Hence my qualifier: “Not that there’s a lot of those”. Of all the gay friends my boyfriend introduced to me, only a very few were “Nellie” enough to say, “Yeah no doubt about it, being gay is NOT a choice!!”
Nope, but from what I understand, leather is just another form of drag queens.
There’s a leather bar in Pittsburgh, maybe one weekend I poke my head in.
What does it mean, “Nellie” ? I have heard this term before but have never unserstood its usage.
Thanks!
understood, not unserstood!
The term “Nellie” means someone who is very femine. The terms “flame” and “queen” come to mind. HTH
BTW, I didn’t notice the misspelling until you mentioned it. I guess my brain is good a fixing words through the syntax filter. 
Cheers!
I’m a masculine gay man and I’d agree with that statement. The genesis of individual sexual orientation is still unknown, but it is clear that it is not a choice.
“Nellie” is an archaic word used to denote effeminate gay men.
Agreed. I’m a card-carrying homo, and I wear flannels, jeans, and t-shirts as just my regular clothes, as do many gay men. What do you mean by “dress gay”?
Great, now I have a question…for the gays who have had sex with women (I see a few mentioned here).
Do you consider yourself homosexual or bisexual, leaning towards homosexual? I’d think you would have to have a bit of the breeder in ya if you were able to perform with a woman - I seriously doubt I would be able to get it up for a man, even if he was petite, smooth, and I closed my eyes and fantasized about Jessica Alba. When you had sex with women, did you have to think about men to keep aroused, or did you (perhaps temporarily) find the woman herself arousing?
BTW, any of you gay guys live in Dallas or the surrounding area? I was curious as I have been to several gay bars in the Dallas area (I have some gay friends, the drinks are cheap, and for some reason I feel less self-conscious dancing at them) and was wondering if any of you have been to them. I’ve been to The Village Station, The (something I can’t recall) Mining Company, The Oasis (welcomed the year 2000 there), and SueEllens, which is actually more of a lesbian bar.
I guess the word “flamboyant” comes to mind. 
I guess I would say I’m “bi, gay mostly” as I had no problem performing sexually with my ex-wife. That said, being in a gay relationship is much more natural to me. If something happens with my current relationship and I decide to start another relationship, it will be gay. It’s what I really am.
Cheers!
I want to see what people’s opinion on something is. The college where I work has what’s called “Diva Night” – basically it’s a drag dance for the entire student body. What do you think about this type of event? Although it’s organized by a gay/lesbian/bi-sexual student group, most of the participants are straight.
I can see good aspects to the event (promoting openness and tolerance, not to mention fun), but I can also see the potential for some people going into it with a “freak show” mentality.
I have to say that I’m new here, so I have no idea how the event is actually presented or perceived.
Thoughts?
This what what i was getting at when I asked (wanted to see other opinions). For me, i dress just like most any other guy around campus does. I dont care for designer labels, but I dress in nice (not fancy) clothes (button up shirts over a t-shirt and jeans/cargo pants, or just jeans and t-shirts). My twin (straight) actually cares much more about fashion than I do. He’s all about desiner labels, but we both dress a bit similarly. Basically, i dress in what I think is cool or looks nice. (in HS, i cared much less about my clothes, shoes, etc. than most of the straight guys did (god forbid any of them step on sand in their new shoes, or that their clothing doesn’t match pefectly)).
I just found it interesting that often when some “non-stereotypical” gays describe themselves as such, often, fashion, dance music, and a dislike for sports is often brought up. (dont take it as a slight towards anyone who has said those things here or in any of the previous threads, I just wanted to explore that angle).
That would be the Throckmorton Mining Co., so called because it’s on Throckmorton street near where it crosses Cedar Springs. That’s where the bears and their cubs hang out - I have gone there because as a big beefy guy, I fit in better there. And on the corner of Throckmorton and Cedar Springs is J.R.'s, another dance club…and catty-corner across the intersection is Hunky’s, where you can get an AMAZING hamburger and the best tempura mushrooms I ever ate - light, crispy, greaseless, and with no mushroom slime.
–Cheffie, who is closetedly bi and out only here on the boards.
The inherent problem I see where all things are concerned is subjectivity. What is ‘nelly’ to one person is not to another. What is ‘butch’ to one person is hysterically funny to another. So many gay men are focused on either being ‘straight acting’ or are concerned with being ‘straight appearing.’
Now, I admit I have a certain luxury that not all gay men possess being 6’4" with wide shoulders. This does give me some room to not be screwed with. But, even I’ve been gay bashed by some stupid kids(don’t worry… they got a huge can of WhupAss™ opened on them legally and physically).
