Who, day and night, must scramble for a living,
Scratch up all the couches, shed his daily hairs?
And who has the right, as master of the house,
To have the final word at home?
The Kitty, the Kitty! Tradition.
The Kitty, the Kitty! Tradition.
COME DOWN FROM THERE YOU HAIRBRAINED FURBALL! IT’S FOR YOUR OWN GOL DARN GOOD!
(ahem)
Look on the bright side, one thing you have done in your life is get a cat. You’re ahead of me, there.
I just opened up the sliding door and he hops out on to the balcony, up the railing and onto the roof. All I could do was wait for him to get bored, and with all the birds up there he was not getting bored.
Who keeps trying to destoy the couch however many times I explain to him if he kills the couch he won’t have any place to sleep?
Who just comes in and says meeeewww and refuses to learn English?
Who killed that poor tiny baby mouse which you didn’t have to as we feed you already?
Who has a tail that exceeds the legal limit?
Bad kitty!!
Remember those old Warner Brothers cartoons in which a character would have two little imps, one on each shoulder? One was an angel imp urging the character to do good deeds, and the other was a demon imp tempting toward naughtiness.
Sometimes I think I see little kitty-imps hovering over my pussycat. On one side there’s a purry, peaceful kitty, and on the other side there’s a hissy, spitty kitty. And I imagine my cat thinking “Hmmm… should I curl up sweetly in the human’s lap, or should I go take a dump in one of her favorite shoes?”
How can I hope to make you understand
Why I do what I do? 
I was thinking more along the lines of:
Ah, I am very glad the worst my cat does is that he’s figured out how to use his paw to pull down the horizontal blinds while standing on one of my bookcases or speakers. He doesn’t do any damage to them, and it looks really funny with him sitting there and pulling down the blinds to look out at the window.
By the way I’m using your thread to pimp my totally unrelated cute cat pic:
Ok that’s spooky–we have almost the same couch upholstery!
more shameless pimping: attaaaaack!
cat butt!
I claim this child!
I claim this kitty!
I dub thee Sir Pestermeister