I have one word for all the people who responded with these methods of dealing with a woman who has acted inappropriately:
LNO - "Apologize in a matter befitting your horrendous crime. Flowers, dinner, whatever your usual method of apology is <snip>And then get used to it<snip>And then tell yourself, “Only about fifty more years until I die.”
UncleBill - “I am SO glad this isn’t just an American woman thing. Now that it is known to be universally connected to the XX chromosome pair, I can stop hoping it goes away and just accept the inevitablity of it.<snip>”
NPavelka - “<snip>Good luck AstroBoy… it may save you some time and money to buy a bullet now.”
FallenAngel - “To paraphrase Mr. Heinlein (Master of Damn Near Everything): If you have an argument with your woman and it turns out you were right, apologize immediately.<snip>”
dropzone - “<snip>Lesson: Give up. They make no sense whatsoever.”
BULLSHIT!! Grown women are responsible for their own actions. She acted inappropriately in this instance; do not extrapolate from this incident that all women, all the time, act so horribly that you must kill yourself or live in a nightmare for the next 50 years before you can get away from the fiends. Please give women the dignity of assuming that we are human beings who act in as many different ways as men, and DO NOT LIKE being lumped together as crazy, manipulative, vindictive, psychotic, unreasonable, self-deluded and useless. Thank you.
Yup. That’s it. She committed herself to being angry and nothing you said was going to stop her from being angry.
My advice is to just go on with your business and wait for her to apologize. Don’t apolgize and certainly don’t buy gifts just because you want to smooth things over between the two of you. She was wrong and she should apologize.
I wouldn’t apologise if I were you. Maybe you could say you’re sorry she got upset (merely implying that you regret the incident), but don’t say that you’re sorry for anything (you could even explicitly say that there’s no way you’d be sorry for going to the movies)
Make it clear that you did tell here where you were (like you’ve already done) and make sure she knows for the future that you always switch your phone off in the movie theatre. I’d imagine she’ll apologise pretty much straight away, and she’ll be able to treat the whole thing as a learning experience.
I’d be happy not to lump all women together, but every woman I have ever known (romantically and otherwise) has fallen into this catiagory… Do you wana know something, you are in the minority, nearly all of these women friends have admited that they are crazy!!! As for manipulative, vindictive, psychotic, unreasonable, self-deluded and useless… that I take on a case by case basis. But crazy… well that is one generilization I have no hesitation to make.
Wow. Well, just because we’re incomprehensible to you doesn’t mean that we’re “manipulative, vindictive, psychotic, unreasonable, self-deluded and useless.” We’re human, doncha remember. Are all men honest, forgiving, sane, reasonable, clear, and helpful?
In Astroboy’s case, I’m sure she was just worried about him, especially when she couldn’t reach him on the cell phone. So she forgot he was going to see Pearl Harbor. She’s not perfect. I think she should apologize, but that’s just my American opinion. Heck, Astroboy likes her enough to want to marry her. She can’t be all evil.
Ok. I’ll admit that while I havent done what astrogirl did, I’m sure I’ve done something as unreasonable to my boy. Usually it’s an emotional reaction to a hormonal thingie. Sure I am still responsible for my actions. . .but sometimes. . .my emotions just run hawg wild. The best thing I can do is realize it for what it is - crazy hormones - and separate myself from those with whom I wish to continue having a relationship. I dont know if this is Astrogirl’s problem, but I’ll admit it is mine. Usually I end up apologizing, in the end.
Why should he apologize when he did nothing wrong? I’m a married guy and if my wife got mad at me for no good reason I wouldn’t go out of my way to make it up to her. In Astro’s position I might say “I’m sorry I didn’t make myself more clear” but it isn’t fair for him to bear the burden of blame in this case.
That’s because nearly all women have been raised to think that it is feminine and endearing to say you are crazy, that your emotions often overwhelm you, with the unstated assumption that this means you need a good stable man to protect you.
Really?! I’ll have to talk to my mom about raising me to think that. And here I thought that I went crazy every once in awhile because my hormones got out of whack. Little did I know it was because I secretly desired some man to take care of me.
I guess it’s not just Cecil Adams who knows everything.
OK, She forgot, ergo she got worried. What’s wrong with that??? So her reaction upon finding you’re alive was through anger, undoubtedly relieved anger. She cares!
I admit to being like that. Getting worried when bf doesn’t pick up phone/mobile cause he slept early then left his mobile at home to recharge next day as I left mine on redial to purposely drain his battery…
FTR, I did say sorry. However it was a “sorry you were worried.” NOT a “sorry, I screwed up!”
Astrogirl and I have this kinda thing more or less worked out… when we were first dating, she got mad at me for something minor, and we had this conversation:
AG: I’m mad at you!
Me: OK.
AG: What do you mean “OK”?
Me: I mean OK… you’re mad at me… you’ll get over it! Or you won’t, in which case we’re better off knowing about that now…
AG: (after a pause of a minute or so) Oh! You’re right!
I may have girly moments but NEVER like this.
I’m not supporting all the female bashing by the male Dopers but geez…
Just say what’s on your damn minds,girls! Don’t be passive-agressive, just say what you think!
And for those women who think a man’s there for manual labor/general maintence…
Grow up and learn how to do things for yourself.
[sub] Maybe this is why I’m still single…but so far no complaints from SP…[/sub]
I’ve been doing an awful lot for my wife since we met in 1986, but, her being human, sometimes it seems to her like it isn’t enough; and, me being human, other times it actually isn’t enough.
When it’s the latter situation I just eat shit for a while until I’ve made it up to her. When it’s the former I just stand my ground and let her know she can go to Hell.
Yes, I know I should go into full “please, let’s talk it out, we can work through this misunderstanding, honey” mode. But she doesn’t want to “talk it out.” She wants to be pissed-off at her husband, a woman’s right no less fundamental than clitoral stimulation.
I may put a peace offering in the form of something nice in the refrigerator waiting for her when she comes home from work; but that’s just a slight upgrade in my usual grocery shopping. But flowers and jewelry? Relationships are based on trust, not flowers and jewelry.
Gifts of flowers and jewelry when you know in your own heart that you did not violate that trust gives the wrong message. It makes you look like the puppy dog who can’t understand why the puppy-love can’t go on 24/7/365 'till death do you part, and at all costs to your own integrity to boot. Better she should be pissed-off at you now and then than think you’re a wimp all the time.
(BTW Astro, my wife is from Korea too, if that offers any currency of commisseration. For all I know, I’d have to come up with an entierly different plan if I’d maried a Southerner or Hungarian, but I didn’t and I’ve had 15 years to learn what works: she’d love to wake up to a love poem pinned to her pillow, but what she realy wants is the godamn dishwasher to be fixed, and NOW).
Aha! I’ve got something that may help: next time she’s giving you grief, sigh and say, “Pul-song-hey Slithy!” (that’s “Poor, poor, pitiful Slithy” in Korean). That ought get a laugh out of her!
Or you could go the other route: “Mi-chin Han-gook Yon!” (“Crazy Korean bitch!”)… I don’t reccomend this, however!
Sometimes it might be best to just hide beneath the bed and throw kim-chi and chocolate at her…
('Cause, you know, gay men never act emotionally or irrationally or treat their partners like that. No. Nope. Never. Uh-uh. Nada. SHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! AS IF!)
Look at it this way… At least you still have a cel phone that wasn’t ripped out of your hand by an angry barbarian and smashed into miniscule pieces because it went off during the film
