Inspired by this thread: One-hit wonders that don’t deserve to be. I mistakenly thought this was going to be about terrible songs that never deserved to be hits, one-off or not.
So that’s what this thread is.
My nominations:
• I’ve Never Been to Me. Surely one of the most awful songs ever written. It makes no sense. It sounds terrible. I defy you to name ONE thing that “a woman ain’t 'spose to see.”
• Loving You by Minnie Ripperton. This has to be one of the most saccharine-sweet, disagreeable songs ever recorded. Watch this video. I dare you.
• Achy, Breaky Heart, Sir Billy Ray Cyrus. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but being from Kentucky I was at Billy Ray Ground Zero in 1993. There was nowhere to run. People were wearing T-shirts. They were working “achy breaky heart” into conversations. They were talking about growing up with Billy Ray in Flatwoods. I’m still not over it.
• You Light Up My Life, Debby Boone. For those of us alive in 1977, this song is now vomit-inducing. I was 14 years old and couldn’t go for 10 minutes without the radio on, and heard this song approximately twice an hour for a year solid. It might be an objectively fine song, but I have to include it on my list because it makes me seek a root canal for the sheer relief it would bring from listening to this song.
Don’t get me wrong, though. There are some terrible songs that I love. Billy Don’t Be a Hero, Run Joey Run, Tub-Thumping, Rocky (“Rocky, I’ve never been in love before/Don’t know if I can do it…” Yeah buddy!). All these are fine.
The above list, though? They are just utterly terrible. Not good-terrible in the slightest. What are yours?
Afternoon Delight, a treacly song about the joys of midday sex, which, inexplicably, was a #1 hit in 1976, and led to the Starland Vocal Band actually getting a variety show on CBS.
“The Gambler” by Kenny Rodgers (and just about everything else he wrote). “The Gambler” stands out because the “advice” is meaningless and the message is pure unadulterated clinical depression (“The best you can do is die in your sleep”!!! That’s not even a low bar; it’s a ditch :smack:). What’s worse is that people think it’s inspiring.:eek:
“In the Year 2525” has stupid, obvious rhymes and a vision of the future which is so disconnected from reality it’s pointless to think about. The only relevant part in the whole thing is a brief “green” message; the rest is just curmudgeonly chuntering about stuff the songwriters didn’t understand and therefore considered terrible. (Like… what do they really have against IVF?) It isn’t even very musically interesting. The only amusing thing about it is that it’s on the 2001 Clear Channel memorandum (songs Clear Channel asked its stations to not play after 9/11) for some incomprehensible reason, and that thing has some real gems: “Great Balls of Fire” by Jerry Lee Lewis, or “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye” by Steam, anyone?
Kenny didn’t write that, or any song I know of. It was written by Don Schlitz, who became the go to nashville country songwriter after that. Yeah it was stupid, but that was endemic to the industry. This is the reason I can’t listen to contemporary country music except out of curiosity.
Worst of all were her high notes, which reverberated off your fillings, cracked plaster and caused every dog in earshot to howl in distress.
You could cite almost any disco song as being in the undeserved/terrible category (the Hues Corporation’s “Rock The Boat” sticks in my mind as a harbinger of years of disco awfulness).*
*I excuse K.C. and the Sunshine Band from this category, as I perversely liked a few of their songs.
Wait a minute. According to South Park it was John Stamos’s little brother who couldn’t hit the high note in that song.
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“And When I Die” by Blood, Sweat and Tears. With that chugachug harp it just reminds me of some after school special.
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Back in mmpphh grade, at one of those crap show you have to do every couple months for your parents, They had us go up on stage and sign that horrible song as it blared over the shitty grade school PA system.
Minnie Ripperton reportedly had a five-octave range. She couldn’t only hit those high notes – she could sing in them, too.
I think you judge Maya Rudolph’s mom too harshly. This is, sadly, the one song we know her by (go ahead – name anything else by her without looking it up), and it’s one made for her kids – Maya and later, her brother. That it’s treacly isn’t surprising (and, I have to admit, it annoyed the hell out of me when it was new, and always seemed to be on the radio). But it’s probably not typical and indicative of her oeuvre.
Really? I always thought it was funny (as in, I chuckled and though it was intentional) because the gambler got the narrarator’s whiskey, cigarettes, and even got a light from him. That’s a guy that doesn’t pay for anything.
