It was truly a lifetime rock-bottom. Even when I was raped, I still wanted to fight back and only toyed with the idea of suicide. On that July 2012 day, however, when the dysphoria smacked me down, all my fight was gone.
Thank you! 
Una, I’m curious to know what you think of transman Thomas Beatie aka “The Pregnant Man”. It was my impression at the time he was in the news for being pregnant that he wanted to have it both ways (or couldn’t decide what he really wanted) and was being needlessly provocative. I haven’t given him much of a thought for awhile so I haven’t changed my opinion. I’m curious to hear your take on him.
Hmm, on reading his Wikipedia page, Beatie apparently underwent surgery for his lower half in 2012, so it seems he’s working on fully transitioning.
And needless to say, the media at the time of the pregnancy likely over-sensationalized things. But transitioning to be a man while purposely getting pregnant and then publicizing it probably really confused people.
(Regarding the What Not to Wear episode for Casey D.)
It was actually worth watching, I think. From my complete outsider’s point of view, I didn’t see anything that I think you would have winced at. Her transexuality was neither ignored nor was it overly focused on; it was mostly discussed in the context of why she dressed the way she did, and the hosts did a good job of emphasizing that her concerns (narrow hips, a short torso, a thicker waist) are ones that many other women have to contend with, and helping her find the looks that would flatter her body best. It was also interesting to watch it and see some of the themes discussed in this thread come out - like her insecurity with her body, her intense desire to “pass” and her great fear of looking like a drag queen. It was an episode from early last year, so if anyone is actually interested, it’s probably available on one of the streaming services by now.
Ha! You definitely did write that. I agree with Attack that it’s the most disturbing thing about you and if I ever needed to blackmail you I would go for that. 
(Cut out letters from newspapers spelling “Una had cookies with her beer eww”…)
This reminds me of my first sergeant who was concerned about keeping up with his daughter back in The World. Daughter (with wife as accessory) sent him a Mystery Date board game. So after that, twice a week the NCOs would have to meet in his hooch for beer and Mystery Date.
Sorry for the hijack.
Link to article about Casey D.
Possible YouTube link to episode? All I get is a black box with “This video is not available in your country.”
Question to Una: You mentioned that psychological evaluation is important prior to starting hormones. How does that psychological support continue throughout and after the transitioning process?
It seems like the psychological aspects are as much or possibly even greater than the physiological issues that transgender persons must deal with.
Ah, yes, I found it on page two. Well…it is what it is. We were having some mint Christmas cookies with a holiday beer of some sort. Seemed to work alright.
My view is biased - I am put off a bit by transpeople who go public and then who jump back and forth over the line, because it gives the general public the impression that transsexuals are not serious. That it’s a game, we’re “trying this gender on for size”, etc. I know that Beatie thinks he’s a “gender warrior” like so many others, and I can respect genderqueer people even if I don’t really understand them as well. But I…and actually, every single transperson I’ve ever spoken to, female or male, sort of wishes he would never have been in the news. Like Chelsea Manning. :smack:
It varies greatly depending on three critical factors:
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How well is the patient’s gender identity being dealt with by themselves?
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How well has their family and support system dealt with their gender identity?
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How well has their full real-life transition gone in the real world?
Some women stay in counseling for years after transition. I know some who have been going for decades after full transition, because they’re struggling every single week - usually with family, or work. They meet in weekly or monthly support groups, and it’s clear many of the long-timers in counseling really have coincident deep psychological issues (agoraphobia, clinical depression, ODD, or worse.) Some of the long-timers are what are called “BOTs”, which is an acronym for “bitter old-timers” - people who resolved they would transition, but delayed it for one reason or another, almost all of which are actually due to fear and lack of confidence.
For me, it was rather simple. For item 1, being intersex and having come to a firm sense of what I really was decades ago meant I had no problem there. For item 2, my wife Fierra enthusiastically supported me 110%, and my family, while not overjoyed, supported me as well - much better than average (barring my sister, who wishes I was dead…but then, we were never close, so shurg). For item 3, I had stunning success at work and elsewhere, mainly because I pass so well but also because I had items 1 and 2 laid down solid. So about 1 month after my work transition, my therapist said, and I quote, “look kiddo, I don’t need to see you any more. I’m happy to talk if problems come up, but for the last few sessions you haven’t reported any real problems. In fact, I want you to join our team to volunteer to counsel and help others like you, who have it a lot worse.” And so I did.
Yesterday I helped counsel another transwoman who has been in therapy for five years, who threatened suicide about 1:30pm. However, I confess to being completely at odds with what to do. She had been making threats for 5 years now, and it’s gone beyond the “little transgirl who cried wolf” - she has lost most of her older friends over it, and the ones who remain are pretty harsh with her. Yesterday’s reason was she says she can’t take a divorce, and can’t take losing her kids, so she thinks suicide is a better answer than transition.
