Esprix, I LOVE the laughing smiley! It’s not on my list…how do you do it?
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Ahem. That’s Bi Guy, not By Guy. By Guy makes me sound like I merely happen to be adjacent to a man.
I used to skim them all, even the “women seeking women” ones, looking for entertaining ads. I guess I need more information; do you find yourself reaching for pen and paper when you read a particularly compelling one?
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Nah, that doesn’t make you bi. Now if you find yourself having to suppress naughty mental images while you perruse, or if you find yourself fantasizing about answering one, then it’s a possiblity you should consider. But even that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. There are plenty of straight people who get curious, fantasize, experiment a little, and then figure out it’s not for them. Bottom line: if you’re interested in women and not men (and you’re male), then you’re straight enough for state work.
Your Quadell
Enter as follows:
(img)http://www.beginbids.com/ubb/smilies/icon25.gif(/img)
){kind=link}
Except replace the “(” with “[”.
Got it from someone else on the board.
Esprix
Quadell, My Quadell,
I noticed in another thread that you’re engaged. In the spirit of equal time, I wanted to ask you: does she know you’re bi? If so, how and when did you tell her, and what was her reaction? If not, do you plan on telling her?
Feel free not to answer if it makes you uncomfortable…not everyone has as big a mouth as I do. 
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Hi Chef.
Oh yeah, she knows. My life’s always been something of an open book, and I couldn’t possibly hide something like that from her. I’m just no good at hiding things. shrug
It works out well, since she’s bi too. (I can just hear Esprix saying “Awwwww, two happy bisexuals find each other, isn’t that sweet.” :)) Honestly, I don’t remember when we told each other, or who told who first. It was several years ago, and we were both in college, and with the people we both hung out with, it wasn’t ever that big of a deal. I know I didn’t call myself bi back then - I called myself “mostly straight”, with a few obvious exceptions, (some of which she, um, experienced first-hand.) Once the “exceptions” got too numerous, I figured it time to throw in the towel and admit I was bi.
I think the whole thing just came up naturally as part of the getting-to-know-you routine young couples go through. If that had soured her opinion of me, I would never have been interested in her. Ironically, it’s hard for me to imagine going steady with either a completely straight girl or a completely gay guy, (if anything ever happened to us.) I’ve been spoiled on the openness. 
Your Quadell
{blink blink}
Good Lord, am I that obvious to you people? {SIGH}
{ahem}
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, two happy bisexuals found each other! Isn’t that sweet?
o/~ “Getting to knooooow yooooou, getting to know all aboooout yoooooo…” o/~
What, faggots can’t be accepting of your sexuality? Pishaw.
Esprix
Dear Bi Guy: You really need to stop into #straightdope much more (well late nights at least)!
Dominus ex equo descendit, villamque intravit.
Dear Bi-Guy,
First, sorry about the ‘by’–late night. After reading your plea for attention in Ask The Gay Guy, I have magnanimously returned.
I’d like to get your take on something Madonna said about a man not being a man until he has had a dick in his mouth.
I assume she is saying that, in general, men are aghast at a homosexual tryst basically out of cowardice–fear of being ridiculed, or such, by their peers, and that if they were ‘real men’ they wouldn’t care what others think.
What’s your take Bi-Guy, and do you recall the actual quote?
Glad to know that I’m a man!
Seriously, I’ve never heard it before, although it certainly sounds like something Madonna might once have said. I don’t know that I would agree with the quote as written; I prefer to think that being a man is utterly unrelated to any particular sex act, or even to sex in general.
Your point, however, is well taken. (see how I suck up to people that come in and post?) I agree completely that many men might be interested in at least making the experiment if it weren’t for the fear of “what people would think.” A man might face death without fear, but the thought of looking ridiculous – such as being caught sword-swallowing – distresses him to the bone.
And it’s really too bad, because the experience might make them better lovers of women. I believe that’s the case for me; being penetrated has given me a deeper understanding of what sex is like for women (and boy am I jealous!)
