Ask the gay guy

In My Humble Opinion
81

[QUOTE=Antinor01]

(As an aside Dmark I’m coming to vegas this weekend, can you hook me up with free Toni Braxton tickets? Seeing as you live there and all. :wink: )
[/QUOTE]

Sorry, but no can do…however, if you are here the night before, sometimes you will find the backstage staff of the big shows at the local Gay bars and they might be able to hook you up…one area to check out is one block south of the Hard Rock Casino on Paradise Ave…the so-called, “Gay Triangle” with five Gay bars within walking distance of each other. There is also a Hamburger Mary’s directly across the street south of Hard Rock.
Lots more places in Vegas - even a new Gay club, KRAVE, located on the Strip in the Aladdin Hotel Casino (soon to be re-named Planet Hollywood Hotel Casino). They have a new, big production show there as well that just got rave reviews in the LA Times.

Have fun!

82

[QUOTE=DMark]
Sorry, but no can do…however, if you are here the night before, sometimes you will find the backstage staff of the big shows at the local Gay bars and they might be able to hook you up…one area to check out is one block south of the Hard Rock Casino on Paradise Ave…the so-called, “Gay Triangle” with five Gay bars within walking distance of each other. There is also a Hamburger Mary’s directly across the street south of Hard Rock.
Lots more places in Vegas - even a new Gay club, KRAVE, located on the Strip in the Aladdin Hotel Casino (soon to be re-named Planet Hollywood Hotel Casino). They have a new, big production show there as well that just got rave reviews in the LA Times.

Have fun!
[/QUOTE]

Yea, my SO wants to go to that new place. I think we’ve been to all of those bars the times we’ve been there. Was really just teasing about the tickets, I already bought them. I decided to spring for the gold circle tickets with the meet and greet…I so can’t wait.

83

Another question, for the now-panel of gay guys fielding questions:

  1. Do you ever look at a gay guy (probably younger) and just instantly go “this guy’s just going through a phase” or “this guy’s just experimenting?” I’ve heard from my female gay friends that they can spot that kind of girl (e.g. in the club or in a circle of acquaintances) fairly easily, and I was wondering if it’s similar for gay guys.

  2. And if you do notice someone like that, do you regard the ersatz queer with pity? Bemusement? Contempt?

84

[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
Another question, for the now-panel of gay guys fielding questions:

  1. Do you ever look at a gay guy (probably younger) and just instantly go “this guy’s just going through a phase” or “this guy’s just experimenting?” I’ve heard from my female gay friends that they can spot that kind of girl (e.g. in the club or in a circle of acquaintances) fairly easily, and I was wondering if it’s similar for gay guys.

  2. And if you do notice someone like that, do you regard the ersatz queer with pity? Bemusement? Contempt?
    [/QUOTE]

No, not in my experience. Young people in general are prone to going through phases. One month you’re a vegetarian. The next month you’re a peace activist. The next month you’re a communist, the next month you’re a Goth vampire, etc. But I’ve never met a young straight guy who just decided he was going to be gay for awhile. The only time you see this is when you’re dealing with a street urchin hustler prostitute type kid. They’ll basically barter their body for cash, but even then I don’t think they’re under any delusions of actually being gay.

It’s a lot easier for young women to pronounce themselves lesbian. For them, it’s not so much about the sex. Being a lesbian is all about feminist, grrl power and being (temporarily) sick of those disgusting oppressive power mongering men. Who epitomizes strong feminist grrl power and not needing men better than a lesbian? Yes! I’m a lesbian now!

Who knows though? I’m kinda out of touch with the younger generations. Maybe some young straight boys really do think it’s cool to be gay, but I haven’t seen it. What I’ve seen a little of, is the male equivalent of the fag hag. I think it’s called fag stag. A young male who will hang out with his gay male buddies just so he can meet all those fag hags he wouldn’t otherwise get access to. It makes perfect sense. You go to a bar filled with gay guys and straight women. No competition and you’re probably getting drinks bought for you by the gay guys!

