And a 20 to 26-year-old dating a 37 to 42-year-old.
I’ve been thinking about starting this thread for years, because I’ve seen several threads started about relationships with age differences… but usually by the older man in the equation, and there isn’t all that much of the perspective of the younger woman. And opinions seem to be very divisive on the subject.
So anyway, I started dating my ex when I was 19, and we broke up just about as amicably as you can when I was 26 (about a year ago now). We are still friendly, though not talking much or spending time together at the moment.
Did you two have second thoughts about going from casual to serious, due to the age difference? Or any second thoughts at first, for that matter, for that reason?
Well, I did at least. We took it extremely slow and didn’t get serious until we’d been seeing each other for about a year (exclusively/frequently for maybe 4 months). I was REALLY freaked out when I found out how old he was… almost made me stop seeing him altogether because it was such a shock. We were friendly/friends before anything else, he lived in my apartment building, worked nearby, and we had a couple mutual friends - I always had had friends who were 5 or so years older than me - and we just never discussed it until one day we did. I thought he was maybe 27-30, a 10-year age difference seems like so much less of a big deal than 16 years - technically old enough to be my father. He still looks freakishly young for his age.
I’m not close with my parents and I was completely independent of them at that point, plus they had moved several states away the year before, so ‘no reaction’ is pretty accurate. My mom only met my ex a couple times, I don’t see her much. My dad is disabled and fairly home-bound so they never met. My mom seemed a little weirded out that he was so much older but we never really talked about it. ETA: He is only 9 years younger than my mom.
How do you define Daddy issues? I consider myself to be exceptionally emotionally stable, always have, and there is a total lack of drama in all of my relationships… so tentatively, no.
Mostly we broke up because a] we didn’t have compatible goals and desires for the future (basically: I want to have children, he does not), b] I changed a lot while we were together, as one does between 19 and 26, and we were no longer as compatible and many little things about the relationship were beginning to chafe on me (and on him) and c] I just fell out of love with him. Slowly, over a period of about a year and a half, and we talked it over and worked on things, but it wasn’t enough. I am glad we broke up (currently very happily dating someone else, who happens to be 6 years younger than I am oO).
Pretty normal reasons to break up, not any of them relating to our ages IMO.
Yes, 34 years. But the relationship is seriously fucked up. At age 16, having had very little relationship experience, there was a lot of stuff I just assumed was normal, and it’s taken me a long time to realize how not normal it is.
Unfortunately, the legal advice I’ve gotten so far really discouraging, given the length of the marriage and my status as sole wage earner.
Of course I know who Aretha Franklin is, but I’m not sure what you’re getting at…?
I was raised mostly without tv (but with lots of NPR!). Growing up I NEVER knew what the other kids were talking about re: tv, movies, music. With the internet I now have a lot of random pop-culture knowledge from multiple decades, and I am a fan of a lot of things (music, movies, tv) that are older than I am. The fact that he was born in 1968 and experienced a great deal before I was born never felt like it created any distance between us. It was very interesting to hear his perspective and memories, as part of a different generation. Also, he kept in touch with what was going on in Millennium, haha. He’s a sharp guy and likes to know what is happening in the world.
I had more in common with him interests-wise than I do with most of my peers - one thing we both loved were Hollywood films from the 30s - 60s. We spent a lot of time watching TCM together
That is crappy. I remember your threads about your marriage, now.
One thing I am incredibly thankful for is the fact that I did not date at all until I was 19. I had a short fling with someone from work before getting together with my ex, who was my first serious relationship (maybe should have mentioned that in my OP), which is undoubtedly why I stayed with him so long. The issues that ended up ending things were fairly long-standing, I just kept hoping we’d be able to make things work because I was so attached. First love and all that.
If he had been interested in marrying me and having babies, I am sure we would still be together. In hindsight, it’s good that did not happen, although we might have had some degree of happiness together. But the relationship I am in now has definitely been better all-around from the beginning.
A 40-year-old good friend of mine expressed romantic interest in me when I was 27 (so just barely passing the half-your-age-plus-seven rule, I suppose.) I was a little freaked out by it, because a) I didn’t feel romantic feelings towards him, and b) I think also I saw him more as a father figure than as a lover.
We’re not as close friends with each other anymore, but do keep in touch.
But, as the OP and others have proved, you can be romantically involved with a much older/much younger person.
Met Mr. S when I was almost 21 and he was 32. I guess we barely passed the half-plus-seven test. Got married 2 years later. That was 22 years ago. Still in it for the long haul. He was my first boyfriend. I supposed there’s something messed up about that, but it seems to be working out so far.
I moved into the same apartment building as him, and he knew some people I knew, so I got formally introduced at some point.
He is extremely smart, has an immense amount of knowledge, is funny and tells a great story, is eccentric in interesting ways, and is a very kind and caring person (to a fault; people take advantage of him).* Also he is very close to his family, who are wonderful people who really accepted me, and as someone who is not at all close with her family this was a great thing for me and part of what kept me in the relationship for so long. He’s also a fairly good-looking guy, and looks younger than he is.
He also has plenty of issues and flaws of course.
*my current boyfriend shares basically all the same traits. He’s just roughly in my peer group, a better communicator, better at handling life, and we are better matched in some important things. I’m pretty consistent in being attracted to kind, interesting men who are smarter than me and know lots of stuff. If I can get all that in someone I also want to have sex with, age is the last thing I’m worried about!
My dad sustained severe brain damage when I was 15 and has never again been functional, and I’ve been pretty much estranged from my family since I was 18 and received no support of any kind from them. So it might be fair to say I have ‘daddy issues’. And there is certainly plenty of security, when you are 19, supporting yourself, and have almost no contact with family - in dating someone who is an established adult.
But honestly I don’t feel my ex was ever a father figure for me. We helped each other out with many things during the course of our relationship, but if anything, I felt that he was dependent on me in an unhealthy way, rather than vice versa, and I was unhappy under that pressure. I need someone stronger, who I feel can give me an amount of support equal to what I can offer - and I’ve found that now.
Ok, but the men who would meet that criteria must fall into certain age ranges wouldn’t they? How likely are you to want to have sex with a 'kind, interesting man who is smarter than you, knows a lot of stuff and is 55?
