When Daleks get constipation, do they change their cry to “E-LIM-I-NATE”?
Dear Mr Dalek, do you have any pets?
I think they have a Tamagotchi… 
A few months ago, I was playing poker with some of my colleagues. At the end of the night, I had won $50, a large amount of vacuum tubes, a Klein bottle, and a TARDIS.
I finally finished reading the manual, and was about to make my first trip when disaster struck.
First, the cloaking device is stuck on portajohn. There’s something fundamentally unsatisfying about the thought of cruising through time and space in a toilet.
Second, and far worse, I locked the key inside. I’ve called around but none of the local locksmiths have the tools to open a TARDIS.
Any help you could give in these matters would be greatly appreciated.
Read my post!
I already read the manual!
I also constructed a sonic screwdriver to fix the thing. Unfortunately, a friend ruined that by using it to open a bottle of Bud.
Do you use “C” or “D” cell size batteries?
IT IS NOT OVERBEARING IF IT’S TRUE! THE DALEKS ARE SUPREME!
HAD! THE TERILEPTILS DESTROYED IT!
THAT INDIVIDUAL WILL BE HEARING FROM OUR LEGAL COUNCIL SOON, AND HE WILL WISH OUR LEGAL COUNCIL CONSISTED OF LAWYERS INSTEAD OF HEAVY WEAPONS DALEKS! AFTER THAT, HE’LL BE A SIMPLE FUSION OF CARBON AND WHATEVER HE WAS STANDING ON AT THE MOMENT!
NO!
I USED TO HAVE A SLYTHER WHEN I WAS YOUNG BUT DAVROS SENT TO TO A FARM WHERE THERE WERE OTHER SLYTHERS IT COULD PLAY WITH AND LOTS OF FIELDS TO RUN IN!
SOUNDS LIKE YOU COULD USE A STATTENHEIM REMOTE CONTROL! THIS IS A DEVICE INVENTED BY THE SAME PERSON WHO INVENTED THE MEGABYTE MODEM!
WE USED TO BE POWERED BY STATIC ELECTRICITY, BUT THAT PROVED TO BE INCONVENIENT! NOW WE ARE SOLAR POWERED BUT CAN ALSO BE FITTED WITH OTHER POWER SOURCES IF NEED BE!
I HAVE TO GO TO A MEETING NOW BUT WILL RETURN LATER!
In the Student Union at U of Houston there used to be a Dr. Who pinball game with a DALEK sprouting from the top of it. I played it constantly because it was without exception the loudest game in a room filled with video games. It would bark out: DESTROY ALL FLESH!! and stuff like that.
Ah, good times…good times.
My favorite Dalek was the one the William Hartnell look-alike blew up in “The Five Doctors.” Looked like one of those kids toys that you hooked up to the hose and water sprayed out of all those rubber tubes all over the place, except it was green (the Dalek, not the water). Made a lovely sound as it died.
Esprix
Mr. Dalek! Once as Dr. Who was leaving an elevator, he accidentally whacked a Dalek’s head, spinning its plunger backwards. The Dalek never corrected this. Whatever happened to that Dalek?
Mr. Dalek! Do Daleks ever hire out as hit men/people/entities for us lesser races? Because there is a certain carbon-based lifeform here in my town that poses as a human preacher. He’s even more detestable than most of the rest of us humans. So how about it?
Mr. Dalek, just one more question! Any comment on these photos of Dalek underlings having an unauthorized good time while on vacation in London?
I was rather disappointed that not a single Dalek chose to try out for the “American Idol” or “Pop Idol” auditions. Is there a good reason why your race hasn’t sent a representative to break the polycarbonate ceiling, as it were, and become a Pop Star?
For that matter, Big Brother could become a vastly more entertaining show were a Dalek to join the next cast.
C’mon now. Seeing how the “Doctor Who” gig has dried up for the time being, are you currently entertaining any offers to appear in other programs?
