Bachelor life in Baltimore

My wife’s business takes her out of town for long weekends. She left yesterday and won’t be back until Sunday, so it’s bachelor week in Baltimore for El Trunko. What’s that look like?

Before leaving home last night, I watched some Ultimate Fighting Championship on Fox Sports Net. Then, I spent money on my bike at the bike store, had a sandwich and 2 beers at my favorite bar then went to see Star Wars again, smelling like sweat, beer and cigarettes. I didn’t take a shower before bed.

Tonight, I’m going to do like 50 miles on my bike then grill a steak and 2 hamburgers (for leftovers). I’m not having any vegetables. Then, I plan on watching “National Treasure” and having a loud wrestling match with the dog. And have like 3 martinis.

Tomorrow, I’m going to the ballgame with 2 buddies. We’ll have wings and hot dogs and beers and might go to a titty bar after the game. More drinking, whether we go see titties or not.

Saturday, after shaking off the cobwebs. . .long bike ride. Then I’m watching the US Open and doing a long project on my bike which will involve (I’m sure) lots of cursing and frustration, and some heavy metal and country music on the stereo. At night on HBO, Kevin James and Ray Romano are doing some goofy thing on golf (which I’ll enjoy) and then there are 2 great boxing matches on. I’ll gamble on the fights, curse a lot, and drink by myself.

Sunday. . .chill. I’ll have a beer with an egg sandwich in the morning. Read the Sunday paper. Watch the Nascar race and the US Open in the afternoon.

About 6:00 pm, I’ll start to become disgusted with myself. I’ll make a cursory attempt at cleaning up (like wiping my urine off the toilet seat and moving my dirty socks from the couch to the floor) so she thinks I didn’t just loaf around all weekend.

She’ll return from the trip right as I’m starting to think, “god, I’m glad I’m married because I’d behave like this 365 days a year if she wasn’t around.” Then, she’ll pull out a giant wad of cash and say, “Look how much I made this weekend.”

We are sooooo related, although can’t you squeeze in hitting a couple of range buckets? BTW, I consider Pringles a vegetable.

I’m fixing to have a week+ of batching it; not insignifcant, as I have three small children. I plan to watch sports and drink beer, go to a ballgame and drink beer, then maybe go see a band and drink beer. Maybe try to finish a couple of songs I’ve been hearing in my head.

What I do not plan to do is cook, clean, or anything remotely constructive. Well, I’ll probably have a todo list that I’ll ignore until a couple of hours before they get back.

I’m going to do some of those things this weekend, because it’s Father’s Day. I haven’t had a bachelor week in a couple of years but now that you mention it, I could really use one. Maybe its time to go camping with the boys. I hear Atlantic City is nice this time of year.

So…you’re, like, a pimp or something?

No offense meant, but I was gonna ask if she worked at a titty bar :smiley:

Yeah, I started to ask if they were all ones but thought better of it.

In case you guys ain’t kidding, she sells her own line of jewelry. She has a retail show about 4 hours away, so she stays away all weekend (hopefully) making money. She has a place to stay this weekend, so that’s a big part of expenses she doesn’t have to cover.

Coincidentally, I do happen to be a pimp.

And, Baltimore is really lacking in the “driving range” department.

Nonsense! There is a new driving range 5 minutes north of the Hunt Valley Mall, Hereford Golf Center or something like that off York Rd. There is a nice one at the golf course on Mountain Rd. in Harford county, Mountain View I think, and the public courses in the county have driving ranges too although the range at Longview is irons only. I have seen guys at Oregon Ridge doing a little chipping in the large field on the right as you turn into the park.

All of those take considerable time to get to from the middle of the city.

Not tons of time, but enough time when weighed against my desire to actually go hit some balls. I’d do it more often if it was within 10 minutes of me.

I think next weekend, I’m playing golf with my brother in law, anyway, up in Philly, while the wife. . .makes more money (it’s her busy season).

To me that is the best reason of all to hie thee to a driving range now. Hit a bucket or two of balls this week and you’ll be dialed in when you play your BIL next week. Actually I’m just projecting my desire not to be at work now onto you.

Feh. Just head up to Federal Hill with some balls, a tee and a driver and launch 'em into the harbor.

Watch out for ferrys (not that kind!) and those little duck boats. Give yourself 10 points for each boat you hit. +5 points if you hit a passenger. +10 if you hit the captain. +50 if you make it on tonights evening news. I’ll be watching.

You don’t know how tempting that is.

It looks like it was made for it. Sheee-it, they even got the cannons pointing out from up there, just egging you on.

For those who don’t know. . .

Looking down from the hill

Looking across the water at the hill.

Can you say "Taylor[sub]TM[/sub] made fourcast?

Might want to drink some beer while you’re finishing the songs.


:smack: Piss Poor Planning on my part!