Weird_Al, at this point I can’t even remember exactly what your question in re Camille Paglia was, but if you want to hear a range of opinions, you could always open up a thread just on her. Lord knows you could find enough argument-spurring quotes from the woman.
Of course, this won’t help if you only wanna talk about it with Matt. But since he seems busy…
Sigh I would have to say the first one. She’s pretty enough, I guess, but I can’t say as I have a hard on for her. As for the other reason, I suppose I could understand it if he were a bit annoyed, but if he doesn’t want to answer the question, he could just say so. As it stands now, I’ve just been left hanging.
Matt made some accusations about her, and I asked for cites. I can’t remember exactly what it was either. That’s why I have the computer remember for me. I could go back and dig up the relevent posts and quote them in a new one, but I don’t want to seem too annoying…
I suppose I could, but that seems a bit like overkill to me.
No, Matt. I know fem guys as well as masculine women (not all of whom are gay, BTW). I was only saying that the OPs supposition that in most gay relationships there is a male/female pair is incorrect.
This happens to be HIS (HER) stereotype.
DEAR GAY GUY:
Why is it that I never hear about poor gay folks? All they gay people I hear about are either middle-class or upper-class – with the possible exception of “starving” college students, but these always seem to come from middle- or upper-class families. Are there no gays living off welfare checks in trailer parks?
Do all would-be inner city gays get targeted and killed by gang violence or something … or are lower-class family environments “less conducive” to raising kids that, for what ever reason, eventually realize they’re homosexual … or are homosexual desires simply not there (or not as strong) when one is not doing well economically?
Of course, there are poor gay people, but they don’t make the news or get interviewed in magazines because they’re poor. Here in the DC area, there are gay clubs in Southeast that cater predominantly to blacks. Vogueing was invented by poor black and Hispanic drag queens at vogue balls, where poor gay folks of color would put on shows pretending to be businessmen, military officers and debutantes.
There are poor gay folks in the ghettoes and in rural areas, but they have to maintain low profiles to avoid ostracism and violence. Gay men and lesbians don’t have the luxury of being out and fabulous in the Bible Belt.
Actually, I was just reading something on this:
When do you hear about the specific details of poor people’s lives at all? The media doesn’t generally give a damn about the poor, so unless you personally know poor people then you’re unlikely to hear much about their sexual preferences. But you can rest assured that there are plenty of poor homosexual, bisexual, and transgendered people out there. In fact, I’m surprised you haven’t heard of at least one such person – Brandon Teena certainly wasn’t wealthy. In the movie Boys Don’t Cry Brandon even spent some time living with a gay relative in a trailer, although I don’t know if that portion of the movie was based in fact.
I’ll take D, none of the above.
If the role hasn’t already been cast, I’d like to apply for TSGTBNL.
Whoa, just when you thought it was safe… 
But, um… I’m poor! I just project an air of being fabulously wealthy and social.
Esprix
'Spree, honey, you’re a temp. “Poor” is implicit in that job description. 
jayjay (fellow temp)
I’m poor too… and whenever I hear about that myth, I think, “As the late Harvey Milk said when told that gay men had an average of 500 sexual partners, ‘I wish!’”
Hey, maybe someone should start an “Ask the Temp” thread…
-Lamia (also a temp)
“The Who! I love bands!” -Homer Simpson
I’m gay and living below the poverty line here. I am going to university, but I spent quite a few years before starving, bouncing between welfare and awful minimum-wage jobs. I still support myself on a shoe-string budget.
I did grow up in a middle-class background, but had to leave home for a variety of reasons, one of which was homphobia. I was lucky I had somewhere to go. Estimates vary, but people who work with homeless youth estimate a vastly disproportionate number of them had to leave home because they’re gay. Either their parents tortured them in some way or threw them out. You don’t hear about them because they have no financial clout, and people generally don’t care about the homeless anyway.
My first boyfriend was desperately poor all of his life. His father was a truck driver, and he grew up in a little slum called Esquimalt. I knew several gay guys and bisexuals there. Most of them escape to the big city the moment they can. Those that can’t stay in the closet to protect themselves.
Dear Gay Guy (and any lesbians in attendance):
I was reading the “Butch/Feminine Lesbian” thread in GQ and another question occurred to me:
It’s my understanding that in a given homosexual population, there are the (smaller) “gay-seeming” segment and the (larger) “straight-seeming” segment. (I’m aware that these terms are very controversial at best. I do not intend offense, I just can’t think of a better way to describe what I’m talking about- if there’s a better term let me know and I will commence using it.)
The question is really about finding another person to have a relationship with, and the differences between the gay male and the lesbian experience when it comes to this.
It seems to me that women in general are more touchy-feely and physically intimate with their female friends than men are. Men are also exceptionally paranoid about any physical or emotional contact that could “seem gay”. It would seem then that women would give many more “false positives” than men would.
Is this generally the case? Does flirting or exploration take longer with women? Or is the general comfort that women have with each other a sort of lubricant that makes these revelations easier?
Thanks in advance.
…but the only one I could find hadn’t had a post since April, so I’m posting my question here instead.
Right now, I am attending a very conservative Christian college in the midwest/great lakes area. I did not choose to attend this college for the atmosphere, but because they offered me a shitload of money, and because the school is a pretty good school. I signed the intent form, thinking, how bad could it be?
Answer: very bad. Very intolerant. I am bisexual, and, really, I’m afraid of what would happen if I outed myself. To be honest…I’d just recently gotten the nerve to out myself to some of my closer friends back home. My friends are very, very tolerant. The people here aren’t, going by opinions that have been expressed by the people on campus.
