Got home this evening from a wonderful concert (Habib Koite), which I attended with the guy I’m currently pining after, though I seem to be stuck in the friends zone with him. Checking my email yields a message from a guy at a dating site who actually seems rather intriguing … and a message from a woman who I’ve never heard of before.
Oh, JP, you rascal.
JP is someone I do the occasional booty call with – very casual, nonexclusive relationship as far as I’m concerned; he knows I date elsewhere, and I’ve never given a huge amount of thought to whether he does or not.
Interestingly enough, when I think back, I’ve known him since … April of 2006.
I wrote the woman back, ccing JP, and asked how it happened that she was reading his email.
It seems like the worst-case scenario would be if she was telling the truth when she said JP told her that his other women were all just friends. Suppose that’s true – would it bother you? If not, then no worries, I guess. If it would, then you may want to ask him why he thinks she would have said that.
Yeah, if JP in fact lied to her and led her to believe they were exclusive while he was seeing other women, there’s nothing funny about what he did to her. It’s not her fault if he lied to her. You may not agree with her decision to contact you, but you could have been a lot more gentle in your response if you truly thought she was in pain.
It’s called a lie of omission. He is in a relationship with someone who believes it to be exclusive. A non zero number of women would deny him sex if he told them that, so he figures why mess up a good thing?
If he failed to tell you that he had done time in prison for murdering his casual lover, that wouldn’t be a lie either, but I suspect you would be perturbed to find it out.
Personally, since you find it oh-so-amusing, I sincerely hope the next time you’re with someone that you really care about you find yourself in a similar situation as this woman so some other woman can have as much fun as you seem to be having. Maybe even the man you went to the concert with who doesn’t seem to like you as much as you like him.
I interpreted that as meaning, “Heh, someone expects me to hit the ceiling because this guy is ‘cheating’ on me - but he’s not. On the other hand, man, that’s really gotta hurt for her.”
It is kind of naive for Maria to assume that all of her correspondents are “innocent parties/victims” and that no one’s going to essentially say, “leave me out of the drama that you’re adding to here.” The second-to-last sentence of her letter sounds like she’s got some kind of Big Plan going on.