Bad Halloween jokes

Q. What kind of dog is owned by Dracula ?
A. A blood hound

Q. What do vampires have at ten o’clock every day ?
A. A coffin break

Q. What do skeletons say before eating?
A. Bone Appetite!

Q. Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A. No, they eat the fingers separately…

Q. What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A. She flies off the handle.

Q. What do you use to repair a Jack O’ Lantern?
A. A pumpkin patch.
Add your own!

Why did the guy scoop the insides out of his hot dog?

Why can’t Witchs get pregnant? Thier husbands have Hollow-weenies!

What do witchs do with thier used tampons? Give them to Vampires to use as teabags!

I can’t do this anymore.

This reminds me of the poster who says that every time they pass by an Au Bon Pain they say “OWW!!! Bone Pain!”

Q. How do you tell the girl ghosts from the boy ghosts?

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
“Do you believe in people?”

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Top Ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better Than Sex

  1. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

  2. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go back at it again.

  3. The stranger you look, the easier it is to get some.

  4. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave it to you.

  5. Person you are with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else, you already are.

  6. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last nine months.

  7. If you wear leather and chains, no one thinks you’re kinky.

  8. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

  9. Less guilt the next morning from over-indulging.

  10. If you don’t get what you want at one place, you can always go next door to get more!

I give up. Why?

Because he wanted a hollow weenie.

<groan> :slight_smile:

Well, you did ask. :slight_smile:

What is Red and looks like a bucket?

A red bucket!

What did the kids think when little Satan’s costume caught on fire?

Well, they thought it was hellarious!

Bad enough?

Bad jokes? The only kind I know. (Not to mention I post the same ones every year…:rolleyes:)
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

No guts!

A skeleton goes into a bar, he orders a beer and _______ ?

A mop!

What is a zombie’s favorite musical group? (no, not the Grateful Dead)


My boss just sent this to me:

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: ‘I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.’

She answers, ‘My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.’

‘Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.’

She responds, ‘Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.’

The cab driver is very excited and says,

‘Yes, I’m single and Catholic!’

‘OK’ the nun says. ‘Pull into the next alley.’

The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

‘My dear child,’ says the nun, ‘why are you crying?’

‘Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.’

The nun says, ‘That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.’

A skeleton once, in Khartoum,
Invited a ghost up into his room
They spent the whole night
In the eeriest fight
Over who should be frightened of whom

What do you get when you goose a ghost?

A handful of sheet.

I think that was my dad’s favourite joke.

Why couldn’t the witch and wizard have babies?

The wizard had crystal balls.

What do ghosts wear when it rains? GHOULoshes!

What did one skeleton say to the other?

“I have a bone to pick with you!”

What does a vegan zombie eat?