into trouble
But how did he break the news to you? Did you suspect before he admitted it, or were you caught flatfooted?
don’t disappear into the twilight realm of the lurker, Jules…stay with us and dance to show tunes. Gay Guy is coming by later to watch “The Crying Game” (it’s really shameful that you missed that, Esprix…next you’ll be telling us that you didn’t see “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.”) :rolleyes:
ok, ok. I’ve known him for years and never once suspected (even a little). I was caught completely unawares when he just told me out of the blue after we’d started dating seriously. my biggest fear was/is that his bisexuality is a supression of homosexuality (I know that’s not the case for everyone, but there is that chance).
the art building was another likely fishing hole, as was the theater. I may have been indulging in stereotyping, but it worked. From then it was a matter of listening for “gayspeak” (you all know what I mean). I have to admit I did very little cruising, though…I wasn’t really over my unhealthy feelings about my attraction to men yet. there was even a porno theater in that town, and it had a room where they showed gay porn. Now THAT was a safe place to hit on men. They might say no, but they were never offended by the proposition.