Ask the (former) Asexual

Since it came up in monstro’s thread, I volunteered.

So, some background:
I’m 25 years old (well for eleven more days). I’ve said I was asexual, now I feel like I could actually be interested enough to have sex. I wasn’t abused in any way, but I did have depression for the first 21 years of my life that really lowered my emotions and stunted my social skills. I always knew I was straight and would find guys cute (mostly fictional guys, but whatever), but had no interest beyond that.

I’ve visited, which is a forum for asexuals, but I found them too aggressively so. It is a good read. I rarely made a big deal out of it, but I know some people do. Since I just had this discussion with my mom, I always found it to be a lack of libido. If an average woman had a libido at 10, mine was about a two. It did vary. Uh… yeah, I did/do masterbate on occasion, but not very often (like a couple of times a month).

I can’t pretend that I can speak for all asexuals or even the average one, but hopefully some other ones will speak up. Or this thread will die a very quiet death which should spare me some embarrassment.

Do men try to hit on you from time to time? And if they do, what is your usual reaction?

Now that you are asexual, what has changed? Just treatment of the depression, or was there more?

How did being asexual change the way that you presented yourself outwardly to the world? (Then again, I suppose the depression probably had more of an effect on that…)

Why a “former” asexual? If guys don’t really interest you sexually, what does?

I get the sense that now that her depression was treated, she is interested in sex. (Not that she wasn’t interested in guys and is now into something else, but rather was heterosexual with an extremely low sex drive.)

When you were asexual, what did you think about when you masturbated? (sorry if that’s a little too personal, feel free to ignore if so…)

Not to be a naysayer about your experiences, but… isn’t 25 a little young to declare yourself asexual? I’m in my mid twenties too, and I have more than a couple female friends who are still virgins, aren’t particularly interested in dating, or are just focused on other things. That doesn’t strike me as particularly unusual. I might describe such a person as a late bloomer, but if “still a virgin at 25” is seriously considered a criterion for asexuality… I must run with a pretty mellow crowd.

Well, I’m not sure how well I can explain stuff, but I’ll give it a go.

Not really, or if they do I don’t notice. I do Renfaire where everyone flirts with everyone and nobody expects anything, but that’s different. A couple of my sister’s boyfriends have told her they thought I was cute, but never talked to me. (which is good, because, like ew!) It’s either flattering or embarrassing depending on the person.

Really asexual was just a label of how I was different. I was missing libido. So no, it didn’t really affect my behavior, because that was how I was already acting. As far as the depression, I haven’t been on anything in about two years. It was completely chemical and the Paxil fixed that.

Hey, I set myself up for this. I thought about the normal stuff. David Bowie. Tygra. Nightcrawler. Okay, not completely normal stuff, but you get my drift.

It isn’t just that I’m still a virgin as much as I had no interest. I really didn’t think it was going to change. (I honestly had someone tell me I needed to hang around more men and that the testerone in the air would jumpstart my libido or something). It was really something that fit at the time and I’m not sure if I like the change or not.

I’d love to ramble more, but I have to run to class.

They were telling you the truth.



Well, she was kind of a crazy person, so I didn’t really believe her. I end up working with the most interesting people. And by interesting, I mean I really never want to see them again.

Would it be too forward for me to ask what your username was over at the asexual forum? I’m sort of curious about what you talked about over there.

I never actually posted. I only visited it for a couple of weeks.

I appreciate you starting this thread, as I find the subject fascinating stuff… but I don’t think, from your description, that you are asexual. I haven’t researched it or anything, but I would think it would be like hetero- or homosexuality, in that you’re born that way and you stay that way, and their libido on the scale would be zero. Maybe I’ll look into it later when I have more time.

I don’t have any good questions to add to the thread, but it is an interesting subject to me. I have kind of a weird drive, very little interest in sex (of any kind) where real life is concerned, but I fantasize a lot (and there’s a lot of variety in what interests me).

Also, as to the quoted part above, I just wanted to say how awesomly nerdy you are (seriously, Nightcrawler? Awesome). :smiley:

PS. In case it isn’t clear, that’s meant as a compliment.

Consiering that there isn’t a single fanboy out there who hasn’t jacked off while fantasizing about Mystique, I’ll silently nod.

If you’re screening volunteers, is there an appropriate ring for me to throw my hat into?

ducks and runs

Do you ever wish your libido was normal? Stronger than normal? Gone altogether?

What is your reaction to erotica or pornography? Does it seem silly to you? Does it ever turn you on?

You say your a former Asexual, when did u/how did u realize you weren’t asexual anymore?
How does one go from asexual to not asexual anymore? Do u just wake up one day and everything has changed?