I was going to ask snarkily if you’d been to either one, but… oh, yeah, continuum buggy.
Not EVERY thread is an Rhymer Enterprises thread, you know. This one didn’t have a single murder.
Having recently had the opportunity to see a funeral turn into an epic shitstorm because the deceaseds brother felt the need to inform everyone the deceased died because of her decades long drug abuse and overdose on prescription pain killers and muscle relaxers mixed with alcohol, not because of an “unanticipated medication reaction” as was the official line. As far as I know they want nothing do do with him anymore. He was honest, and accurate, the woman had overdosed on 3 previous occasions requiring emergency medical assistance. Her teenage children had seen her resuscitated on the living room floor about 3 months prior due to the same combination of pills and booze.
She cannot lie. Cannot lie. Cannot lie. I suppose she could explain how he had saved her when the rest of the family abandoned her, but that would displease them too. If it were me, I would refuse to participate. Fucking hypocrites.
I have a personal experience. My brother died of a brain tumor a bit over 15 years ago. He was, like me, a Jewish atheist. I know because we discussed this. His wife did not know this because he refused to discuss religion with her. (I will say I could not have lived that way.) Anyway, she was a devout Catholic. He didn’t really have a funeral (cremated, presumably at his request). But there was a memorial service and she said she saw an angel the night he died. I think she was claiming a deathbed conversion. I was appalled. But I said nothing. To be honest, I didn’t like the lady. Ever.
+1
The funeral is for those who are grieving. No need to eulogy to be either dishonest or in-your-face. The brother’s goodness was independent from his religious beliefs, so talk about what a good guy he was and leave those out of it.
Is it just me or could this be a Dope Film Productions feature film?
It could be a chick flick movie or a black (Death at a Funeral) comedy…
She should tell the truth.
Snap, exactly what I was going to say, you just wrote it for me.
Thanks, the cheque’s in the mail.
Again, though, that’s where it stops being a eulogy. The dilemma is not “talk shit about the dead or not.” It’s “tell the truth about what you loved about the dead or not.”
And I actually did have a very vaguely similar experience at my grandfather’s funeral. His side of the family had a (probably apocryphal) Native American ancestry, variously described as Cherokee or Choctaw or Chickasaw. My granddad was interested in this family history in a very 1950s way: took up archery and bowfishing, took my mom and siblings to the town of Cherokee, etc. His own siblings were kind of horrified by it in a 1950s way, since this was before it was hip for white folks to have (or anyway admit to) not being purebloods. They believed their surname was an Americanization of the name of a Swedish king from whom they were descended.
Anyway, at his funeral, there was a minor scandal because the preacher got up and talked about my granddad’s love for his Native American heritage, and how that informed his treatment of people no matter their color or creed. There was genuine shock and quiet outrage among the more racist relatives.
To which I say: fine! Represent the man as he truly was (without being a dick to his memory, of course–this would not have been the time to launch into a screed about cultural appropriation, even if that’s what it was). If someone is too head-up-their-ass to appreciate that the departed saw things differently from them, that’s their problem, and worrying about fluttery they’ll get over it is not necessary.
I say if the deceased didn’t inform his family before he died, then it wouldn’t be my place to tell them. If he did tell them, and they still choose to ignore it, what good is bringing it up now?
We ran into a version of this when my Dad died. Not the conversion thing, but that we were having him cremated. Because there are a lot of people at my Mom’s church that are vehemently against it, we had to arrange to have him brought in a coffin to the church rather than having the cremation done and bringing the urn. It’s amazing what people will go through, even at a funeral, to keep other people happy.
Yeah, I’m gonna change my answer. Even if she is going back to NYC, there’s really no call for Amber to give the finger to her parents, just because she resents some pressure that her siblings may have put on her.
She should speak about what a good man he was, about how he saved her life, and about how she’s going to miss him. Best if she leaves out any references to religion.
That gets my vote. Funerals are primarily for the living, as others have said, and there’s no need for Amber to totally piss off the majority of her family. However, she ought to at least mention in passing that she knew him to be an atheist and that she never heard him deviate from those views before his death. This way she will not, by her silence, seem to endorse the lies and untruths uttered by others as to his views; but she need not dwell on them.
Incidentally, according to Jon Krakauer in Where Men Win Glory, Pat Tillman got a very religious, very Christian Army-sponsored memorial service over the objections of his family, who knew him to be an atheist.
Yes, the dead person had died many months, almost a year before the funeral, had been cremated & put in a jar on a mantle.
There was another funeral over 1000 miles away at about the same time which many people attended.
And I attended a wake for a person who had not died yet.
You don’t need to talk about belief or non-belief to eulogize a loved one.
Sing the praises of Mitch, not atheism.
- No one is talking about singing the praises of atheism-just mentioning where it influenced his life positively.
- Can you not see the incredible hypocrisy in your statement? Where is your admonishment towards the family for making this about religion and not about Mitch?
No I don’t see hypocrisy in my statement, maybe you can kindly point it out for me.
I just did in the followup statement.
I’m another that doesn’t see the need for this choice at all, she could easily have written a heartfelt eulogy that simply didn’t touch upon religion at all, there is no need to upset anybody. Speak about how much Mitch helped her and how much he meant to everybody, what the fuck does religion have to do with that?
Sounds like its more for her own benefit than for Mitch, she just wants to take out her own anger and grief on the rest of the family and the atheism thing is just an excuse. Considering the grief she has caused her family in the past it would appear she hasn’t changed very much.
Also, the zany :rolleyes: poll is fucking retarded.