The other thing you see is what really pisses off true, genuine bisexuals. Lots & lots & LOTS of gay guys go through the bisexual phase during their coming out process. They stubbornly refuse to admit they’re gay. They’ll firmly insist “I’m bi! Someday I’m probably going to meet the right woman and have kids!” They’ll also frequently complain, “I don’t like being labeled! Why do we have to label everything! I’m not just a label, I’m just me!”

:rolleyes: 49 times out of 50, these guys eventually accept they’re about as close to 100% gay as you can get on the Kinsey scale.

One other thing I’ve observed, and am probably a bit guilty of myself but I’m gay so it doesn’t really count, is that young straight guys are every bit as capable of flirting with older, more powerful men as young women are. I think it’s an instinctive human thing. Probably subconscious for the most part. But young straight guys can both figuratively and literally wiggle their ass just a bit more to get what they want, whether it’s a job, or a better grade, or maybe just a free dinner or something. It’s not overtly sexual per se, but there is just a slightly flirtatious dangling of the sexual carrot to get what you want from an older, more influential man. I think it’s kinda cute when I see it, but I’d never ever actually call a young guy on it. They’d be devastated at being called out on a behavior they’re probably not consciously aware they’re doing. Besides, it’s flattering.

85

“Going through a phase” is the last step in denial for almost every Gay guy on earth, the mantra for every parent who hopes their child isn’t really “that way” and just a few months shy from the “godwasIdrunklastnight…” closet queen phase.

Sorry, but as mentioned, you can go through your bad hair dye phase, your heavy metal phase, your stoner phase and your skateboard phase…but I don’t think I have ever heard of a straight guy who said, “yeah, I slept with about dozen guys until I finally met Betty and we fell in love and I never touched a pecker again…”

86

Are you into expensive clothes? Do you buy $5000 Zegna suits? How about dress shirts-do you have hundreds of them (ala Jay Gatsby)? Seriously, do spend major money on clothes-and do you subscribe to GQ?

87

[QUOTE=Antinor01]
However, some of the larger religious right ‘family’ groups have been boycotting Ford. . . So I would be more inclined to purchase from Ford to support their standing up to the right wing and refusing to give in to their demands for discrimination.

[/QUOTE]

That’s just the “religious rights’” effort to put you into a shitty car. :wink:

88

[QUOTE=ralph124c]
Are you into expensive clothes? Do you buy $5000 Zegna suits? How about dress shirts-do you have hundreds of them (ala Jay Gatsby)? Seriously, do spend major money on clothes-and do you subscribe to GQ?
[/QUOTE]

Nope, but then I don’t like to spend a lot of money in general. My SO on the other hand, he loves clothes shopping, not on suits and such, but he loves clothes. Mostly stuff like A&F,Pacsun..and umm those other places I can’t think of.

When we were getting ready to move, I was cleaning out one of our closets and found a storage container full of clothes with the tags still on them. Probably $500-600 worth of t-shirts, jeans and the like. His reaction, “Oh, I forgot I had bought those.”

89

[QUOTE=Antinor01]
Nope, but then I don’t like to spend a lot of money in general. My SO on the other hand, he loves clothes shopping, not on suits and such, but he loves clothes. Mostly stuff like A&F,Pacsun..and umm those other places I can’t think of.

When we were getting ready to move, I was cleaning out one of our closets and found a storage container full of clothes with the tags still on them. Probably $500-600 worth of t-shirts, jeans and the like. His reaction, “Oh, I forgot I had bought those.”
[/QUOTE]

RE: the second paragraph

Are you sure your SO isn’t really a woman? :wink:

90

[QUOTE=OneCentStamp]
RE: the second paragraph

Are you sure your SO isn’t really a woman? :wink:
[/QUOTE]

Heh, sometimes I wonder. If he was into shoes, I’d be half convinced of it.