I saw the most liberating thing about coming out being the fact that there was no longer a true expectation of what I was supposed to be and therefore could make myself into an image of what I wanted to be. I think it takes strength and integrity to follow one’s own concept of self rather than be pigeonholed into what everyone else thinks you should be.
Liberation isn’t just the freedom to love who you want, but to form your own identity without being perjured for it.
I think too many gay men in urban settings worry about fitting in and being like everyone else and submerge themselves to the point that they lose their real identity.
Giving up gender distinctions, which are artificial constructs, and ignoring what society tries to do to pigeonhole identity, which is also artificial, gives one the chance to form what is called an authentic identity. What I think is a shame is that the most prevalent group for that is teenagers. Once one is an adult, that authentic identity is often given up. This is true for all aspects of sexuality, gender, and ideology. While not everyone does it, far too many do. All to belong and be accepted.
I believe this is called “dressing lesbian”.
<ducks and covers>
Hi JeffB:
I’m new to drag shows (total attended: 2) but I think I can shed some light on the subject.
I think drag shows are a hoot! 
They can be great entertainment and some of the “girls” are quite good. I have to say that do I enjoy the entertainment. I’m not sure of the orientation of the participants, but I would say the majority of them are gay. Interesting your shows are mostly straight cross-dressers.
It seems that the queens lip-sync to songs performed by female singers and some go all out to portray the ultimate diva. I saw some of those at the Central PA Gay Pride Festival. Fancy dresses, big hair and headdresses. The show I saw at the AIDS benefit in Ebensburg had girls dressed a bit more conservative. However the girl in the leather outfit doing a rock-n-roll number was quite wild.
Perception of the show depends on the audience. At the shows I saw the audience was very appreciative of the show. Of course, Gay Pride and a gay bar means less people there to see a freak show. I’m not sure how college students perceive the show.
Is this show some sort of benefit? Good luck.
Cheers!
LOL! When I mentioned your post to my mate, he reminded me that he called me a lesbian the other day!
OH, BTW, I do own a pair of dike boots!
Cheers!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Doobieous *
**
No offense taken here. I dunno, I guess since I just came out, I’m trying to keep my identity. Funny thing about it is my identity has pretty much staying intact. The only difference is now I can be intimate with a man (or I should say “my man” ) Even for a gay man, prejudicial feelings and thoughts are there. i.e. “I’m not like a flame or anything” :^|
Cheers!
I have not changed much about myself and the things I did were more in a relationship way. Then, too, I have not came that far out of the closet. If you read my other posts, you know this area is not for the truely open gay people. 
I spent way too many years trying to fit in this group or another. I have decided a few years ago to quit playing roles that I do not fit in and just be myself. Like it or not, think I’m a geek or an asshole or a cool guy, I could give less than a care. This is me, deal with it!
I’d like to feel that liberating feeling you decribe with coming out but I’m not sure how to handle the whole coming out process. I’d like to be able to talk about my social activites (gay pride, AIDS benefits) but I’m not ready to deal with any negative reactions (see above). Maybe I’ll start a debate here or IMHO about the coming out process.
Thanks ** Hastur** for a thought provoking post.
It’s hard to not fear losing your identity. Afterall, your identy is what makes you you. I think that for me, as I’ve become more secure in myself (overall, not just sexuality), i’ve come into my own style, my own identity. I wouldn’t say I care too much about what others think, after all, being gay, i think you pretty much have to ignore what others think, or else live your life closeted (i’m finding that people really don’t care much at all). I feel i dont need to act masculine, or femine, just being myself. People can easily see through the fakes. It’s the ones who stay real that people like.
I do the things I do because I find them interesting or fun (fortunately my parents have always been open to letting my brothers and I do our own thing). I dye my hair because It’s something that I like, I garden (which was something I kind of used to be embarassed about in HS) because it’s fun. I invent languages, though some would think I was wasting my time, and I dress the way I do because I like the way I look, and I like the clothes I buy. All of those things are a part of my identity. Of course, it’s been influenced by other people (like clothing style), but, i dont do things to try to fit in. Afterall, I dont know many 21 year olds who are really into gardening and plants like I am, or into constructing languages or writing systems.
Of course, socially, you do feel a need to fit in somewhere, but, you just have to find your niche. Fortunately i’ve found friends who take interest in the things I do (probably why my friends are all language majors or were at some point).
OK, I’ve started a thread asking for help with the coming out process. Any and all suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
TIA,