Well he is 86, so this isn’t a surprise. Well, kind of is . . . OK here’s the story/my ramblings.
About 6 or so weeks ago my grandfather had heart surgery to repair some heart valves. Any kind of surgery is risky at his age, but it went fine. He was a bit slow with the recovery though. They kept him in ICU for a few weeks because he wasn’t swallowing well and some numbers weren’t where they wanted them. He also developed what they called “ICU psychosis.” Basically when you sit around in ICU for a long time with the same medical routine and not much to do you can start to lose it. Having spent a lot of time in the hospital myself (but never ICU) I can see where he was coming from. He was grumpy, restless, and at one point even said he wanted to die. Actually the conversation with the nurse was:
Grandpa: I want to go home!
Nurse: Well, you have to get better first and-
Grandpa: No! I want to go home to Old Glory!
My Grandfather is a former United Brethren minister if that helps clear that up. That’s also why I laughed when I heard that for awhile he was in restraints because he slapped a nurse. 
Improvement, right? Eventually he calmed down as he improved but they still had to put in a trachea-whatever tube because he still couldn’t swallow well and he didn’t want to eat.
He was getting better about a week ago and talking more, but still had a few issues such as fluid in his lungs. Before yesterday the last I had heard he was reading and even asked if he could cuddle with my Grandma. I’ve heard before though that people with Alzheimer’s and such came have a several-day “high” right before the end.
In the last two or three days more fluid has been collecting in his lungs and they are afraid to remove it because his lungs could collapse. His kidneys have been failing, and he isn’t able to digest anything they’ve been giving him. He is also back using a respirator. He’s on several different pain medications so he isn’t very responsive. My mom, her brother, two sisters, and my grandmother had a phone conference yesterday to read over his Living Will.
At 4:30 this afternoon they turned off the machines, monitors, and other things. They are keeping the pain medication going and playing music (probably hymns) and . . . we’re waiting.
We have no clue how long it will be. They said it could be hours, days, or weeks.
Waiting sucks.
I think my wife is waiting for me to crack or something, but I’ve just been kind of . . . blah through all of this. I haven’t had the closest relationship with my grandparents; I’m the second of 14 grandchildren and there are two great-grandchildren so there’s always been a baby/toddler around to be cute and exciting. I wouldn’t say we were distant though, and of course I’ll still miss him. I guess I’ve just been realistic with the idea that my grandparents aren’t going to be around for much longer. My wife only has one grandparent left, and I have two more after this one.
My dad’s mom died when I was 7 and of course I cried a lot. It wasn’t unexpected; she was a smoker and had a long fight with lung cancer. Now though . . . I guess when you’re older it’s different? Maybe I’m too busy right now? Beats me.
If you’ve read this much, thanks. I think I express things better in writing and this has given me a chance to reflect and think about everything from a different perspective. I’m not looking for a bunch of condolences or anything (I feel better just having put it all down on [del]paper[/del] typing) so share a story, memory, or testimonial of a loved one. It’s great to think about the people we love! 
