By the incomparable David Geddes–who didn’t even have the decency to be a “one horror wonder”. His follow-up was “The Last Game (A Blind Man in the Bleachers)” which was even worse – "The coach asked him to tell what was it he was thinkin’ of that made him play so well “You knew my dad was blind,” he said “Tonight he passed away” “It’s the first time that my father’s seen me play”
No one’s mentioned Sheryl Crow’s cover of Sweet Child Of Mine. That’s definitely gotta be one of the worst songs ever. That and the cover of Born To Be Wild used in the jeep commercials this year.
Covers are such a bad idea…
Hear, hear! The things in that songs aren’t ironic – they are just things that would really suck…
How about:
“I’ve Got my Mind Set On You” - George Harrison
Obviously he wasn’t the lyric-writing talent for the Beatles. Did he come up with this song while sitting on the toilet one day?
“Every Rose Has Its Thorns” - Poison
and the recycled version of the exact same song! (Guess they couldn’t think up any new music that day).
“Something to Believe In” - Poison
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by SilkyThreat *
**
by far, the worst song, the one that leaves me twitching on the floor in convulsions when i hear it on the radio (even when i’m the one driving) is “one winged dove.” i don’t know what this song is about, nor do i care. all i know is it’s a song for cocaine addicts, of which stevie nicks was one, and therefore i cannot relate to it on any level. worse than that, i feel as if i am glimpsing stevie nicks’ world when i hear that driving guitar line and incomprehensible refrain. and you know what? i don’t like stevie nicks’ world. her nose almost fell apart from all the s**t she snorted in the 70s. (i heard this on behind the music, so i know it’s true.)i have no desire to visit this place, and if anyone likes this song, i feel deeply sorry for you. keep it a secret so that you’re not hospitalized for addiction.
so number two would have to be “the continuing story of buffalo bill.” why? why lennon? why mccartney? why spoil your perfect album with your absolute worst song? worse, even, than those harrison experimental sitar hari krishna “works” from revolver and sgt. peppers is this epic about…a hunter? a hunter. in the middle of all these works of genius. a song–the worst beatles’ song ever–about a friggin hunter.
and i would be inept if i did not mention “eminence front.” i’m sorry, pete. i know you were upset about keith, but for christ sake, call it quits. let it go.
and what’s up with “the summer of '69?” or for that matter, anything brian adams has ever done? they all begin tolerable, and then one day you realize: “i have heard this song every single day of my life for the past five years. every day, no matter where i am, i hear this song.” with this realization, you run to the nearest open window, and just hope to god you’re not on the first floor. at least, this is the effect brian adams has on me.
and, for all you radio employees…
i understand “playlists” and whatnot, but for the love of god. discuss with the station director or whatever needs to be done to STOP PLAYING PINK FLOYD’S THE WALL!!! YOU ARE RUINING THE ALBUM BY CONSTANTLY PLAYING “COMFORTABLY NUMB” AND “HEY YOU” AND “ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL”!!! honestly, i used to like this album. no more. if i even hear the beginning strains of “mother,” i want to bash my head against a wall until no feeling remains–until i become, in fact, “comfortably numb.” or experience “brain damage.”
thank you for this post. i needed this.
My personal worst was from 1978, “Hold the Line” by Toto. It was overplayed on the radio to the point where I would claw my flesh from my bones with my own fingernails every time it came on. It sucked, and the singer didn’t even know how to sing. Stupid song. The worst moment was when my sister picked me up at the airport and I was in a psychedelic LSD trip, and it came on the radio and I said “Away with that stupid song,” and she cranked it all the way, saying “Listen to it, Jomo!” One day I will have my revenge, Sis.
Brother Rat (Ben?), there was recently a thread on The Worst Beatles Song and “Run for Your Life” was a top nominee. A truly evil song. Sally, “Bungalow Bill” was meant to be a satire on how stupid big game hunters are, especially ones that go to India pretending to be all spiritual learning Maharishi meditation. There was a guy there mediating with the Beatles who actually went out tiger hunting so they satirized him.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by NothingMan *
**what ??! who pays you to suck so bad ?
A dirty ol’ John on Hollywood and Vine would…
Here’re mine:
“Macarena” by ANYBODY
“La Bamba” by ANYBODY
“Livin La Vida Loca” By (Ooooh) Ricky (“Suck me, beautiful!”)
“Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen: In the movie, it was funny. Having your friends recreate the scene ONCE, is mildly amusing. having the radio play it constantly every day for the next ten years…is sick.