I believe my response to his reaction about finding those clothes was…“You’re such a fag.” :smiley:

91

[QUOTE=Antinor01]
A year ago, I would have said no. However, some of the larger religious right ‘family’ groups have been boycotting Ford. Ford’s crimes…advertising in gay publications, donating part of their charitable money to gay advocacy groups, extending benefits to their employees with same-sex partners. Basically being a tolerant environment. So I would be more inclined to purchase from Ford to support their standing up to the right wing and refusing to give in to their demands for discrimination.
[/QUOTE]
Hence the Mustangs dude! My guys are cutting edge gay.

Did I forget to mention that they move with a certain dancerly grace?

92

[QUOTE=Priam]
What I’m always looking for is a relationship that is healthy, fulfilling and beautiful, and bisexual only enters in whether I find it with a Mr. or a Miss. Are there some bisexual people who want/need to date both genders at the same time? Probably. But there are a lot of straight/gay people who need to date multiple partners to feel satisfied as well. Polyamory does not equal bisexuality, though it is perhaps more noticeable when one among us practices it.
[/QUOTE]

Another bi guy, just want to chime in with agreement on this point. Just speaking for myself, I’m bisexual because gender is not a big deal to me. I tend to think the female form is more attractive than the male, but it’s on the order of liking blondes over brunettes. Character and personality are what really attracts me to a person.

But as far as looks go, I like a guy with broad shoulders and a lot of chest hair.

93

[QUOTE=Anaamika]
In the hetero side, we have certain things that are “established” in society as being clear power plays. For example, an older man/younger woman is often assumed that the man has all the power. (I don’t agree with this entirely but whatever.) What are similar examples in the gay world?
[/quote]

There’s a funny dynamic in couples where one is substantially younger and prettier than the other: the older one is assumed to have something - money, power, etc. - but the younger one has his own power (his beauty) and is assumed to be leading the older one by the balls and taking him for everything he has. It’s much the same as in Anna Nicole Smith-type couples: both are assumed to be taking advantage of the other in different ways.

Silly? Sweetie, gay men invented camp.

94

[QUOTE=levdrakon]
It’s a lot easier for young women to pronounce themselves lesbian. For them, it’s not so much about the sex. Being a lesbian is all about feminist, grrl power and being (temporarily) sick of those disgusting oppressive power mongering men. Who epitomizes strong feminist grrl power and not needing men better than a lesbian? Yes! I’m a lesbian now!

Who knows though? I’m kinda out of touch with the younger generations. Maybe some young straight boys really do think it’s cool to be gay, but I haven’t seen it.

[/QUOTE]

Apparently there are straight emo boys making out with each other for the pleasure of their respective girlfriends. Which, to be quite honest, is exactly the sort of action I need to get some of.

95

[QUOTE=matt_mcl]
Apparently there are straight emo boys making out with each other for the pleasure of their respective girlfriends. Which, to be quite honest, is exactly the sort of action I need to get some of.
[/QUOTE]

May I point out the poignant irony of posing as a straight in order to get some gay makeout action? :D:D:D

96

[QUOTE=matt_mcl]
Apparently there are straight emo boys making out with each other for the pleasure of their respective girlfriends. Which, to be quite honest, is exactly the sort of action I need to get some of.
[/QUOTE]

How come I don’t meet any of these guys???

97

Ok, I have a question that I hope doesn’t offend anyone. What’s with ‘gay’ speech mannerisms? I’m not sure I have the words to describe it, but I’ll try. I’m not referring so much to the stereotypical lisp, though I’ve heard it taken that far in the past. But among a substantial proportion of gay men, there does seem to be a certain…hyperfemininity in speech? A sort of Silver Screen-era girlish flamboyance to the spoken word, kind of this Scott Thompson monologue “have a martini, dahling” kind of thing.

My question: is this an affectation, or what?

Looking back to my high school years we had this gay kid, he was pretty much crossdresser-in-Con Air gay. But he was closeted, at least to everyone in school. And sure enough, he had that speech thing going on, like he couldn’t shut it off. I mean this guy was fifteen and he talked like a woman all the time. Which now makes me wonder if someone doesn’t want to broadcast that they are gay, why go to the trouble of such an affectation? Is it involuntary?

