My wife’s business takes her out of town for long weekends. She left yesterday and won’t be back until Sunday, so it’s bachelor week in Baltimore for El Trunko. What’s that look like?
Before leaving home last night, I watched some Ultimate Fighting Championship on Fox Sports Net. Then, I spent money on my bike at the bike store, had a sandwich and 2 beers at my favorite bar then went to see Star Wars again, smelling like sweat, beer and cigarettes. I didn’t take a shower before bed.
Tonight, I’m going to do like 50 miles on my bike then grill a steak and 2 hamburgers (for leftovers). I’m not having any vegetables. Then, I plan on watching “National Treasure” and having a loud wrestling match with the dog. And have like 3 martinis.
Tomorrow, I’m going to the ballgame with 2 buddies. We’ll have wings and hot dogs and beers and might go to a titty bar after the game. More drinking, whether we go see titties or not.
Saturday, after shaking off the cobwebs. . .long bike ride. Then I’m watching the US Open and doing a long project on my bike which will involve (I’m sure) lots of cursing and frustration, and some heavy metal and country music on the stereo. At night on HBO, Kevin James and Ray Romano are doing some goofy thing on golf (which I’ll enjoy) and then there are 2 great boxing matches on. I’ll gamble on the fights, curse a lot, and drink by myself.
Sunday. . .chill. I’ll have a beer with an egg sandwich in the morning. Read the Sunday paper. Watch the Nascar race and the US Open in the afternoon.
About 6:00 pm, I’ll start to become disgusted with myself. I’ll make a cursory attempt at cleaning up (like wiping my urine off the toilet seat and moving my dirty socks from the couch to the floor) so she thinks I didn’t just loaf around all weekend.
She’ll return from the trip right as I’m starting to think, “god, I’m glad I’m married because I’d behave like this 365 days a year if she wasn’t around.” Then, she’ll pull out a giant wad of cash and say, “Look how much I made this weekend.”