Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend
What do hillbillies do for Halloween?
Pump kin.
A skeleton once, in Khartoum,
Invited a ghost up into his room
They spent the whole night
In the eeriest fight
Over who should be frightened of whom
[Richard Nixon]
Trick!
[/Richard Nixon]
What do you get when you goose a ghost??
.
.
.
.
.
.
A handful of sheet…
FCM: That was one of my dad’s favourite jokes. He delivered it with (his version of) a Mexican accent.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts to!
Thanks folks, I’m here all week.
E3
What does a skeleton order in a bar?
A beer and a mop.
When is it bad luck to have a black cat follow you?
When you’re a mouse.
What is dracula’s favorite building?
The vampire state building.
What is a ghost’s favorite color?
Light boo.
Oh my god. I tripped some kind of a switch in my brain or something and can’t stop the flow. Another benefit of having 3 young kids.
What do you use to unlock a cemetery?
A skeleton key
Why do they have fences around cemetaries?
Cause people are dying to get in.
What is a monster’s favorite food?
Ghoul-ash.
Someone please stop me!
How do you scare a bee?
Boobie! (boo bee)
I dont know why I felt the need to explain that last one.
Did you hear about the devil-worshipper who was dyslexic?
He sold his soul to Santa.
{or is that a Christmas joke?} 
A cabbie picks up a nun and confesses to her that he’s always fantasized about receiving oral sex from a nun. She tells him that it’s allowed, but he has to be single and a catholic. The man says, “I’m single… and Catholic,” so the nun tells him to pull into an alley. In the middle of the act, the cabbie feels guilty and admits that he lied - he’s married, and he’s a Baptist. The nun replies, “Don’t feel badly, sugar - I’m not Catholic, either. My name is Bob and I’m on my way to a halloween party.”
What do you call a hot dog that doesn’t have any meat in it?
A hollow weenie!
Why DIDN’T the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts.
(oops) Why DID the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the Body Shop.
What do you call a little monster’s parents?
Mummy and deady
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.
I was walking down the street one night and I passed by old Widow Hawkin’s house that hasn’t been lived in for 20 years…
[sub]rap rap rap rap rap[/sub]
I heard a noise so I walked up to the house…
[sub]Rap Rap Rap Rap Rap[/sub]
It was coming from inside the house, so I went inside…
[sub]RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP[/sub]
It was coming from upstairs, so I climbed up to the first floor…
rap rap rap rap rap
To the second floor…
Rap Rap Rap Rap Rap
To the third floor…
RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP
It was still above me, so I went up to the attic…
rap rap rap rap rap
There was a chest in the attic where the sound was coming from, so I went to the chest…
Rap Rap Rap Rap Rap
And opened it!
RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP
And you know what was in there?
[are you ready for it?]
[are you sure?]
[you’re gonna hate me]
WRAPPING PAPER!!! 
I told you that you were going to hate me!
The doorbell rings at a man’s house on Hallowe’en night, and he opens the door to a young boy dressed as a pirate.
“Trick or Treat!” the kid says.
“So what are you supposed to be?” the man asks as he hands over the candy.
“I’m a pirate!” the boy replies.
“Well, if you’re a pirate, where are your buccaneers?”
“Under my buccanhat.”
Buccaneer? Isn’t that awfully expensive for corn?