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Oh no no. I just meant I’ve been spoiled. I’m very close to my fiance, and it’s good to be able to, well, look at all sorts of porn with her, point out what men and women we have the hots for, etc. It’s just a big part of what we do. I dont know; I’m probably just tunnel-visioned. It’s hard for me to imagine being deeply involved with someone very unlike the person I’m currently with. shrug
About the Madonnna quote, no I don’t exactly agree with it, but it made me laugh. I’m sure she was just trying to disparage the typical male paranoia of “Oh god, I just saw a naked guy, <i>does that make me gay?<i/>” Maddy’s a funny dame.
Your Quadell
Quadell:
Are you and your fiance going to have an exclusive marraige or pursue a less traditional avenue?
A long while back there was a thread re: “Open Marraiges” (the preferred term is Polyamory). Newish to the board I didn’t jump right in…
I am a bisexual woman in a (so-far) 14 year marraige to a gay man. We love each other, have a very solid foundation, are reasonably compatable socially, make great conversations together, are raising a family and plan on growing old together (and maybe with a few other people if the right individuals come along).
Will the two of you choose exclusivity under the circumstances?
oh, geez.
I can’t believe I just spelled marriage wrong every single time in the previous post.
Der.
You should all know that after meeting Commander Fortune in Denver I was quite smitten…good thing I don’t live near her or I might embarrass myself…
I’ve been hoping you’d discover this thread, doll. We need the female bisexual viewpoint to balance things, just as Esprix subcontracts the lesbian questions to Neuro-Trash Grrl in Ask the Gay Guy. I hope you’ll check in frequently!
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
BTW, Commander, I wonder if you’d post and tell everyone the story of how you and your husband came to be married…
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Well, yes, we’re going to be exclusively married to each other, and no, we have no interest in being traditional in any sense.
I could give more details if people <i>really</i> want them, but. . . Well, the line between one’s public sexual preference and the details of one’s private sex life is drawn pretty thin sometimes.
Now hold up - polyamory is different from open marriages. Polyamory is “love of many”, and it can refer to pretty much any relationship that isn’t “you and me, in love, not willing to fall in love or have sex with anyone else.” So closed triads and “couples dating” are both forms of polyamory, but they aren’t open relationships.
I suppose I should start a “Ask a polyamorist” over in the MPISMS (where the “Ask. . .” threads would be most at home, imho.)
Ain’t family values grand? Poly slogan: “Family Values, And More Of Them!”
BTW, I couldn’t spell marriage consistently until last year. My fiance told me “You can’t ask me until you can spell it.”
Your Quadell
OK, I’d like to hear about this.
Talk amongst yourselves. Topic: Why would a gay man marry a woman?
Discuss!
Esprix
Um, because he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her?..
(Did I get it right? Did I get it right? Oh, I can’t wait to find out if I got it right!!)
Kimstu
Chef, I have read this whole thread, and I just wanted to add, if I were your wife, I’d never want to know. Which, of course, is what you are planning, right?
It would be one thing if you met her when you already “knew” you were bi, but I understand why you never found the right time to tell her, since you met her when you were so young. It’s a shame why you couldn’t tell her, but I actually do understand why it didn’t happen.
And you are right - it would do no good at all to tell her now. All you’d do is freak her out, and jeopardize your family, maybe create a broken home for your kid. And for what? To tell her something that is never going to be an issue in your marriage? It would be a stupid thing to do.
If I were in her place, at this stage of the game, I’d want to be blissfully ignorant. Such shocking news would shake me up, make me worry. And for what? Yikes!
The main thing for her right now is that she has a loving husband who is faithful, and who always intends to be faithful. She assumes you are straight, and yet she trusts you to not go out and sleep with other women. So, what’s the big deal - so you won’t be sleeping with other women or other men. Same difference - you won’t be sleeping with other people. Why does she need to know that men are also on the “I won’t sleeping with” list?
