Thanks for all the responses people, very interesting and informative 
Where/when are you posting from that these would be the most obvious representatives of homosexuality?
When I was a kid, but I saw through it. I also saw through the God did it-Big Bang Theory, which I see from recent headlines is still a dealio.
Amazing, isn’t it?
I’ve known people who came out in their 40s, 50s and 60s, most of them having families. There’s a lot of variation regarding same-sex feelings, as well as the particular labeling used. I guess the most typical circumstance would be someone who represses his same-sex feelings and marries because it’s expected of him, or to prove that he’s not gay (some men may join the priesthood for the same reason). During his marriage he may or may not have same-sex encounters, on the “down low.” He may refer to these same-sex encounters as “bisexual” in order to avoid the word “gay.”
There may be external pressures that shift his feelings at this point. Perhaps he’s developed some strong feelings for a particular man. Perhaps he’s been widowed or divorced. Perhaps a family member is also coming out. Or perhaps his kids are grown, and he no longer feels a need to remain married. Or perhaps he’s had a mid-life crisis.
Obviously, lesbians can experience a similar spectrum of feelings and experiences.
Sexuality may be the most complex aspect of being human, and whatever “rules” we establish, there are always some who break them. I don’t think there’s any facet of sexuality that is universal.
First of all, as you mention, bisexuality.
Secondly, you assume that human sexuality is an either/or proposition, or that you figure it out once and then it’s set forever. Both of those would be inaccurate assumptions. Sexuality is far more fluid than most folks understand, because, for many folks, the degree of their fluidity may be very small - for one person, they may once have had fleeting thoughts about a famous actor of the same sex, and that was as fluid as they get; for another, they may be predominantly attracted to one sex or the other, but then later in life find that they’re more attracted to the other; for another, they may go from relationship to relationship between both genders without a second thought. Basically, humans are complicated, and every one of them is different. (This ties into a lot of gender studies, queer theory, genderqueer issues, etc., which I could also get into if need be).
Does that help?
Esprix
Yep. I was born in the early 50’s and went to high school in the late 60’s
I didn’t go into hormonal overdrive for cheerleaders like some, but I thought I was just a “late bloomer”
Never heard of “gay” although there were queers but they were all slim, effeminate, liked pink and carried purses. I had never considered what they did in bed; they were just sissies.
It wasn’t until I got to college and snuck into a dirty book store that saw a Gay section and realized “Hey, wait a minute. That’s it!”
As a good Catholic boy, it still took 8 years of (metaphorical) self-flagellation, rationalization and guilt to finally come out.
P.S> - for 9 years I have been a full time SF area Gay event photographer and have interacted and made friends with a fair number of different birth gender, curent genders, orientations, relationship statuses and preferences. Perhaps I should do an “ask a”. Not sure.
A relative of mine is a long term member of San Francisco 's lesbian community, so I have passing familiarity with what could be called "gay culture. " My question is, now that gay and lesbian people are entering the mainstream and finding general acceptance, what will happen to the traditional artefacts of gay culture?
I apologize if this was asked inelegantly, I’m typing on my smartphone.
In SF, they are already talking about putting historical plaques in spots such as now-closed notorious bars, etc.
Areas too seedy for anyone other than gay folk and artistes are becoming trendy. Condos follow
The Castro, the “Gay Mecca” has gentrified to the point that supposedly there is an influx of straight couples.
For years there has been constant grumbling about how the major street fairs have become “too commercial”
I personally think that general acceptance and mainstreaming makes enclaves set up for mutual defense and support don’t have the cohesion they once did. Personal opinion, of course. YMMV.
This is why I think Domesticity Isn’t Pretty should be required reading in high school.
Yeah, it sort of does help. It’s still a bit difficult to understand or relate to the idea that sexuality can be so fluid, but then many things are until you experience them for yourself.
Thanks to everyone for their replies. They were all informative.
The reason I’m asking some of these questions is that over the yearsI’ve been a lurker on the Staight Dope and the threads I’ve read on sexuality, being homosexual etc a fair few people (like panache45, esprix, someone from montreal who’s name escapes me) seem well informed and not given to fanaticism.
Which leads me to more questions from our lgbt members.
How long have you known you’re gay? I’m finding the older I’m getting the more I find men attractive for some reason and while I’m not sure if I really want a relationship with a man I’m very confused by where I am in life as far as sexuality and relationships and trying to sort myself.
How did you finally come to grips with being homosexual? how did your friends react? (I live in a very small city and “Fag” is a common insult, being a “fag” in my social circles is extremely bad in a social sense as far as most people are concerned, very judgemental etc. Which leads me to being pretty quiet as far as my interests go. Girls are fun yeah but there’s a few guys out there that are just … very attractive lets say.
