It occurs to me that I haven’t done near enough to fight ignorance on these here boards, probably promulgated it more than I’ve fought it.
So go ahead, ask. Don’t be shy.
I’ll clear up a few easy ones for you first.
No, I don’t wash myself with a rag on a stick (yet).
Yes, I can still tie my shoes and wipe my butt (praise god).
Yes, I can still see my dick (in the mirror).
Yes, my wife still loves me and women still flirt with me (don’t know why).
Anything else?
Well, I dont have any questions being a fat guy myself, but I will help answer some questions if the need arises.
Well, maybe one question…Do you have any trouble having sex in the normal missionary position?
peace,
JB
peace yerself, jabe. many thanks to your selfless self for volunteering to fight ignorance with me. feel free to chime in at any time, and if any of my answers to the easy questions are different than yours, please elaborate.
as to your question, it depends on what you mean by trouble. its certainly not as comfortable for either of us as it used to be, and simple body mechanics preclude me from being able to knock the little man off the boat in this position anymore (shes always preferred the oral approach to that anyway), but i can still deliver the goods if pressed.
that said, doggie style allows me to hoist up ol’ franz (our pet name for my immense stomach) and plop him down on top, you see. bliss! but variety is and still remains the spice of life. so we do employ said position from time to time, just cuz its nice to look at each other whilst in the throes of passion.
good answer. I will check in randomly to see if I’m neede, but you seem to have things covered.
peace,
JB
Ah, man, you’re serious, aren’t you? Damn. I saw the thread title, and it made me smile. I thought it’d be a subtle little nudge at the flurry of “Ask the fill-in-the-blank” semi-narcissistic threads I’ve been seeing lately. Too bad.
Nevermind me. Carry on.
actually, im serious and not serious at the same time.
i can do serious.
im better at not serious though.
subtle, however, im not.
slight correction: i had meant this thread to be thoroughly tongue in cheek, but as jabe asked a real question, instead of a sears question, i figured id answer it out of courtesy.
Well, how fat are you? Are you trying to get fatter, get less fat, or stay the same? What’s your opinion about Jared, the Subway shill?
Do your thighs rub together when you walk?
Do your joints and feet hurt when you wake up and start walking?
Why are you fat? Is it more lack of exercise or overeating or both?
In your opinion is there anything advantageous about being fat?
When your animal spirits are high and you’re feeling frisky do you ever try to wiggle your entire body to see if you can get everything moving at once?
how fat am i?
im so fat the nun said ‘blank.’ (thanks, gene rayburn.)
im so fat that when i step out the house wearin a red shirt, all the kids run up shoutin ‘hey koolaid!’
im 5’5", 230. in my neighborhood, thats known as ‘bringin it.’ or ‘table muscle.’ take your pick.
that makes me about 70 pounds overweight, just about all of it residing in or around franz. but, hey, it not my fault. ive got a medical condition. dunlaps disease.
as in: my belly done lapped over my belt.
that one still slays me after all these years.
i usta be 250, but i very recently went to rehab and sobered up and dropped a quick twenty. vodkas got a shitload of empty calories, let me tell you.
as to jared, i am a former professional chef of some twenty years standing, and i would rather weigh 300 pounds than eat at subway, where all their cold cuts are made outta turkey. [insert charlton heston ‘soylent green’ emoticon here] yuk!
astro:
no, my thighs do not rub together. if they did, and i wore them sansabelt slacks made outta rayon, ive always wondered if it would cause some spontaneous combustion.
my feet dont hurt. some joints do, especially my back, but half or more of that is due to the intense labor of the kitchen. (dont fool yerself, citizens, cooking is vicious blue collar labor, with no lunch breaks, smoke breaks, shop foremen, eight hour days, none of that. manys the day ive labored twelve hours straight, bending, lifting, twisting, squatting. it beats hell outta your body. ive got a very bad back with sciatica, RSI in my wrists and in my left elbow from wielding a chefs knife, an arthritic left knee, and a sore neck from looking at my cutting board. glamorous it aint, except for a very few. [emeril dont count])
i wasnt a fat kid. however, as soon as i left home and started drinking in earnest, i grew a beer belly. this became a too much liquor/too much food belly as time progressed. as to exercise, i would, really, except for the fact that every time i pass the couch, my ass faints. another medical condition i cant do nuthin about.
advantageous? i almost never need a coat cuz im so well insulated. thats about it.
you should see me doin nude calisthenics. i bring new meaning to the phrase ‘squat thrusts.’
