A Kwyjibo is a big, dumb, balding North American ape. With no chin and a short temper. (And worth 152 points…depending on where you place your tiles.)
(See here)
I, Mnementh, have a drinking problem.
If Bob has eight-nine beers and Ted has ninety-two beers and for every thirteen beers that bob drinks, Ted drinks nineteen, how many barstools will be destroyed in the ensuing fight over the hot chick sitting at the bar in the pink halter?
If Bob and Ted are friend of yours, then I’d say all of them. You and your friends stand no chance with hot chicks. (You are single, right? I rest my case.)
Pfffttt!!!
It has come to my attention that Mnementh is not single. For shame! He and his friends fighting over the hot chick!
Dear Kwyjibo:
What should I say / do to my sister when she comes back on Dec. 17 for the Christmas holidays?
Flami
So, Monster, can I assume that you’d vote for Calvin & Hobbes here?
More fattening: a pound of hummous or a pound of Whoppers?
Happy
You should say, “Welcome home!” What you do to her is your business.
Tough call…I have never eaten either.
Well…that’s a lie. I ate a Whopper once and I threw it back up…so I’d have to say the Whopper. (Can’t be fattening if it doesn’t stay down, can it?)
(Argh…2 am…need sleep!)
Dear Kwyjibo,
The Straight Dope can be rearranged to spell trot at high speed, as well as hot shattered pig. Coincidence?
It can also be made to spell “Do Pretest A Thigh” and “Shaped To The Girt”, so I don’t think so.
(Not to mention “Goeth, Tit Shepard”.)
What ever became of my Weejuns and my saddle oxfords?
Dear Kwyjibo,
After helping out at a catering function, and after I took off the rubber gloves, I noticed that there was a white powdery substance on my hands. What is this, what is this for and why does it make my hands feel all yucky?
Dear Kwyjibo;
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? A purportedly wise owl claims it only takes three, but I’m not buying it! Enlighten me, Oh Wise One.
Dear Kwyjibo:
Hypothetically speaking … what should I do … I mean what should a person do, if they’ve accidentally, through no fault of their own, without planning it ahead of time, gotten one of those vibrating pagers stuck in their rectums.
Hurry up a little on this one, would ya?
They are behind your couch. (Be more careful next time, huh?)
Are they like surgical gloves? If so, then it is probably a type of cornstarch powder. It’s there to stop the inside of the glove from sticking together and it makes the glove easier to put on.
My recommendation is to not snort it.
The owl lied my friend. You can sleep easy.
As you can rightfully imagine, there has been testing on this conundrum. Some with at lease a hint of applied science and some that are not so scientific.
According to the first source, the average amount of licks is 599.
But answer me this, do people actually sit there and lick these things? Why not just pop them in their mouth? It would be a little more dignified, no?
Not to worry, this to shall pass. 
Dear Kwijibo,
What happened to the Snowdens of our yesterdays?