Polydactyl Cats Unlimited
“A Cat Cannot Have Too Many Toes”
::crossing the fingers that all UBB codes are correct…::
Quadell:
You are of course correct to quickly clarify my use of the term “polyamory”. While “open marriage” may fall within the boundaries of polyamory, polyamorous relationships are not necessarily open. Thank You.
Bi-Guy:
I would be happy to add whatever I can from the viewpoint of a female bisexual.
Truthfully, I am glad you don’t live too close by either. I could quickly succumb to your charms. But I hope you will always think to look me up when you’re in the area!
Esprix:
Now there’s a complicated question.
He has been out since ‘84, so I’m not a beard. (But before I was a fishwife, I was a fruit-tart.)
Seriously. What I believe, and some people may find this cold, is that the only reasons to become married are for money and for power. I am not a ‘religious’ person. As far as I’m concerned, Love (in its many forms) doesn’t need a legal document to validate it, nor is it a specific reason to get married. A contributing reason – yes, a specific reason - no. In a nutshell, we married for power. Specifically, the power to make life and death decisions for each other if need be. Of course there is far more to our relationship than that, but that answers the basic why part of the equation.
How it came to be – Bill and I met at Rocky Horror during our teen-age years in Phoenix. We were both in the show cast, and we dated until Bill moved back to Colorado with his father and brother. I could not bear to be without him, so I showed up on his doorstep one morning, smiling. I moved in. He broke the news to me.
A few weeks later, it happened:
Some terribly ill-matched friends announced their engagement. We had dated for a year before Bill reconciled his sexuality, and had remained very close friends since he had “broken the news” to me. We thought, if we started introducing each other as husband and wife it would draw attention to the hilarious blunder our friends were about to make. Instead, as we found out later on, it made us common-law married in the state of Colorado at the time. The revelation of this knowledge was profound. We realized we had dismissed the idea of marrying each other outright when Bill came out – for reasons that had little to do with our concept of and expectations for a “good” marriage as we had discussed it in the past. So, Why not get married? We both knew what we were entering into, and did so with our eyes wide open. Within a couple weeks, we quickly formalized the common-law marriage at the DMV and then were “formally” married a few years later on April Fools Day (snicker) in Las Vegas. This year we will welcome our 15th anniversary. We have never been happier within our marriage.
Or, you can just see what he has to say about it.
In our situation, each us has a fully supportive life-partner. We married young and in 2 years, we will have been married to each other longer than we haven’t been. We have similar ideals and ethics. We have common goals and visions of the future. Bill is my closest confidant and my best friend – just like it should be. I am unable to imagine life without Bill as my husband. What Kimstu said is the truth!
We have the all of the stability and foundation of a “traditional” marriage and family with all of its trappings, but exist in a relationship that also allows us the freedom to fully explore our sexuality and our relationships with others. Sure, either of us could have chosen this same lifestyle with a life-partner with which we were sexually compatible, but it just didn’t work out that way. C’est la Vie! Even if it’s not planned, it turns out that way for a lot of people in the long run.
This is not to say we have not formed long term relationships with others. When our daughter was younger and prior to her birth, we had each occasions where we had live-in lovers. (Including a wanna-be home-wrecking queen who was convinced that if Bill had a “real relationship” he would see the proverbial light and want leave his family for him. It took him over a year and half to give-up and realize that his was never going to happen. I can only imagine how happy we might have all been if the home-wrecker had focused his energy on his relationship with Bill, instead of our marriage.) I have been with my current lover for nearly two years. I should note that at 33, it is the first sexually exclusive relationship I have ever had.
We learned from these experiences of trying to blend live-in lovers into our family, and it is not out of the question that it will happen again. However, our daughter is our first priority, and at age 9, the stability of her home life is critical, so this has not even been something we have considered recently, not is it something we would undertake so lightheartedly. It took us years to recover emotionally and financially from the wanna-be home-wrecker.
This is really long so I’m going to go ahead and post it now, but I will follow up. I’m working graveyards, and post primarily at work, so the hours I tend to be on the board are along those of Coldfire, over on the other side of the world.
Debra