Max out your credit cards. Some other company will just send you a new one, anyway.
Post, in every forum on the SDMB, that a duck’s quack doesn’t echo and nobody knows why.
Mix booze and tranquilizers for party fun!
Girls really like it when you make lewd comments to them on the street. It makes them feel sexy.
Go ahead and taunt the tied-up dog.
It’s time to settle down and get married.
Our politicians are really smart - that’s why people elect them. You should trust them.
You know those of those ‘quick, easy solution’ ads for things like baldness or losing weight? Most of them really work, you should try them.
Ignore the moaners - Microsoft actually make darned good software and current versions of Windows are pretty much crash-free so you never lose your work.
Electricians? A ripoff. If you need to get some stuff done that involves mains electricity, have a go yourself and save the money. After all, most electricians have never been to university, so how hard can it be?
So you enjoy smoking but the scare-mongers keep telling you it’s bad for you? Well, just switch to a low tar brand. That way you can enjoy smoking and look after your health too.
Don’t bother reading books. It’s pretty boring and takes too long, and besides if a book’s any good they’ll make a movie out of it.
Don’t be one of these people who moan about taxes all the time. A lot of government people work very hard to make sure every cent is well spent, and hardly any ever gets wasted. In fact, we get a pretty good deal for the low taxes we all pay.
Expect the next Kate Bush album to be out any time soon. I’m sure it will have been worth the wait.
Always carry a duck.
Sure, go ahead, cut down that forest. They can always grow more, can’t they?
Have you ever thought about how much time we waste having to go to the toilet several times a day? Just wear a daiper instead. People will respect you.
You should keep that bottle of arsenic solution in the refrigerator – the cold will keep it stronger than room temperature. There’s plenty of room next to the soft drinks.
When you thaw out a frozen turkey, be sure to leave it out overnight, and maybe longer, so it’s completely thawed through to the center. You’ll know it’s ready to cook when there’s a nice metallic sheen and an aroma on it. Don’t overcook it – you want the inside meat to have that lovely pink tinge, it’s so much tastier.
Sure, go ahead and let your dog chase those sheep. They need the exercise.
Special for New Year’s Eve: Tired and want to go home after the midnight fireworks display, but there’s a crowd around your car? Just lean on your horn and accelerate – they’ll get out of your way in a jiffy.
Kids in the Hall, isn’t it?
Go ahead, grab the foul ball. It’ll make a great souvenir.
Let’s take the ferry today!
Go ahead and tell her she’s fat, she did ask after all.
Let’s make fun of the postal worker…what’s he gonna do about it?
Tired of paying for gas and insurance on your car? Here’s a totally cool way of saving money! Get some roller blades, put them on your feet, and grab ahold of the back fender of the nearest bus when you want to go somewhere! You can visit a lot of interesting places by doing this.
Just be yourself. People will like you for who you are.