So, anyway, here’s my question: how do I get through the next four years of my life? On the short term, I can avoid outing myself fairly easily (I have a boyfriend with whom I am in a serious relationship), but I can’t see myself doing that for another four years. Are there any ways of outing one’s self that won’t result in an extreme lack of a social life in this kind of situation? And, if nothing else, are there some good, cheap colleges around that will be a little more welcoming (preferably in Michigan, so I can be near my bf, but anywhere will work).
Sorry if this is a hijack. I didn’t know where else to post it…
OY! Not one, but two unanswered questions in my own thread. The Gay Guy[sup]TM[/sup] has been lax. 
How about stereotypical and non-stereotypical? Or butch and femme? Even masculine and feminine work better than ‘straight’ and ‘gay,’ but, for your purposes, I understand what you mean.
I certainly couldn’t speak for women (andygirl? Anyone?), but I can speak from my own perspective.
Much of a man’s attitudes come from where he is in the coming out process. It has always seemed to me that, once a person really and truly accepts themselves as gay, part of that process involves letting go of pre-conceived notions of what a “man” is, or what “masculine” is. Sure, we know what we’re attracted to (big butch bear boys or femme little twinkie boys), and being gay doesn’t mean being androgynous or losing one’s butch or femme tendencies, but, IMHO, it does make one more willing to accept not only the differences in others, but also the differences in yourself. The most well-adjusted people are the ones that say, “Yeah, I do leather at the bars, but once a month I do drag for charity,” or the ever-popular expression, “Femme in the streets, butch in the sheets.” gobear, butch thing that he is ( ) has no problems with matt_mcl’s alternatwinkiedom, and vice versa; these are well-adjusted people, in my view, accepting of their and others’ sexuality in all its wondrous diversity and splendor. The ones you gotta watch out for have “discreet” in their AOL profiles - evidently, they still have something to be ashamed of, but that’s their problem, not mine.
My point? A lot of the gay community (certainly not all, mind you) have been through at least a portion of the coming out process, so the vast majority (at least, what I see), have no problems with being touchy-feely. Gay men are constantly hugging each other hello and pecking each other on the lips or cheek in greeting or farewell. More and more I see same-sex couples holding hands in the street (even Dr. Boyfriend had me doing that on a regular basis in downtown Philadelphia), but in particular it’s during gay environments (bars, parades, etc.) that those kinds of things are evident.
I would venture to say that women do have a leg up in this department over men, since American society still accepts women being physically and/or emotionally demonstrative or affectionate with each other without the stigma of being queer. But once a man experiences the freedom that comes with his sexuality, it’s hard not to look back on what they were taught to be “as a man” and realize how silly it all looks once you’re past it. Freedom, like from gender roles, is truly power.
Esprix
Chef Troy had an “Ask The Bi Guy” thread, but it’s been a long time since anyone posted to it. But since you’ve asked, I’ll do my best to help out, and I’m sure he and our other bi Dopers will chime in.
My sincerest condolences.
Yeesh. Not an easy situation in which to be.
Neither a hijack nor an inappropriate place to ask. That’s what we’re here for!
Well, couple things come to mind:
[ul][li]Find the closest queer resource - bar, community center, social group, bowling league, whatever. Even if it’s only once a month, that outlet may prove to not only be stress-relieving for you, but might get you a whole new group of friends. And who knows? Maybe you’ll see a classmate there. :)[/li][li]Seriously weigh the possibilities, both best-case and worst-case for each decision. If you stay in the closet, will you be able to deal with your feelings? If you come out, how bad will it really be? Is there even the slightest possibility you could lose money and/or your academic standing for not meeting the college’s admittance requirements (if it’s a private school, they might be able to kick you out for not meeting their “moral standards”)? These are real things to be considered.[/li][li]That said, feel around. Casually mention liberal topics and see who is open-minded and who isn’t.[/li][li]There are ways to be yourself without making The Grand Announcement. If people get to like you the way you are, when they finally realize your sexual orientation it won’t matter, 'cause by then you’ll be the coolest chick in school. ;)[/li][li]Liberal colleges? In Michigan? Dear, do you have any idea how many dykes there are in that state? 
No doubt you’d be able to find a nice place to continue your education, if that’s what you end up deciding to do.[/li][li]Don’t think you have to do anything - do what you’re comfortable doing, and don’t talk yourself or let anyone else talk you into doing something you don’t feel 100% comfortable with.[/li][li]Whatever your decision, be confident - people respect that, even if they don’t like you.[/ul][/li]
Any other tidbits of worldly advice for our young friend from the rest of the queer Doper contingent?
I hope that helps.
Esprix
Hey Exprix! I was browsing through your thread, and I have some questions. You’ve probably covered them already, but there are about four threads on the subject with about ten pages apiece, and I’m just too lazy to browse them all. So, my questions are: What was it like when you finally came to the realization that you were in fact gay? Did you feel as though you had to talk to someone about it? Did your family and friends accept you for who you were? And lastly, what would you say to someone who, to put it nicely, doesn’t think that the whole idea of being gay is morally right? If you’ve answered these questions already, just give me a link to the proper thread. I’m really interested in hearing your thoughts on these topics, though.
Hey, Gay Guy!
(This feels like writing to Dan Savage: “Hey F*****!”)
I’ve been reading your threads with great interest but also skimming quite a lot, so I apologize if this question has been asked and I missed it.
Ahem…
Do any homosexuals find their own bodies sexually arousing?
This is a sincere, if prurient question, and I appreciate your answer or gentle nudge to the appropriate thread.
TTFN!
Thanks, Esprix. Sorry I forgot to post my thanks before.