The worst song ever, in the entire time-space continuum is MacArthur Park in any of its incantations or cover versions.
Too fucking bad someone left your cake out in the rain, just for thinking of singing that song you should have your vocal cords ripped from your throat and left in the rain.
Billdo, doublecheck Persephone’s post (the second one in the thread). She listed the…thing…you mention, thus freeing the rest of us from reliving the hideous memory long enough to post the title.
::valient attempt to control temper::
Look, you can say what you want about our 65-cent dollar you can say what you want about our nuanced use of the word “eh”; you can say what you want about us “going oot and aboot” . . .
::temper lost, screaming at top of lungs::
BUT FREAKIN’ LAY OFF GORDON LIGHTFOOT! HE’S A GENIUS, EH?
::composure regained::
But just to show you that my Canadian chauvanism doesn’t colour all our opinions, we’re real, real, real embarrassed about Terry Jacks. And Loverboy. And Celine Dion. 
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Spoons *
**
[quote
I think you’re thinking of Bruce Wooley and the Camera Club’s version. It was out at the same time as the Buggles’ version.
I’m not sure exactly, but I think Bruce Wooley’s version was intended for the UK while the Buggles’ was intended for North America. (Or vice versa.) Anyway, somehow the two versions ended up being heard in both places.
**[/QUOTE]
Thanks for the info! Did a bit more digging and it looks like Trevor Horn, Geoff Downes, and Bruce Wooley were all part of the Camera Club. Horn and Downes left to form the Buggles and for some reason, both groups did a version of VKTRS. I couldn’t find anything about the UK vs. NA target markets, but that certainly makes sense.
And Spoons, I love “Tempted by the Fruit of Another”! 
I must third this. Also, “Islands in the Stream.”
What about If by Bread?
Hearing a song or two by The Carpenters such as We’ve Only Just Begun or Sing would completely ruin my day.
On a more contemporary note Lenny Kravitz’s American Woman redux is pretty disgusting.
Just last night I was talking with a friend of mine about the list of Top Five All-Time Pop/Rock Songs that Disocvering a Friend of Yours Seriously Enjoyed Would Necessitate the Immediate Losing of Thier Phone Number
My 5
and the #1 “I’m sorry. We can’t be friends anymore because your musical sensibility sucks a huge store of creative life out of the greater universe”:
Well, heck, Fallen Angel, I’m glad we never met 'cause you woulda dumped my number like a hot brick. I happen to like three of your five songs!
“Bennie and the Jets”: Yea, it’s annoying cause it had been played a gazillion times, but I grew up on the double album it came from, and “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” and the follow-up “Captain Fantastic” were IMHO the best he’s ever done.
Of course (getting back on topic), he did do “Blue Eyes” (“Blue Eyes / baby’s got … … … (long soulful pause here) … … blue eyes”). Man, that song still would make me do an Oedipus to my blue eyes!
And Neil Young … all right, he’s an acquired taste. Like Dylan, you just won’t know what you’re going to get next.
As for the Partridge Family, all right, cook 'em all over a slow fire, but “Voice From the Beehive” (girl-group out of Boston) did a killer version of “I Think I Love You.” From a female perspective, the song actually made a lot more sense.
Speaking of death songs, add these to the list:
Anything by Manilow, especially “At the Copa,” the most swingingist, bounciest tune about murder and insanity I’ve ever heard. Speaking as someone who likes things like Lovecraft (“Reanimator”) and South Park and Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy and Dave Barry at his most infantile, who yawns at Mapplethorp’s excesses, who thought “Trainspotting” was kind of kicky, I was shocked. Shocked! SHOCKED!
Maybe I need to get out more . . .
Michael Murphy (?), "On the Wings of LOOOOVE / Under the moon and stars / Together flying HIIIGGGGHHHHHH (extreme warbling here as if the little punching ball at the back of the throat shot out and wrapped itself around the microphone). Very, very annoying.
Then there’s anything by that long-haired pretty boy whose name I can’t remember. You know him, the one who got sued by a Motown artist for plagiarism. I must have succeeded in getting him flushed from my memory banks. Thank god.
pesch
Amazingly, no one (myself included) mentioned “It’s a small world after all”. It is so hideously bad, that it could be used as a torture device to extract enemy secrets…
Also, has anyone ever heard “Cat scratch fever” by, of all people, Pat Boone? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!!!
Thank you! I agree. I was specifically thinking of Richard Harris’ version, but this song is just plain moronic.
Also:
I’ve Never Been To Me by Charlene
Brand New Key by Melanie (who desperately needs to find a key before singing about one)
And, my all time anti-favorite…
Mr. Tamborine Man by William Shatner.
One of my most horrifying early childhood memories was being forced to sing both “Top of the World” and “Sing” as part of a first-grade pageant in 1976 or thereabouts. It was worse than the time I saw a kid get run over by a van.
However, to truly probe the depths of the Carpenters’ oeuvre, one must consider “Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft”. It’s bad, bad, bad, and long, long, long. Makes you wish the interplanetary craft would come and take all the copies of this song to a galaxy far, far away.