These sort of questions tend to be better served in either the MPSIMS forum or the IMHO forum. They are not really debates, (and are not, generally, debatable).
I am moving this ti IMHO.
For me, I’ve always known. I can remember watching an Elvis movie and thinkin’ “yeah, I want some of that”. It’s always just been a known part of me like being left handed.
That said, I’ve known people who have come out late in life and never knew. These people, at least from those I’ve met, 1) come from smaller towns where it would be perceived as frowned upon or 2) from a religious upbringing or 3) a family where expectations of heterosexuality are repeatedly pronounced.
And it can go the other way too. I have a friend who was a lesbian when I met her, she grew up with lesbian parents. When she was about 22 years old, she started dating guys and discovered she was bisexual.
She and I were just talking about sexuality a couple days ago actually. We are a bit conditioned to think very binary about sexuality. Every one is either hetero or homo. We forget that there’s a huge middle ground of bisexuality and that that middle ground doesn’t make someone 50/50 attracted to both. It could be 90/10 or 75/25. (We also talked about the fact that there’s another axis missing from the equation re: asexuality vs “hypersexuality”, which shows a person’s sex drive which definitely can very from person to person too).
Even though I always knew, I never did anything about it until I was 20 years old. This was back in 1993 and was when I first came out. Before that, well, it was a bit of a struggle. In the 1980s there was a huge non-smoking campaign going on called “Smoke-Free Generation”. Concerts were held by pop stars like The Jets, t-shirts were worn, and it was a pre-cursor to the whole D.A.R.E. thing. My father was a smoker and I had been inculcated to this non-smoking group so much that my sister and I would repeated plead for him to stop. Since this was the 80s and Walkman technology was hot, he got a smoking cessation subliminal message tape set that he would listen to while he slept.
I remember still sneaking down late at night to read the back of the packaging as it offered other types of help from weight loss to learning foreign languages. What I was looking for was a tape set to stop being gay. “Wouldn’t that be just the easiest solution for my dilemma?” I thought. Needless to say, they didn’t offer one. Wasted opportunity in my opinion until I saw my dad light up again and again. At that point, it just kind of clicked for me that that might just be a part of myself I won’t be able to change either.
Define “fanaticism”, please?
I’ve known since I was about 5. I mean, I didn’t know what it MEANT, but I knew that watching Ron Ely as Tarzan walking around the jungle 4/5 naked on Saturday afternoons made me feel all funny and tight “down there”. I had crushes on male classmates that I kept clamped down so tight the lid squeaked. And at 14, I started hanging out in local public restrooms and doing things that could have gotten me in trouble, and the older men I was doing them with into even more.
But I didn’t actually say, out loud, the words “I’m gay” until I was 18. And even then, I did the “bisexual” hedge. I’m not bisexual, but that would go down easier than a straight-out “gay”.
Coming out is not an event. It’s an ongoing process. You can’t possibly come out to everyone in the world all at once. You come out to your friends in 1989. Then you come out to your coworkers in 1995. Then you come out to a different set of co-workers in a new job in 2000. You’re always coming out, as you acquire new sets of acquaintances.
It’s actually a lot easier if you’re partnered…you can just drop “my partner and I” into a conversation about what you were doing last weekend and people either widen their eyes or shrug and continue the conversation.
Since about 5th grade which would have been somewhere around 1998-9. I was very much out in online forums like here pretty much since 2006-7 but it wasn’t until about 2009-10 that people knew IRL. I don’t know how many people suspected. I’ve had people tell me they knew the moment they were introduced to me and others have said they never would have suspected a thing.
As it stands now, I don’t really ever come out. I don’t hide who I am or engage in pronoun games, but I don’t, you know, sit people down and have a whole “I have something to tell you” thing. Mostly at this point, they find my Cyndi Lauper CDs or something and say “I didn’t know you were gay!” and I say “Red letter day in your diary, then.” I don’t see why I need to come out to any more of an extent than a straight person ever needs to come out. If people assume I’m straight, that’s their bag.
Do you ever get annoyed with certain members of the gay community for being so in your face to straights about it or other behavior?
Never. It would be unthinkable to me to be so disrespectful to the Old Guard who sowed the fierceness I reap the benefit of. Straights can learn to like it or lump it.
As long as I can remember. My first crush was in kindergarten. To be honest, I never really had to ‘come to grips’ with it, because it always just was.
It makes it hard for me to relate to people who say they didn’t know and are finding out that they are interested in the same sex later in life. I’ve heard people say that sexuality is fluid, but since I’ve only experienced being and knowing that I’m gay I find it difficult to understand.
Please explain what you mean by that so I can properly answer.
Yea, I’m a little confused by that one too. Maybe that means I’m one of the fanatics.