AND THE BEST PART IS, EVERY QUARTER YOU PUT IN WENT TOWARDS BUILDING THE DALEK DEATH FLEET! THE EMPEROR DALEK IS SUPREME! HE GETS INFERIOR HUMANS TO PAY FOR THEIR OWN EXTERMINATION!
THAT SCENE IS THE DALEK EQUIVALENT OF ‘BAMBI’! YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED FOR BRINGING A TEAR TO MY EYESTALK!
IT WAS REPAIRED LATER!
WE WILL GET TO HIM SOONER OR LATER! HIS NAME ISN’T THE REVEREND MAGISTER, IS IT? IF SO, WE WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH HIM!
THEY HAVE BEEN DISCIPLINED! RECREATION WITHOUT EXTERMINATION IS EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN BY THE DALEK CONSTITUTION!
YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED AT HOW MUCH ANTI-DALEK BIGOTRY THERE IS! AND YET NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT IT! WHEN YOU ARE SCREAMING FOR MERCY IN FRONT OF OUR DEATH RAYS, TAKE A MOMENT TO THINK, “WOULD I BE SUFFERING THIS HORRIBLE FATE IF I HAD EXTENDED A HAND OF FRIENDSHIP TOWARDS THE DALEKS?” NOT THAT IT WOULD HAVE MATTERED, OF COURSE, SINCE YOU ARE INFERIOR LIFE FORMS!
AND VASTLY SHORTER!
WE HAVE JUST COMPLETED A PILOT FOR A GAME SHOW CALLED “WHO DOESN’T WANT TO BE EXTERMINATED?”! IN IT, WE ASK THE CONTESTANTS QUESTIONS AND THEN SIX DALEKS SURROUND THEM REPEATING “ANSWER TRUE OR FALSE! ANSWER! ANSWER! ANSWER TRUE OR FALSE!” UNTIL THEY CRACK. THEN WE EXTERMINATE THEM! IT’S BEEN TESTING POSITIVE WITH MALES 14-25!
Mmmmm…Teegan…
Mmmmm…Teegan disciplined…
Whoops, sorry. Reliving a late-adolescence fantasy for a moment there…
Anyway. Mr Dalek, I note with some dismay that you have sidestepped my previous questions regarding the Conehead menace. Perhaps you’d wish to correct that oversight at the present time? For the record, I’ll re-state the questions:
These questions deserve a straightforward answer, Mr. Dalek. The Terran people have a right to know!
What about the rumors of a 4X4, moster truck/bigfoot version of the Daleks?
Will he be crushing Yugos at a Monster Truck Rally soon?
[Prime Minister’s Question Time] Would the Esteemed Dalek from Skaro agree with me that, whilst Peri was indeed a Total Babe that any Heterosexual Man (and presumably many Lesbians) would do in a heartbeat in spite of her laughable “American Accent”, that Sarah Jane Smith posessed, along with great physical beauty, a winsomely heart melting smile and an innocent charm that made her without a doubt the sexiest companion overall?
And would the Esteemed Dalek from Skaro further agree with me that, putting that aside, seriously do not get us started on that walking wet dream that was Leela.[/PMQT]
Speaking of Bender…Steel Cage Match. Bender vs. a single Dalek. Two robots enter. One robot leaves. Winner? Before you answer, remember that Bender was Ultimate Robot Fighting Champion.
And speaking of Futurama…same scenario, Leela from Dr. Who vs. Leela from Futurama. Winner?
Oh yes, one more thing. Are you guys by any chance vulnerable to logical conundrums the way those androids from that one episode of ST:TOS were? Like hypothetically, if I were to say to you, “This statement is false”, would it have any…effect…on you? Just curious…
Not a total travesty. The earlier bits with Sylvester McCoy were nice.
Sarah Jane! <sigh> :o
If the Dalek hits with the first shot, the Dalek. Otherwise, Bender.
In a steel cage match, the lack of depth perception one eye creates is no problem. Groening’s Leela all the way.
Dalek?