Ahhh, back in the pit again. It seems that I have had too much to complain about lately. I keep losing my faith for humanity.
For well over a year now I have been having a relationship (of sorts) with a gentleman (the term loosely applied to anything with a wee-wee). From the very first moment I made it abundantly clear that I wasn’t interested in anything serious and that love didn’t enter in the equation. I just wanted something halfway between casual sex and a friendship. Sometimes he seemed a little uncomfortable with my “paranoia” and my insistence that the relationship remained secret to everyone else.
I thought I couldn’t have made it any easier for him. He had no responsibilities whatsoever, no pressures, just a friend that was willing to lend a helping hand whenever he needed it and that to be fair was sometimes lent a helping hand in return. I always made sure that he knew that I expected him to be faithful to me, sexually that is. But I also made sure he knew that he could walk out ANY moment with a minute notice, no skin off my nose. I couldn’t have given him any more rope, and of course he goes ahead and hangs himself. Sadly, not literally.
For the last few weeks my instincts kicked in. I knew that something stank in the Kingdom of Denmark, but being that I expected him to do what I would have done myself, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. How fool of me. I have just discovered that what I suspected was true, he has been seeing someone else lately, even before the last time we spent time together (before Xmas).
I am disappointed, and disgusted. Disappointed because I thought he was an honest person and I considered him my friend. Disgusted because I did trust this piece of shit and even had unprotected sex with him the last time. The mere thought of his physical presence makes me sick. The thought of having ever been touched by him gives me the same feeling of having partaken of one of Dr. Lecter’s buffets.
Why, oh why? Why can’t people be honest? My respect for him would have remained intact. My already dim respect for humanity wouldn’t have been further damaged. And he still has the nerve to casually deny it, “I don’t know what you are talking about”. Yeah, right. Scrape up some honesty and self-worth you sad excuse for a man and tell the truth. Save whatever little respect I might have had left for you; you just blew your last chance not to be included in my list of People that Thoroughly Disgust Me.
Godspeed, and may you receive ten times what you’ve given.
I already said (or implied) that we would not have sex outside our relationship. Even if you don’t understand it we BOTH made sure it was clear to both of us.
Is the concept of ONE sexual partner too deep for you to understand?
That’s not too unusual of a setup. Most college relationships in my experience are along similar lines – monogomous (to protect against clap and HIV etc.), but with the promise that neither party is going to go and fall in love with the other one (i.e. fuck everything up).
Easy, killer. Like I say, I’m not confused that it was monogomous. I was confused slightly by the fact that you don’t consider “casual relationship” and “not serious relationship” to be synonyms. I do. Let me reword, then.
Not serious monogomous relationship? Does not compute.
I agree with the previous posters. Make up your mind. You said you wanted something between “Casual Sex And Friendship.” Sounds to me like that’s what you got. Someone to pound your pee hole when he didn’t have anything else to do.
Are you absolutely sure he was having sex with someone else?
If so, then I can understand you being upset if he broke a promise not to have sex with anyone else while you were together, especially if it’s for health reasons. If that’s what’s bothering you, then you have every right to be angry.
But I hope you’re not feeling emotionally betrayed. If you insisted from the get-go that any sex you had with this man be meaningless, then I’m not particularly surprised that he went elsewhere for fulfillment.
But yes, being lied to definitely sucks, I’m with you there.
Well, yes. It’s also an inherently unstable relationship - it had essentially zero chance of working indefinitely.
The guy shouldn’t have lied to you, but the parameters of the relationship weren’t logical or sensible. You had to expect this sort of thing to happen.
Are you upset that he had a sexual realtionship with someone else like he was having with you or that he did not tell you so you could have protected sex?
It sounds like you are mad to have lost a trusted toy not a friend. By the same turn, if he was going to sleep with others, you should have been one of, if not the first, to know.
Is he no longer a friend for having lied, if he did (no info provided), or becuase he sleep with someone else? Not much of a friendship if either of these is true though.
You, madam, are not living in the real world. I don’t blame the guy for going elsewhere. You’re talking as if you were ashamed to be having a relationship with him. A relationship you yourself described as halfway between casual sex and friendship. You can’t have it all your own way. To casually infer that you’re sorry he didn’t literally hang himself stinks.
It was a MUTUAL agreement. In our first date he said “I don’t want love and I don’t want marriage”. Fine with me.
It was clear that we wouln’t have sex outside this relationship. we BOTH agreed. He would have been rightly pissed off if I had slept with someone else. We were having unprotected sex all this time.
It wasn’t exactly a “wang-bang thank you m’aam” thing. We were friends. Close friends, we saw each other frequently and had an active social life together although everybody thought we were just friends.
He always knew he could have told me he wanted somebody else. He knows I would have understood. I told him MANY times.
I didn’t corner him when I asked him, I mentioned it casually giving him the chance of telling me without feeling worse. He chose to deny it, he knows he’s betrayed my trust.
** samarm ** I can understand her being so angry if he placed her at risk. These days, unprotected sex with someone that is not trustworthy, is very dangerous…
Like I say, I’m not confused that it was monogomous. I was confused slightly by the fact that you don’t consider “casual relationship” and “not serious relationship” to be synonyms. I do. Let me reword, then.