Is Wolverine for really?
No, it’s just a huge act, man.
A dog walks into a Western Union and says “I want to send a telegram.”
“Sure.” The telegrapher says, grabbing a pencil and a pad, “What do you want to send?”
“Woof. Woof woof. Woof woof, woof.”, says the dog.
“For another dollar, you can add another ‘woof’” explains the telegrapher.
“Why would I want to do that? That wouldn’t make any sense!”
Why did the squirrel fall outta the tree?
It was doing monkey impressions 
How far can we take this crap joke?!?!
So what do you DO with a dog with no legs?
You take it out for a drag.
All this talk of dogs with no legs has got me thinkin’…
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it 
Q: what do you call a dog with no hind legs and steel balls?
A: Sparky
Q: why did the woman that had a dig with no legs at all, call him smokey?
A: cos every night, sh’d take him out for a drag.
And the sequence about the monkeys…I have one about elephants:
Q: what’s 1 elephant in a tree?
A: 1 less on the ground
Q: what’s 2 elephants in a tree?
A: no, not 2 less on the ground, but 1 more in the tree
Q: what do you call 3 elephants in a tree?
A: One hell of a strong tree
Q: why should you not walk in the woods after dark?
A: just in case an elephant falls out of the tree
Q: why is a crocodile so flat?
A: it went walking through the woods at night…
I know what you call a dog with NO legs.
Cigarette…because you take it out for drag.
What’s green and smells like pigs?
Kermit’s finger
Why don’t rabbits make noise when they have sex?
They have ‘cotton balls’
Ever heard of the good whore?
She worked around the Cock.
Q: What’s the smallest pub in England?
A: The Thalidomide Arms.
Q: Why don’t women ever want sex first thing in the morning?
A: Well, have you ever tried to peel open a toasted cheese sandwich…?
Q: You know the most shocking part of it when Michael Jackson dangled his little boy over the balcony in Germany?
A: He usually just tosses them off instead.
Q: What kind of file do you use to make a little hole into a big hole?
A: A paedophile.
Q: Did you hear about the Thalidomide porn star?
A: Had an arm like a baby’s cock!
Why did the dog fall outta the tree?
'Cause it tasted like chicken…walked into a bar…with algebra…no legs
I liked that one about Gandhi
Two guys enter a bar.
You’d think the second guy wood-duck.
But I’m a frayed knot, grasshopper.
What did the Beatles say during the rockslide?
“Watch out for the Rolling Stones!”
Mick Jagger buys a sheep farm. One day he comes out and sees a neighboring farmer named McCloud humping one of his sheep. So he starts singing:
“Hey (hey), McCloud (McCloud), get of of my ewe…”
when is a door not a door?
when it’s ajar.
A baby seal walked into a club.
A man goes to a psychiatrist, and the psychiatrist asks him what his problem is.
The man replies “I don’t have any problem! My wife made me come here, just because I like pancakes!”
The psychiatrist thinks about that for a moment, then says “I don’t see anything wrong with that; I like pancakes myself”.
The man replies “You do? Come on over to my house sometime- I’ve got a whole basement full!”
A painter is whitewashing an outshouse, when his stepladder tilts and he falls into the pit of muck.
After screaming, “Fire! Fire! Fire!” for several minutes, he hears the wailing sirens and soon is looking up at the Chief, and a crew of Truckies.
The Chief asks, “Where’s the fire?”
The painter says, “There isn’t one.”
“Then why did you holler Fire!?”
“Would you guys have come to rescue me if I’d shouted, ‘Shit! Shit! Shit!’?”
A couple is having sex when, suddenly, the boy tells the girl “let me stick it in your ear”, she replies “are you MAD?Do you want me to turn deaf or something?”, and he says “well, you didn´t turn mute, did you?”
Q: What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
A: A peeping tom snatches watches.
D’oh! :smack: I’m a lousy joke teller. Round two.
Q: What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
A: A pickpocket snatches watches.
Damn, I killed the punchline on that one.