More techno-savvy Dopers than I can probably explain what these things are, and who they come from ,and how much attention I need to pay them, but it’s sufficient for now that I am FUCKING PLAGUED with these irritating pop-ups headed ‘AUTOMATIC UPDATES’ that tell me “Updating your computer is almost complete. You muist restart your computer for the update to take effect. Do you want to restart your computer now?,” followed by two check-boxes, one giving me the option to “restart now” and the other giving me the option to “restart later.”
How about the option of “fuck off and die and stop bothering me with this stupid shit?”
and while we’re at it, how about telling me who’s sending me this message, so I can figure out how seriously to take it? It has a symbol in the upper left of the pop-up that looks like a “windows explorer” logo, but how about the simple courtesy of signing your fucking communications, dickhead?
Did you ever consider I might have a good reason for not wanting to update at all? Like, maybe my IT department installs any updates I actually need? At the same time, maybe some of the things you’re so kindly offering to update will actually fuck up my ability to use certain functions. (I know that I have been told NOT to stall newer versions of Adobe because my payroll system, which I need to access so my assistants get paid properly and on time, can only operate on older versions.) Why wouold I want to install updates when you don’t even tell me what they are, what they do, wht problems they might cause, or give me the ability to install some and not others? Would you buy a paper bag from me if all I told you was “I’m going to pour what’s in this bag over your head: Maybe it’s perfume, maybe it’s diarrhea–try it”?
how about letting me work on my own shit, which I consider somewhat more important than YOUR fucking issues, without dealing with you first? I’m often typing away at the keyboard only to learn that the last few sentences haven’t appeared because that fucking pop-up screen has re-asserted itself, taking precedence over the stuff I thought I was working on. But NO, I have to click “restart later” for the fourteenth time that day before I may be allowed to work on my own fucking shit.
How dare you shut down my computer without asking me (several times) if I want to lose material or save it? This is a new complaint: I just got a netbook last week, and on it, when I went to click “stand by” so I could continue to work on a chapter I was in the middle of, and also to read some SD tabs I’d saved on my subway ride home, it gave me as my only option for standing by “Install automatic updates and stand by,” so I clicked that, thinking foolishly that all the stuff I had open would reappear when it was done. Turned out there were 24 fucking separate updates to install, that took about twenty four minutes, so I’;m sitting around the office missing train after train with my thumb up my fucking ass waiting for the computer to get done, and when I get into the subway and turn it on–All my fucking stuff has disappeared. The chapter I worked on for a half an hour earlier–all gone! SD tabs–all gone!!
FUCK YOU, AUTOMATIC UPDATES, YOU COWARDLY SHITS! Show yourself to my face and I’ll beat the piss out of you right here, right now.
My computer notifies me when updates are available, and i can then look and see which ones i want to download.
Once i download them, i can also decide whether i want to install them now, or wait until later. I usually install them when i turn my computer off for the night, because that way they install before the computer shuts down, and are ready to go when i turn the computer back on.
On XP it’s:
Start > Control Panel > Automatic Updates
and then select “Notify me but don’t automatically download or install them.”
Vista is way less horrible in this regard. You can turn off the “Microsoft is done fixing it’s shit but needs to reboot” notification for up to three hours. Sure, you’ll get prodded again that day, but it’s 60 times better than the old every five minutes notification crap.
I, too, have encountered the perfume or shit dilemma. For me, it’s Internet Explorer. IT says it’s up to us to keep our computers up-to-date and secure, so I upgraded to the IE8. It turns out IE8 doesn’t work with our timesheet program. So my choices are to use IE7 and its weaker security and functionality or not do my timesheet. Screw you, IT, I’m getting paid. While you’re at it, get rid of your damn virus checker that sucks up all the computer resources at noon every day, making it impossible to use for 30 minutes. (And no, compatibility modes in IE8 don’t fix the problem. )
prr, I’m not sure which browser you’re using, but some can save tabs on close. Opera and Chrome will ask if you want to restore the tabs if the browser shutdown was untidy. I think you can set up FF the same way.
Why the hell would you put your computer in stand by mode with unsaved work? Save first. It takes less than a second. Why do people play russian roulette with important work?
