I think people on the chat are a lot more outgoing than they are in real life. When I compare it to myself (who only chatted a few times) I was upfront, out of the blue and straight to the point. Never did any dates through the internet, though. If I was really the person I was on the chat, people would probably refer to me as a ‘slut’. IRL, however, I’m picky as hell. Only had two boyfriends in my life and both of them I broke up with because they weren’t good enough. Apart from those two who came quite close, I never met anyone (who was gay too) that I would consider having a serious relationship with. Some straight guys on the other hand really had it all, except for one major quality they didn’t have…
This is only with men I consider having a longer relationship with though. I did have some flukes where the only demand was that they didn’t smell.
Thank you. No, I’m not sure that my idea hasn’t been pursued. I originated it independently, and I haven’t seen it advocated by anybody else, but I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody had come up with it before I did.
Trouble is, if somebody else did come up with it, it might well be some radical feminist who does view all straights as being the sort of brutal jerk I was describing. I find reading the works of such radical feminists to be, um, unpleasant, not to say infuriating, so I don’t read them much.
I’ve held much the same theory for years (that some men hate and fear gay men because they’re afraid of gay men doing to them what they want to do to women) although I’ve never manage to express it quite so clearly and succinctly as Danimal.
If gay men really are that predatory, why haven’t we seen the advent of “gay gangsta rap” yet?
jr8
“The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision.”
– Lynn Lavner
One of my favorite quotes - I even have it on a button. Love her! She once gave me permission to write an SATB arrangement of “Such Fine Young Men” since she doesn’t read or write music, but I left music school before I could put my education to good use (haven’t really written or arranged since I left my choir position 4 years ago).
As no one has seemed to mention it yet, I’m going to recommend a recent movie. Released last year, but still playing in certain areas around the country and on VHS and DVD is: “But I’m A Cheerleader.”
It stars Natasha Lyonne, Clea DuVall, Mink Stole, Bud Cort, RuPaul, and Cathy Moriarty. It is about a high school cheerleader who is sent to a deprogramming camp for gay kids when her parents and friends think she is gay. A hysterical movie that really makes one think about the construction of societal gender roles and what is was like when we were coming out.
…that I’m not so sure if this has been asked-if it has, I appologize:
What do you think of “trendy” bisexual/homosexuality-the people who seem to act like it’s the “in” thing to be gay/bi and who are only doing it for a kick?
Depends on the person and how desireable they are. Mostly kidding.
Yeah, it is annoying. The majority of people I met who were on the trendy side of being bi/lesbian/gay were only open about it with friends, or those they knew were gay and thus were trying to pick up. They empathized with us for all the torture we went through, but were not about to go through it themselves. They wanted all the fun with none of the drawbacks. I find that a bit disgusting.
I find it even more annoying when they are the amazing, theoretical bi-sexual because they think everyone should be.
Either they are a lousy lay because it is really not their nature, or they never come through on their innuendos.
Be who you are and what you are and stop trying to be so PC.
It’s like kids who are wiggers and try to co-opt the black experience… just because you think you understand does not mean you do, and just because you want to be one of us does not mean you can.
As a gay man, I despise the word “queer”. Gays seem to use this on each other as a term of endearment, but to me, it is nothing but derogatory. Like the N-word…blacks can call themselves that, but if a non-black does, watch out.
Do any other gay people hate the word “queer” as well? Why cant “gay” refer to the whole group?
I apologize for my input not being as interesting, entertaining, or creative as others’, and I hope this is still on topic, but:
A funny coming out story which was a great learning experience for me: In college I was talking to a friend of a friend and during the course of our conversation, I happened to mention that I liked Elton John, Madonna, and Michael Jackson. He stopped me and said, “Wait a minute…you like those musicians? Well let me ask you this…are you gay?” I thought to myself, “Im not gonna answer that outright, I wanna try an experiment…” So I said to him, “Well let me tell you this: my favorite band of all time is Metallica.” Just as I expected, he blushed and said, “OH well then, I take it back…you’re not gay.” A little later on I said, “You know what’s funny about this? I really AM gay!” He didnt have much to say after that, but I felt that I might have helped teach this naive college Freshman something about the world, that he might rethink his pre-conceived notions. And I walked away knowing a little bit more about how extreme stereotypes can be.
I also wanted to tell all the contributors here that I have learned quite a bit from these posts, and I thank you for your honesty and open-mindedness. And could someone expand on the phrase “Leather is just another form of drag”? I like the sentiments and I want to hear some further ideas on this statement.
Personally, I don’t like it, though not as much as I used to. The word “dyke”, on the other hand, I once hated with a purple passion but have now fully embraced. Mainly because I hear dyke used in a positive way more than a negative. “Queer” I tend to hear in a negative sense more than positive, which is why I still haven’t grown to like it.
Well here’s my swing on it: Well, with drag, you’re putting yourself out there, making a very distinctive ane memorable mark, with leather like drag, you put yourself out there. So, while drag is hyper-feminine (as best I can describe it), Leather is hyper-masculine. Just two ends of the same rope.
This isn’t a part of what the last couple of posts are about, but I’ve been wondering, why do heterosexuals care so much about what we do in bed?**
Jealousy! Plain and simple. The straights think we’re having all of this FAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS sex and they’re not.