Well, what can I say, I’ve been to that point before…but only once. Almost every single transperson I know has been to that point…usually, once or twice. For her, it’s weekly, and to be blunt, it’s getting irritating to all of to the extreme. Her wife openly hates her, her pre-teen kids make fun of her to her face, her job will likely fire her as soon as she comes out and has already been after her about her earrings etc., her co-workers openly mock her, and her own family has disowned her. But I’m afraid to say if she keeps up the weekly urgent group text messages of “this is it!” followed by 1,000 words of suicide message and poetry, the community is going to shun her. 
I, and a handful of other people I know, call everyone “sir”-- we use it for both men and women, and don’t use “ma’am” at all. Would this kind of usage bother you and other transwomen?
I think anyone who watched that Family Guy episode would realize that it was ridiculous and unrealistic for the sake of comedy. But it is an extreme example of a problem seen in lots of different media: the imaginary thing called Having A Sex Change.
The media sends out a message that people randomly decide that they want to be the opposite sex, so they go to a hospital and Have a Sex Change, and everything is done overnight. Depending on the show you’re watching, the result is either perfect or completely unconvincing.
It’s very rare that the media acknowledges that it’s an incredibly long process, which involves a hell of a lot of psychological assessment and living in the role of your preferred gender before you’re allowed any treatment.
For reference, I first spoke to my doctor about my gender dysphoria 2.5 years ago. Since then, I have seen several different therapists and have been formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I’m currently on a six-month waiting list for an appointment at the gender identity clinic, who will require several appointments and evidence that I have lived as female for at least six months before they will consider prescribing hormones. I would have to live as female for at least two years before being eligible for any surgery.
The unfortunate thing is, most people don’t know anyone trans, so the only information they have, comes from the media. So the myth of Having a Sex Change is perpetuated.
There’s also a media obsession with the terms “pre-op” and “post-op”. These categories are completely made up. There is no requirement for a trans person to have genital reconstructive surgery in order to be legally recognized as their preferred gender*. Many choose not to have any surgery (particularly female-to-male people, because the surgery is still quite primitive and the results aren’t great). Unless you’re planning on having sex with a trans person, you have no need to know anything about their genitals.
- In the UK at least. I don’t know about the laws of other countries.
You call women “sir?” Is that a military thing or something like that? I asked a few cisgender women this after I read your post, and ALL of them thought it was very rude to be called “sir.” I don’t think the transgender aspect even enters into it.
But yeah, it would bother transwomen to the point where we would feel very insulted.
Unless it’s dictated by military regulation or something, why would you apply a male gendered identifier to women? I could at least understand a neutral one, but why male? Why didn’t you decide to call everyone “ma’am” instead?
Why do you have to wait 6 months? In Kansas City, you would be seen within 1-2 working days, sometimes we will get people in the same day for an initial appointment, even if we have to do it after hours.
Why aren’t your doctors following WPATH7 standards of care for hormone therapy? There is no requirement to live in your correct gender in WPATH7 for hormones. And only a single year for SRS.
Wow. I can’t believe cookies & beer is the thing that hijacked this thread. I can’t decide if I’m proud or ashamed.
Hm. That’s very interesting. If I were in that situation - terrified of being found out at the gym - I wouldn’t take any risks by talking to anyone who might inadvertently start questions to be asked. I’d be worried that even ‘how do you know that hot babe?’, might wind up unraveling things for me.
It can’t be an easy situation for her.
This GQ article on Fox Fallon and your thoughts in this thread have been very educational for me. Thanks again.
Just to put my two cents in, and because I accidentally unsubscribed to the message and can’t figure out how to resubscribe without posting, and although my sample size is woefully small in comparison to some of the people in this thread, all of the transgendered people I have known (that I know of…) have not only associated with transgendered people in public, they’re all romantically involved with them.
Click on ‘thread tools’ on the lower blue bar at the top of the page, then ‘subscribe to this thread’.
Una, so what’s the percentage of births who are afflicted by transgender … uh … births? (Afflicted isn’t perhaps the correct word, but I don’t know what is.)
I could go Googling around, but I assume this is something you have already researched.
My guess would be something like 1 in 10,000, or perhaps even 1 in 100,000.
What’s the straight dope?
Can a person who shifts their identification of specieis represent the people as a head of state?
Would there be some sort of agitated conflict, with what you deem to consider effective, and what others would call down right criminal?
I mean suicide is illegal? If a man can be prevented from terminating his life, why can we allow ourselves, to allow for, such alteration of life??
For people who are transgender “enough” such that they will be transsexual, and will alter their physical, legal, and social status to their new gender, the best numbers range from about 1 in 2,000 to 1 in 25,000 for transwoman, an 1 in 10,000 to 1 in 100,000 for transmen. The general “rule of thumb” used in the United States nowadays is about 1 in 5,000 for transwomen and 1 in 20,000 for transmen.
It has long been suspected that transmen number higher, but since they pass so well there are many more of them who are in deep stealth.
In terms of people who who have some gender identity disorder, numbers range from 1 in 200 to 1 in 1,000. I think in this case it will vary greatly on the definition used in the study. I’ve seen many claim 1 in 300, but I’m uncertain if that can be backed up.