“Shiny Happy People” REM… oh GOD… please allow me to place my tongue on German Shepherd vomit to get rid of the taste in my mouth.
“Summer Nights” from Grease… again: overplay overkill.
“Saturday Night” by Whigfield…people actually paid money for an entire CD of a person who couldn’t think of a rhyme to “baby”…
“Pop Goes The World” by Men Without Hats… a band with so much promise, brought out so much gack in one single song.
Can you can tell I truly hate these hippy-hoppy-happy-boppy-fluffy-pink-bunny-clouds songs?
70’s? How about “Spinning Wheel”? [Cheesy lounge singer] Whut goes up… must come down…spinning wheel… comes around…(trumpet blat)[/Cheesy lounge singer]
…a friend of mine is looking forward to seeing the Venga Boys this summer. Kinda reminds me of our differences in musical “tastes”: I like original hooks, good lyrics, and a thought-out melody. He likes Mongolian Yak sweat. Different tastes.
Ice Wolf: You should listen to the remix by Sonace of “Beautiful Day”. Saves the song, in my opinion.
'Cause I’ve had all I can take, I can’t take it no more, I’m gonna pack my bags and FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MYYYY WAYYYY!!!
…or no way at all!
Oh you… YOU… now you did it.
There was a song written by David Buckley for the 1986 Vancouver World Exposition (Thank God I don’t remember the title…but it was something that was supposed to conjure up melodrama and hype in that Disneyesque-family-fun sort of way like “Something’s Happening”) that our choir teacher decided was a good idea to sing at teh school concert, and HE was in the audience.
Terrible… awful… painful…
BASTARD!!
I had managed to actually forget that song for a while!!
But since you brought it up, I can’t let you go without reminding you of “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now(except that freight train pulling 27 cars of hazardous material towards our songwriter)”
…and just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse…
whimper
Tell me honestly… am I the only one who feels the sudden urge to take a Stinger missile to a commercial jetliner when hearing this song?
“65 Love Affair” by Paul Davis “I was a car hop, you were into bebop” So you were a carhop, huh, Pauly? Maybe that’s why he didn’t stick around. They paved over him.
You North Americans are lucky:
You don’t have to endure the two-hour blechfest that is “The Eurovision Song Contest” which rivets people from over thirty countries to the boobtube.
One song in particular didn’t win, buit garnered enough attention locally to be played constantly on the radios and clubs. A band from Latvia called “Brainstorm” (no, not heavy metal…nto even close) with a whiney tune called “My Star”. The peak of the chorus sounds like it’s being sung by a fourteen-year-old who’s voice is just cracking after realizing “Hey, I’ve got genitals!”
urk! urk! urk!
I have to agree with Terry Jacks’ “Seasons in the Sun”. Not only is the song bad, the lyrics awful, and Terry Jacks un-listenable, but the entire recording sounds as if it it is being played on an old 45 turntable, but off-center. It alteranatelt speeds up and slows down in an insane way that makes you want to pull it off the turntable and smash it.
I don’t know the name of the song or the artist, but it goes “Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone…” and ends up at an endlessly repeated “I know, I know, I know, I know…” that is the audio analogue of Chinese Water Torture. I always want to say “Hit the singer – he’s stuck.”
I heartily recommend Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs, already referred to several times in this thread. Also The Fifty Worst Records of All Time (I forgoet the names of the two authors), which gives not only the fifty worst singles, but also the fifty worst albums. There’s a lot of overlap with Barry’s book (although this one came out years earlier – even before Barry’s column on bad songs), but their ratings and sense of humor are different. Also a real education for those (like me) who are woefully ignorant of Rock.
Finally, look up the Golden Throats albums from Rhino Records. There are at least four of them out already. Not all of the entries are bad – just surprising (Muhammed Ali, when he was still Cassius Clay, did a darned good recording of “Stand By Me”).
Harrison may not have been the Beatles’ main songwriting talent, but he can only be blamed for covering this dog, which was written by somebody named Rudy Clark.
I’m fond of Al Yankovic’s parody, “This Song’s Just Six Words Long”:
“This song’s got nothing to say,
but I’m recording it anyway,
I know if I put my mind to it,
I know I could find a good rhyme here.”
…
“I’ve got to fill time,
three minutes’ worth of time,
Oh, how will I fill so much time?
I’ll throw in a solo, a solo, a solo, a solo,
a solo, a solo, here.”
IMO, the truly awful songs are beyond parody. A song that can be enjoyably parodied has to have something on the ball - usually the music has to be at least passable. It may still be bad, but it’s got some modest positive aspects.
