Ask the Gay Guy IV!

Great Debates
341

Swiddles, darling, I’ll go a step further than Esprix and suggest that this guy isn’t worth pursuing, even for rebound nookie. You should probably trust your own instincts about how it’d turn out.

Consider that while your own motives/intentions might be clear, you have no idea what his are. If he’s that confused, it’s not going to be simple and straight-forward for either of you, even if you think you’re just in it for the nookie. Believe me, I’ve been there. (In fact, I have a special talent for finding fence-sitters, or I put out some signal which lets them find me. How’s that for gaydar?)

No question he is confused. I mean, he works the door at a gay club. As Esprix would say:

DING!!!

In my experience, men don’t experiment with other men unless there’s there there. This guy has about as a good a chance of being straight as Cher’s current tour has of being her last one.

342

Umm… no offense, but hasn’t anyone heard of bisexuals?

The guy may be bi, as his interest in both sexes would seem to indicate.

The only real way to find out is a test-drive. Take him for a ride around the block, Swiddles. Then come back and let us know how he handles.

343

Well…OK. MrVisible does have a point: Mark might be bisexual, and Swiddles’s friends might not know him as well as they think. That would make for a different, but still confusing, situation and maybe not the best bet for a rebound fling? Depends on how vulnerable Swiddles is feeling at the moment.

Aw, what the hell, Swiddles, go for it!

344

I never discounted him being bisexual, but if the best he can muster up is “experimented,” this isn’t exactly a well-adjusted bisexual. Sounds like he’s got more than just issues - he’s got a subscription.

Do you have time for that? Only you can answer that…

Esprix

345

lol And I think I’ve met some of the other subscribers.

Thanks, Esprix; you said it much better than I could/did.

346

OK, the story, as with most things in my life, gets stranger. So I keep running into this guy because A.) I live in a city with less then 100,000 people B.) We have many of the same friends. The last time I ran into him, in what appeared to be an attempt to FLATTER me (a heterosexual GIRL) he says to my best friend “I wouldn’t want to cross her. She looks like she could do damage. I mean, I think she could beat me up.” Now, admittedly, men don’t know jack about how a woman thinks. But LOGICALLY, you don’t attempt to pick a girl up by talking about how STRONG she is. I mean, maybe Linda Hamilton or Susan Powers or something, but not me.

Secondly, the self-same best friend (we’ll call him Will) runs into Mark (guess where?) at the gay bar. He decides to “mess with him.” Will hits on Mark. Mark nicely turns him down, saying "I’m straight.
Will says “Get OUT! I never would have guessed it! Everyone thinks you’re gay! Can I ask you a question?”
Mark: “Sure.”
"Why do you come to a gay bar so often?
Mark: “I have a lot of friends who come here.”

Which he MET at the self-same gay bar. And these ‘friends’ of his? They’re mean. They’re catty. They’re the ones who were calling him the ‘faggiest fag.’

Anyhoo, so not worth it. He’s cute, in an unthreatening kind of way. And WHY is he unthreatening? Because he’s GAY. I just want to hold his hand and tell him he’ll be loved when he comes out. But he ain’t gonna be loved by a Swiddle in a biblical sense, if ya know whatta mean. Maybe he IS bisexual, but I’m really not at a place in my head to shepherd someone through that voyage of self-discovery.

Happy 7000th, Esprix! As always, you’re right.

347

ah, my first post…

::waves and hopes she doesn’t screw this one up too badly::

i have been studying homosexuality from a anthro/sociological aspect for sometime now. i also am bisexual myself and engaged to a m2f transsexual.

as for telling if someone is gay or not… it is very difficult. a lot of people think my boyfriend is gay because he is so very feminine looking (in fact, most people just assume that he is female until they hear him speak). while it is true that he is bi, he only dates straight men, but overall, prefers females.

i am also happy to answer any questions based on historical/cultural aspect ofs homosexuality, although i must admit, i mostly study male homosexuality. ^^

348

Kudos to you, Riddles. Just took a little time to see things more clearly.

ava, if you are “engaged to a m2f transsexual,” why do you refer to her as your “boyfriend?” :confused:

Esprix

349

the closest term to what we can find for shiki is “gender dysphoric non-op m2f transsexual”

it is much easier to simply say “m2f transsexual” though, because more people understand that. ^^

there are no terms in the modern language for what shiki is - a sort of “both-gendered” person. being of both male and female gender. i switch between using male or female pronouns depending on my mood. if only the english language wasn’t so dependent on pronouns, or had an acceptable additional one…

350

'Round here we’d call her by her self-identified gender. I your fiance identifies as m2f, we’d call her a girl. Just so you know that we understand.

