Tip of the day:* If you wear glasses, you may have some old pairs stashed somewhere as backup. Put them to good use. If one pair makes you see better, imagine what 3 or 4 pairs can do if you wear them all at once. You will have the sight of a hawk on crack.*
Tip of the day:If you run out of softener while doing your laundry, throw a kitten in the drier along with your clothes. They’ll come out softer AND cuter. *
*You may need to get a new kitten afterwards.
Tip of the day: If you ever feel rejected, ignored or forgotten by someone you care about or society at large, cheer up! So what if they think you’re boring or annoying? They’ll be dead soon enough. Or you’ll be dead soon enough. In the meanwhile, make sure you work out a lot. That way, you’ll be the better-looking corpse.*
*Unless they workout more. In which case you’re screwed.
Tip of the day: If you have a car, make sure to cover it in stickers. State your political views, your religious orientation or lack thereof, include many witty remarks and humorous quotes that reflect your personality and other important information such as your love of labrador retrievers and whether your child has made the honor rolls. That way, when future archeologists find your car, they’ll be able to clone you based on the information displayed on it and eternal life shall be yours.*
*Unless they don’t like your stickers. Archeologists from the future are notoriously haughty and judgemental.