By contrast, it’s hard to imagine enjoying to a parody of “I’ve Just Gotta Get a Message to You” or “My Heart Will Go On” - it would inevitably be almost as painful as the original.
I think it’s worth distinguishing between songs that are genuinely train-wreck bad from teh get-go, and those that wouldn’t have been that bad if we hadn’t heard them 2000 times instead of two dozen.
There are great songs that get overplayed (“Stairway to Heaven”), decent ones (“With Arms Wide Open”), and mildly annoying in small enough doses (“Achy Breaky”). It obviously takes less repetitions to make one want to rip the speakers out of the wall over “Achy Breaky” than over “Stairway”, but the point is, anything can be overplayed to that point. Hell, they even managed to pull that off with Pachalbel’s Canon a coupla decades back.
But some songs are terrible the first time, as well as every time after that. The first time I heard Celine Dion let loose with “Near, far, wherever you are,” I knew I’d found one of those - and my finger hit the change-station button about that fast, too.
Yeah, sure, it got ‘overplayed’ in the sense of being put on heavy rotation by the pop radio stations, but this song was really overplayed as of its first appearance on the airwaves.
Well, I like Stevie Nicks,Sally,and I think you could point at almost any rock star from the 60’s and 70’s and find that they had some sort of a drug problem.And of course, most of the ones that are still alive managed to kick their habits.
The name of that song is “Edge of Seventeen”, and I think it’s about being 16 years old and about to turn 17.(it does contain the line “just like the white winged dove”)
And I think she did write “Gold Dust Woman” in reference to being addicted to cocaine.
Grand Funk Railroad’s I’m Your Captain.
“I’m getting closer to my home”, repeat ad nauseum. SO GO HOME ALREADY!
I apply a mondegreen to this in self-defense. I deliberately hear it as “…this ever-changing world in which we’re livin’…”
Slightly mangled pronunciation is far better than the lyric you quoted. <shudder>
Well, I like Stevie Nicks,Sally,and I think you could point at almost any rock star from the 60’s and 70’s and find that they had some sort of a drug problem.
i’m not arguing stevie nicks’ abilities as an artist. i just really, really, really despise that particular song. “rhiannon”? excellent. “the chain”? cool as hell. “landslide”? bordering on melodramatic, but completely tolerable. and drug addiction, you know, whatever. but that song drives me up a wall. it reminds me of the 80’s.
also, i remembered two more for the list.
“do wah diddy.” i don’t understand why this song must be played every 6 hours on our local oldies station, but i wish they’d stop. “she looked good (looked good)/she looked fine (looked fine)…” if i hear two seconds of it, it’s over. it’s up there echoing in my head for days on end.
“pretty woman.” i know all the roy orbison fans out there now hate me, but i’m sorry, ENOUGH!!! play a different song!!! the man had wonderful, beautiful songs, and all i ever get to hear is this damn evil reminder of julia roberts dressed as a hooker. (thank you, hollywood.)
Haven’t heard the first one, but I second your motion on the egregious “MacArthur Park.”
“My girl wants to…party all the time, party all the time, party all the tiiiiiimmmmee…”
Enough sad.
p. s. try not to be too harsh on morrissey, he's a fragile boy.“Fragile”? That reminds me:
“If I Had A Hammer” by Leonard Nimoy…
“Mambo Italiano” by whoever made a techno-dance-pop-your-daddy-in-the-def-jam-bubble-collar-remix of it.
I heard that track played loudly in a pub in Dublin while we were cleaning up: “hEY MAmbo… Mambo 'taliano hEY MAMbo… mambo 'taliano hEY MAMbo…”
to be cut off by the manager in a distict Irish accent:
“Oh SHUT DA FUK UP!!”
Then hit the next track immediately.
I applauded.
Maybe you’ll like my version better:
“You can’t hide your Thunder Thighs,
And that dress is thin disguise.
thought by now you’d realize,
There ain’t no way to hide your Thunder Thighs.”
As for the OP, I’d have to go with ‘Billy, Don’t Be a Hero’
Bill Withers (the noted author of that OTHER repititious drivel, “Lean On Me” wrote the above cat vomit. And the name IS “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone”.
But there damn sure was when he dissipated from the airwaves. Others may argue he was talent incarnate, but I prefer my musicians to know a smidgen more than three chords.
Thanks ever so much for firmly implanting that song into my head for the day. :mad:
Some real dross and unhappy memories amongst this load of old crap that has been named but I’m surprised no-one has remembered,
Havin my baby - Paul Anka.
Hey Paula - Paul and Paula
Rhythm is a dancer - Snap