Ask the Evil Overlord

Generally they simply buy the fabric and make their own costumes.

Uncreative writers

Sorry, my bad. A minor weapons test will be affecting everyone’s spelling for a bit.

The requirements are: Fighting skills, Tracking skills, the ability to resist James Bond, and acting ability. A background in the Military, Acting, or Magic (real or stage) is preferred. Appearence is not important. There is no fee, but finding the local branch of the testind center is the first test.

Interesting. Your thread has indeed piqued my interest. I’ve felt for some time that I’ve been wasting my valuable talents working as a secret “girl Friday” for this mook called the Dark Knight. Maybe you’ve heard of him. Anyway, his goody-two shoes boy scout routine has become wearing, and lately I’ve found his “no-kill” policy to be quite a bit dull, to say the least. Your talk of zombies and magic… hmmm! I can finally put my knowledge of conjuring and satanic rituals to good use. I’m not interested in pay, really, just world travel and lots of adventures. Anyhoo, I’m off to the testing center.
Ta!
A girl

(I knew my time would come someday…)

Would those of us who assist in your eventual triumph over the forces of goodness be rewarded? Myself, I’d prefer just a nice governorship of some backwater Carribean island. Just basically rubberstamping all decisions, drinking, gambling, and supervising the public execution of anyone who disagrees with you.

Dear Evil Overlord.

I have found the following items in my basement. I figure you may find them usefull in the upcoming purge and by offering them to you I may be spared. WHich ones do you want?

They are as follows:

Chunk of Kryptonite
Yellow Power Ring
Lord Voldmort’s Yearbook
A Box Labled “Various Pieces of Vecna”
The One Ring
A Big-Ass Drilling Machine
A Bomb with a LED readout
A Cerebro Mutant Detection Kit (pee on the stick, it it turns blue, you’re a mutie)
and One Convenient Plot Device

I highly recommend that you employ a small child on your staff of minions. Any weaknesses in your plan that he can spot should be remedied immediately. Perhaps Elian is available?

Does your staff need a Biblical prostitute? You know, to tempt the hero with kinky foot-washings?

Keep up the good work.

Of course. After worthy minions and supporters, I’m picking people from this board to fill administrative posts.

Hmmm… Well I’ll probably need the Kryptonite and Power Ring. I’ll take the One Ring and Box O’ Vecna to ensure that they aren’t used against me. And I always take Plot Devices. You can be the Drilling Machine Operator.

Actually my niece fills that post.

Your offer is tempting, but I’m not sure it will be the Hero you meet.

Good?

When you Villians talk about achieving “Total World Domination”, does this require black leather/PVC vinyl outfits? Whips? Handcuffs? Ayesha?
What do you think of my sig line? (An actual quote, yet!) Will you be adhering to LBJ’s policies in regard to one-eyed, cyclopean, mother-in-laws?

I find your sig line amusing, and if I end up with a cyclopean mother-in-law I will do my best to never see her in person, let alone have her in the house.

What about your twin brother? Surely every self-respecting Evil overlord has an identical twin brother. Identical except for the fact he is good looking and nice and charming and gets to have a chaste reltionship with either Carrie Fisher or Geena Davis.
Don’t you remember being seperated at birth and the other twin being whisked off to grow up with a poor illiterate peasent, where he learnt witty repartee and expert swordplay.

And don’t forget to employ a five year old child to point out the really obvious flaw in your masterplan.

If you do get your hands on a big bomb with an LED reaout, rig it up to explode at about 6 minutes. That should surprise a few people.

I don’t remember being seperated at birth, but if what you’re saying is true then that explains… Excuse me for a moment, and I already covered the child thing.

Which would you prefer to come after you: the aging, jaded, experienced superhero or the young, idealistic, inexperienced superhero? Why?

I would prefer the young, idealistic, inexperienced hero. He is easier to trick, easier to drive mad, and more likely to spare my minions.

What’s so evil about you, anyway? Literacy programs, interplanetary colonization, boiling Elian, I just don’t get it.

What’s your favorite weapon of mass destruction? Sure, antimatter can be fun, but I personally find black holes to be SO much more effective.

Any openings on your staff for a Relativistic Physicist who knows how to make stable, controllable black holes?

I was recently speaking to another Evil Overlord, and he was complaining that in the “new” economy, good help is hard to keep. His Grand High Executioner was hired away by mp3.com (I suspect those lawsuits will get settled right quick now) and his Minister of Nuclear Miscreancy left to work for Electronic Arts. Do you have trouble retaining talented personnel when they could be paid well in another industry?
On a completely different note, do you have an opening for an Imperial Ecologist? I’ve liked the ring of that title ever since I read Dune. I don’t need much, just a snappy uniform with lots of gold braid and shiny medals. I’ll be an evil Imperial Ecologist, of course, if the job requires it.

Well the executions and assassinations are what convince most people. And raising the dead. I’ve seen the WORST reactions ever to that one.

My favorite, hands down, is the Psychofraculator. I just had to get one after watching ‘Mystery Men’. It’s destructive AND entertaining.

I’ll put it under consideration, but Black Holes are so… final. No land to claim, no minions to subjugate, no dead to raise. They’re too tidy for my tastes.

Not really. The Undead and Robots only obey me, and the rest are in it for fun or a place in the coming order.

Hmmm… How soon can you be packed? Mars is proving difficult to terraform.