Five foot seven inches. Two hundred and sixtyfive pounds. You think 230 is fat? When I weighed 230 I was just “heavy”
This is a great thread.
ooowee, booker, you be bringin it! damn!
Is it difficult to find clothes? I see they’re doing a better job providing clothes in larger sizes for women, but I see few big/tall men’s stores. My friends who are married to freakishly tall guys bitch about this all the time. I wonder if larger sizes are a pain for you to find, too.
Do you think airlines should give “fat” people another seat so they can fit their, uh, “girth?” without charging them for another seat on the airplane?
bernse, i guess it depends on whether you are referring to “fat” people or fat people.
you said girth, heh heh.
really, though, i dont have much of an opinion about that, as i am a very compact fat man, and i fit in airline seats just fine. hell, i can even fit into the seats at fenway without a problem, or i could nine years ago. its definitely not glandular with me, so if pressed, id say, pay up, fatties!!
cranky, tough question. take it from me, fat people HATE to buy clothes. fortunately for me, the only time ive ever had to go into a “big” store is when i was two fitty and i had to wear a tie. regular necks only go up to 17 1/2, i needed an 18. the shame!
i can get by with XXL large shirts from the gap, and slingin my pants under the franz. unfortunately, this makes my inseam, normally 27" (i am extremely short), about 22". i gotta roll them gap khakis up five times! oh, the shame! because my slacks bag so in the back, this also gives the illusion that i have no ass, that my legs run straight into my back. this is too bad, because i have a GREAT ass for a fat guy.
hey, other fat guys, jump on in! the waters fine! dont squish nobody!
Dear fat guy(s):
I once saw an episode of Cheers in which Norm was approached by a beautiful woman while Sam was ignored. So - in your experience - how often do you meet a woman who is a “chubby chaser?” Are they common, or is this a myth? If not, then how heavy would I have to become to get in on this?
carl, i have never, repeat, NEVER, met a woman chubby chaser in the entire thirty seven years i have been on this planet. doesnt mean that they dont exist, though. i am, um, very interested in any experience to the contrary, fellow fat men.
i was a relatively svelte 180 pound rock n roll star when i met my wife, so she dont count. plus i just WOULDNT take no for an answer, i just plain wore her down, so she prolly screws up the curve.
i guess the reason women like flirting with me is that i like flirting with them, and im not ashamed of being fat (mostly) so i can look them in the eye, and im married, and fat, so im safe. its not like theyre going to be swept away by passion or anything. plus, if at any time the flirting goes too far, even a little, my suave persona dissolves and i instantly turn into pete the puma, a blushing, stammering fool. that is damned embarrassing, i dont mind saying.
A friend of the family, Paul, is extremely fat. My mother and aunt had the following conversation:
Aunt: Paul just got back from a trip to Ireland.
Ma: That’s wonderful! But how did fit into the airplane seat?
Aunt: He had to buy 2 seats.
Ma: Well, I certainly hope they gave him 2 seats next to each other!
Well, sugar, then you haven’t met moi… 
I absolutely adore heavy guys. And indeed seek them out. Um, well, let me rephrase that.
I sought them out. Before I got married. Then I married a short, baby Stretch Armstrong and managed to fatten him up to MY standards.
Believe me, we DO exist. And worship at the altar of all that is good and gigantic.
[sub]Stop staring at me like that. I LOVE great big men. We all have our idiosycrasies…[/sub]