Any of you ever sing in school? Among my list of tunes I never, ever want to have to warble again:
[ul]
[li]“All Things Bright And Beautiful” No they weren’t. They were horribly perky, fluffy, and the whole mess NEVER ENDED![/li][li]“I Vow To Thee My Country” (the Brits may recognise these two). Tally ho the British Empire. ugh[/li][li](No disrespect meant here, but I’ve certainly sung “The Battle Hymn Of The Republic” often enough. And I’m not even American, so there was no excuse for the music teachers, either.[/li][li]And yes, we used to have to sing “Copacabana”. A lot. I do like Manilow a tad, but not that much.[/li][/ul]
I voluntarily subjected myself to this song for fourteen minutes at a time. Masochistic? No. That’s how long the ride lasts at Disneyland. The wife and kids and I would do it 2 or 3 times a day just to get away from the sun.
In Alaska, 75°F on a summer day is hot. 100°+ at Disneyland is downright disabling.
I regret to say that my wife likes Barry Manilow, but as a result I happen to know that even HE hates Copacabana. It was supposed to be a throwaway novelty track on the album, and ended up being his biggest hit. And now he has to sing it at EVERY FRICKIN’ CONCERT because the fans love it. Ample punishment, I say.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by SilkyThreat *
I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston. It makes me want to rip my ears off of my head. I thought only dogs should be able to hear that screaming maniac.
Silky, that’s the first song that came to my mind! That screetching “AND IIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU…” makes me sick.
Others include:
Greased Lightnin’ from John Travolta.
The Shoop Shoop Song (It’s In His Kiss) by Cher. (all those intricate tempo changes and in a 50’s sound alike song…whateva)
The Girl is Mine - Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson (I’m a lover not a fighter…).
Rock & Roll is King by ELO. (not a bad group overall but the wamma lamma damma jamma thing hurts).
You Light up my Life - Debbie Boone (another vote).
and That semi-rap bad attitude song from the movie with Michelle Pfieffer.
Can’t believe that both NothingMan or Spoons as fellow radio people were so gentle. Having worked off and on in the biz since -ahem- 1966, I can say that most of us have a HUGE load of stuff that we’ve been forced to play by evil Program Directors. Among the songs that result in Instant Station Switch Syndrome:
Honey by Bobby Goldsboro, a load of treacle about his twee late wife. Oh, yeah, and **Watching Scotty Grow **, more treacle about his kid.
The aforementioned Ben, an ode to a rat and Timothy your basic cannibalism-in-a-mineshaft song.
The Ballad of the Green Berets by SSgt Barry Sadler, a #1 hit in 1966 for chrissake. “The brave men (tiddly pom) of the Green Berets”
Pretty much the entire Bubble Gum ouevre, including **Yummy, Yummy, Yummy ** and **Chewy, Chewy ** by Ohio Express, Simon Says, Indian Giver and **1,2,3 Red Light ** by the 1910 Fruitgum Company, etc.
Elusive Butterfly by Bob Lind. “Across my dreams, with nets of wonder, I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love.”
Speaking of butterflies, how about the recent gack-fest **Butterfly Kisses **? :shudders::
** Horse with No Name ** “For there ain’t no one for to give you no pain”? GIVE ME A BREAK HERE. Or, as one comedian put it. “Hey, take five minutes and NAME THE HORSE!”
Speaking of names, the deservedly obscure Dammit Isn’t God’s Last Name which peaked at #86 in 1969 for Frankie Laine (who had much, much better material earlier in his career.)
Worst Song Title (hey, there’s a thread idea!) could be Crunchy Granola Suite by Neil Diamond
And the [non]-hits just keep on comin…
Hometownboy
Celine Dion songs are at the top of my hate list, especially that dirge which accompanied a certain movie about a short-lived ship…
Country music also stars when it comes to mediocrity. Remember this old joke?
Q. What happens when you play a country record backwards?
A. You get your house back, you get your horse back, you get your woman back…
Hustler Magazine published an excellent cartoon in regard to the above. Picture a man sitting in an armchair, with his brains splattered on the wall behind him, and the shotgun in his lap. Two cops are inspecting the scene. One cop is looking at a radio and says, “It must be sucide, this thing’s tuned to a country music station.”
I am about to tell you all something that will probably make you all run away screaming or send me a plane ticket.
Most of the songs you guys have listed, my husband downloaded!
To get to my music I have to weed around his crap and fast, least I even hear the first few notes of some of his music.
That’s okay, cause I got him back by downloading Informer by snow, Don’t Worry Be happy, and Safety Dance!
Wow, our on unique way to tourcher each other. Like married couples don’t have enough things that they do to bother each other.
And BTW it was Willie Nelson and Julio who sang that song.
William Shatner songs!!
they are so bad they’re hilarious…
lucy in the sky with diamonds… 
A song that got way too much airplay a few years ago:
I Love You Always Forever by Donna Lewis.
Bad. Just evile. And being a sappy love song, it was played every 6 minutes during its (thankfully brief) popularity.