**Deacons Trucked wrote:
Do any other gay people hate the word “queer” as well? Why cant “gay” refer to the whole group?**
I don’t mind using it. The problem with “gay” is that is so associated with “man/men” that it ends up being rather sex-specific. But the word “queer” can mean either sex and can also include our Trans brothers and sisters (those who simply dress that way and those who are undergoing surgery).
If I run into people who use the word “queer” as a direct insult, I just fail to take notice of it. They’re most likely trying to get me to react and the best way to defuse the situation is to NOT take the bait. This leaves them in the position of having to repeat themselves (thereby showing that they’re either not intelligent enough to make themselves noticed the first time around) or they’re making the specific action of a social faux pax (trying to deliberately insult someone for no good reason).
I’m sure Hastur would disagree with me on this, but we each have our own approaches. Besides, I’m a sissy and hate getting my panties in a twist.
I dont see how “gay” is gender-specific. If a woman says “I am gay”…that means she is attracted to women, right? If you say a woman you know is gay, that means she’s into women, right? I guess its just a matter of perception. To you, “gay” means man to man, to me, “queer” is offensive, clique-ish, and yucky.
I’d heard good things about it. What did you think of “Queer As Folk” last night on Showtime?
It has indeed been covered, and I can’t remember what the heck I wrote about it. On the one hand, it does seem to trivialize the person and the movement when someone is only bi when it’s the “in” thing to do, but on the other hand, how can one have sex with someone of the same sex if they’re not inherently at least bisexual to begin with? It may be trendy, but at least they’re in an atmosphere that can let them express it.
This, too, has been covered in this and other threads. I don’t mind the word queer myself because I often get tired of repeating “gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning and straight allies” ten times a day – to me, “queer” encapsulates all of that. Plus, it’s that old chestnut, “reclaiming a word.” For better or for worse, the black community has done it with “nigger,” but, as was pointed out, only for themselves (the jury is still out on “queer,” as when nationally-recognized groups like Queer Nation use it, it’s hard for the straight community not to use it to refer to us).
Great coming out story, too. Stick those stereotypes to the wall!
“Drag” in this case not meaning women’s clothing, but rather the mask of clothing we all wear. Hell, wearing a three-piece suit to an important business meeting is drag in a sense – you wear a certain set of clothes for a certain set of circumstances. Leather, club kids, twinkies, granola dykes, your grandma’s best Sunday dress – it’s all drag.
Must be where we live, respectively – I rarely hear it used negatively anymore.
The community is often referred to as “the gay and lesbian community,” not “the gay men and women community,” so I’d have to agree that “gay” much more often has a male connotation rather than a male and female one.
As someone pointed out to me, it’s exactly what they figure gay men want, because they based it off of porn movies - episodes of sex (very MTV stylized) with little bits of plot thrown in. How trendy.
I don’t get cable either, and watched it over a friend’s, but I don’t think I’m going to go out of my way to watch it (and I don’t think the oversexed character is all that hot anyway). I’d have rather watched “Dune” on Sci-Fi.
Is there any type of girl that some gay men seem to somehow be attracted to?
Let me explain:
I seem to have a way with…gay men. It’s really strange.
I dated a guy in high school for two years, and he turned out to be gay, he just didn’t realize it until he was 20 or so. A friend of mine once, while really drunk said to me in what seemed to be in all seriousness-
“If I were still bisexual, would you have sex with me? I think you are so cute.”
And at clubs and such, there are men who are obvioulsy gay and they give me so much attention. And the dj tells me how cute I am every chance he gets.
What is this? I don’t understand, really- why are they so interested in me if they are gay? Sometimes it’s a damn shame, too because they are so my type.
So I was wondering if-
Do some gay men find a certain type attractive?
Me, I look…well, cute. I’m 23 but I seem to somehow pull off the little girl pretty well. I still don’t get it, though.
I’m all for “queer” myself. I always seem to end up mangling “GLBT” when I try to say it. It usually comes out “GBLT”…gay, bacon, lettuce, and tomato, I suppose.
I think “queer” can be a useful term for individuals who aren’t sure whether to call themselves bisexual or homosexual. Someone who is, say, a Kinsey 4 might be uncomfortable claiming either one, but “queer” encompasses both.
Also, I think “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” is a pretty good chant.
Speaking of word reclaiming, I have heard that “gay” itself used to be a derogatory term until it was reclaimed by the homosexual community. Is this true?
Hey Esprix, I’ve got a question for you. Could you comment on the accuracy of William Friedkin’s movie Cruising?
Basically it implied that gay relationships are often ritualistic (i.e. heavy on role playing and mind games), and I was wondering how acurate/common this was. (Sorry if I sound really ignorant, but I’ve heard it is still a controversial cult film.)
Hey Esprix, ever think about starting a newspaper column about gay issues in the Chicago Reader. By the way, I suspect that gay couples have far more sex than straight couples. Wnat to comment on that?
One of my favorite quotes - I even have it on a button. Love her! She once gave me permission to write an SATB arrangement of “Such Fine Young Men” since she doesn’t read or write music, but I left music school before I could put my education to good use (haven’t really written or arranged since I left my choir position 4 years ago).