And if it is just an affectation, why do it in the first place? Do gay men find guys who speak in a feminine manner attractive? Does this manner of speech indicate something else to other gay men?

I’ve wondered about this for years and years, I was always afraid to ask for fear of offending someone.

(And yeah, I’m aware that many or even most gay men don’t speak in this fashion.)

98

[QUOTE=Miller]
Another bi guy, just want to chime in with agreement on this point. Just speaking for myself, I’m bisexual because gender is not a big deal to me. I tend to think the female form is more attractive than the male, but it’s on the order of liking blondes over brunettes. Character and personality are what really attracts me to a person.

But as far as looks go, I like a guy with broad shoulders and a lot of chest hair.
[/QUOTE]

I’m interested that you like men with particularly masculine traits. Do you find your preferrence is for masculine men and feminine women?
Would the idea of a woman with chest hair be as offputting to you as it would be to most people?

99

[QUOTE=Grossbottom]
Ok, I have a question that I hope doesn’t offend anyone. What’s with ‘gay’ speech mannerisms? I’m not sure I have the words to describe it, but I’ll try. I’m not referring so much to the stereotypical lisp, though I’ve heard it taken that far in the past. But among a substantial proportion of gay men, there does seem to be a certain…hyperfemininity in speech? A sort of Silver Screen-era girlish flamboyance to the spoken word, kind of this Scott Thompson monologue “have a martini, dahling” kind of thing.

My question: is this an affectation, or what?

Looking back to my high school years we had this gay kid, he was pretty much crossdresser-in-Con Air gay. But he was closeted, at least to everyone in school. And sure enough, he had that speech thing going on, like he couldn’t shut it off. I mean this guy was fifteen and he talked like a woman all the time. Which now makes me wonder if someone doesn’t want to broadcast that they are gay, why go to the trouble of such an affectation? Is it involuntary?

And if it is just an affectation, why do it in the first place? Do gay men find guys who speak in a feminine manner attractive? Does this manner of speech indicate something else to other gay men?

I’ve wondered about this for years and years, I was always afraid to ask for fear of offending someone.

(And yeah, I’m aware that many or even most gay men don’t speak in this fashion.)
[/QUOTE]

Sometimes it’s natural and sometimes it’s an affectation. Some have it early in life and outgrow it, it just depends on the person.

As to the why of someone using it as an affectation, some do it for comedic effect, Scott Thompson being a prime example, others do it to fit in with a group that all do it, peer pressure ya know…others probably do it because it is a stereotype and they think if they don’t then they’re not ‘really’ gay.

As to it being attractive or not, that’s purely subjective just like anything else that might attract a person. Myself I don’t really care one way or the other. And unless I’ve totally missed something, it isn’t code for anything or have some deeper meaning.

100

Honestly? I’m used to catching flak from people for something or another, so it doesn’t even tend to register with me anymore. I’d say the biggest problem with me in same-sex relationships is also the biggest incentive: no social models. There aren’t any blueprints or guidelines on what a “successful” relationship looks like, so you have to/get to wing everything. It means I have fewer preconceptions, but also fewer models to work with if I get lost.

So… this WOULDN’T be the time to mention that I’m coming to Montreal soon?

I dunno how any relationship could survive without this stuff. How could you have any sort of intimacy with your guard constantly up?

I can generally spot the guys who are just experimenting, but they usually don’t come out as gay so much as quietly start fooling around with friends. You aren’t going to see them at the GLBT group on campus, but there’s more than one might think.

Curiosity and amusement. They’re figuring things out and as long as they aren’t stringing along my friends to do it, more power to them.

I do like looking nice, and as a business management graduate I’ve got a lot of dress suits from classes. Major money? Sometimes, but I keep my own tastes.

As others have said, humor factors into a lot of it. It’s a way of bonding between friends, a signal that you’re saying something over the top as a joke. I also think it can be a way towards self-acceptance: going towards the feminine extreme of gay culture without shame or mockery. Plus, like mentioned above, for some people it just is natural.