351

Or woman, actually, “girl” being used simply because you’d call her your “boyfriend” and I got caught in the boy-girl rut.
[sub]Maybe I’ll slink out now.[/sub]

352

No worries, Home. :slight_smile:

Esprix

353

Hey, we’re familiar with the berdache concept!

354

Yes, but while that is common in most other cultures, there is no term for that in modern english. And the term Berdache comes from the term “male prostitute” so I don’t know if it would be proper to adopt that for our own usage…

355

Esprix, here’s a poser that may fit more in Cafe Society, but it’s been bugging me on and off.

About Buffy.

No, not about Willow. About Warren. Josh loves to make people miserable. And I admit, I’ve seen and known Warrens in my life. Enough to make him a decent stereotype. Living Denying Gay Dormat Boy. But the thing is, I’ve not seen any commentary about how he’s a horrible stereotype or anything… and there’s some pretty broad slapstick directed his way. Any thoughts?

356

Actually, its Andrew whose the closeted gay guy on Buffy. Not Warren.

357

Actually, I don’t care for nor watch Buffy. I’ll have to let my esteemed colleagues field this one.

Esprix

358

Yes, Andrew is portrayed poorly. However, I do not believe that is because he’s gay. He’s a geek, just like all three of the Trio of Doom geeks. The bad things about him emanate from his geekiness. Yes, he does evil things because he’s in love with Warren, but that’s because he’s a weak person, not because he’s gay. We’ve seen plenty of straight characters do bad things on Buffy because they were in love with a bad person of the opposite gender.

I honestly think the only reason Andrew is gay is to give him something that makes him different from Jonathan, and a reason to stick with Warren even as things got worse and worse. I don’t think it was intended to stereotype gay people or to paint a negative image of homosexuality.

He also has bad taste… Jonathan was far more attractive than Warren.

359

Andrew. You’re right. See, even in the posts, he’s overshadowed.

I also agree with your conclusion, Sdrawkab, but what I was thinking of was how we’ve had firestorms over “Oh, Joss had to kill the lesbian” when Tara died, while Andrew’s lackey/Igor-ness leaves him holding the bag and having all the worst things happen to him… and I hear no shrieks of outrage.

I know the reason he’s sad, it’s because bad things happen to all people in the Buffyverse, especially in romance.

So… is this a first, a negatively portrayed gay person whose gayness is portrayed as the setup for having bad things happen to him, but who is acceptable as a realistic character? As opposed to the traditional flamboyant flamer type who’s a bad parody.

360

I did not see this answered yet, sorry if it has already been answered.

Just what do you think about women, and what are your attitudes towards feminnity?

All of the male homosexuals that I personally know, are masculine(for example, like the movie starts: Rock Hudson, Montgomery Cliff, etc.), and macho. Nothing about women or femininity attracted them at all. All of the male homosexuals that I know, were attracted to masculinity.

Therefore, why do all the stereotypes on tv, portray homosexual men as being effeminite and talking with a lisp?

Are homosexual men REALLY?? attracted to femininity, like in the movies and on tv? That does not make sense to me. Why on earth would any homosexual man be attracted to a feminine or effeminite man, when instead he could have the real thing?

On tv, they show homosexual men dressing like women. Why would any homosexual want to dress or look like a woman?

Are homosexual men attracted to men that look like women? Why is there a “miss gay pagent”(I have seen news items on these things)? where homosexual men dress like women(some of them with beards!!!) and enter a beauty pagent?

If homosexual men are attracted to feminine men, then I question whether or not he is really gay.

Is this a “put down” on real women? a paraody? an “in your face”? or what?

My first impression when I saw such things, is that they were trying to put down women, and to degrade women.

I seriously just dont understand the connection between homosexual men and straight women, and femininity.

If homosexual men are not attracted to women, then is it because of the way we look? or because of the way we are? or is it just the kind of sex thing that you want?

How can I know how to respont to homosexual men, if I dont know what they think of real women, and if in actuality, they are trying to put down women?