More techno-savvy Dopers than I can probably explain what these things are, and who they come from ,and how much attention I need to pay them, but it’s sufficient for now that I am FUCKING PLAGUED with these irritating worms and trojans that spread from people who ignore messages that say: ‘AUTOMATIC UPDATES’ that tell me “Updating your computer is almost complete. You muist restart your computer for the update to take effect. Do you want to restart your computer now?,” followed by two check-boxes, one giving me the option to “restart now” and the other giving me the option to “restart later.”
How about the option of “fuck off and die and patch your fucking vulnerabilities so that my network is not plagued with traffic from your shitty infected machine?”
Did you ever consider I might not have a good reason for wanting to update at all? Like, maybe my IT department really wished I would click that fucking button so they don’t have to reimage my machine every 3 months because I failed to install any updates I actually need?
I don’t want to install updates, because I don’t really understand enough about IT to know what a critical vulnerability is and you don’t even tell me what they are, what they do, wht problems they might cause, because I wouldn’t understand it anyway? I’m glad you give me the ability to install some and not others, except I don’t actually know how to use my computer and can’t figure it out. Would you buy a paper bag from me if all I told you was “I’m going to pour what’s in this bag over your head: Maybe it’s perfume, maybe it’s diarrhea–try it”? Probably not, but then again, I don’t understand the difference between perfume and shit in the context of computers.
how about letting me work on my own shit, which I consider somewhat more important than YOUR fucking issues, without dealing with you first? I’m often typing away at the keyboard only to learn that the last few sentences haven’t appeared because that fucking pop-up screen has re-asserted itself, taking precedence over the stuff I thought I was working on. But NO, I have to click “restart later” for the fourteenth time that day before I may be allowed to work on my own fucking shit. I’ts obvuios to everyone that my spreadsheet is far more vital to the continuing function of business in this country than not having the internet spammed with millions of viruses and worms.
How dare you shut down my computer without asking me (several times) if I want to lose material or save it? This is a new complaint: I just got a netbook last week, and on it, when I went to click “stand by” so I could continue to work on a chapter I was in the middle of, and also to read some SD tabs I’d saved on my subway ride home, it gave me as my only option for standing by “Install automatic updates and stand by,” so I clicked that, thinking foolishly that all the stuff I had open would reappear when it was done. Turned out there were 24 fucking separate updates to install, that took about twenty four minutes, so I’;m sitting around the office missing train after train with my thumb up my fucking ass waiting for the computer to get done, and when I get into the subway and turn it on–All my fucking stuff has disappeared. The chapter I worked on for a half an hour earlier–all gone! SD tabs–all gone!!
I guess the lesson I have learned is that I should take a class or read a book and learn how to properly operate my computer. That ctrl-s thing is a lifesaver!
FUCK YOU, NON AUTOMATIC UPDATE FUCKHEADS SPREADING WORMS AND SPAM, YOU WORTHLESS SHITS! Show yourself to my face and I’ll beat the piss out of you right here, right now.
Ok, smart guys, I’m on Vista and I did the above (Control Panel, blah blah), but when I get to the security center and click on automatic updates there are no options. It just says on. I right click, nada. There are no buttons.
I have the admin account on this computer so it isn’t that I don’t have the privilege. Actually, the same thing happens on my laptop, too. Halp.
A) it’s in my best interest that you use automatic updates (if you don’t know how to turn them off, then you don’t know enough to decide what updates to install and when); and
B) this information is easily found through google?
Yeah, why would you polite and helpful when you could just be condescending?
My mistake, I thought because we were having a discussion where my question was pertinent it would be ok to ask. I’m sorry I wasted your time, dear ivn1188. I do hope you’ll forgive my insolence.
BRB, my computer illiterate self is going to go send some money to this nice man from Africa who just asked me if I could help him out. I get a chunk of his money if I just help him get it with my social security number- what a chump he is! LULZ!11!!
Does your Security Center window look anything like that? When you left click on it, it extends and the ‘change settings’ button appears. Do you not have any of the little chevron shaped icons indicating that the categories can be expanded?
A screen shot. Expanded there is no “change settings” or anything. I can turn on and off the other stuff (I was futzing with buttons when I took the screen shot).
Press start, type in ‘windows update’ in the search and hit enter. On the left hand side there should be a list of options. Check for updates, change settings, view update history etc.
Is the change settings option absent there also?
