Looking for some insight and, perhaps, some advice here… particularly from women since it’s a “woman’s perspective” type question… but anyone’s welcome to opine, of course
Long story short… Some time ago, back in March, I fell hard for someone and they fell hard for me in return. It was one of those situations where you know the person for a time, talking casually and such for a few months and at some point, things start to become more personal and before you know it, you realize you’ve fallen for the person. Such was the case between us. We met in an online game we both used to play (I’ve stopped playing and I understand she has as well recently). It was going absolutely amazingly for a time and we were dying to meet face to face (about 16 hours apart by car) and, though I was in-between jobs having recently moved to a new state, she couldn’t wait and insisted on buying me plain tickets to come to her. It was absolutely the most amazing 5 days I’ve spent in memory with anyone, anywhere, any time.
The key thing to remember here is that everything was entirely mutual. She was as open as I was… we both were equally affectionate and such toward each other. It was as close to perfect as I’ve ever experienced, though to quote Neil Peart “I know perfect’s not for real”. I thought and I know she thought for sure that that was it. We were a pair and that’s all there was to it. She even made the comment to me to not get too long of a lease on an apartment where I was living at the time, with the implication that we’d likely be moving in together before too long. And that’s a topic that I know from experience many women are very hesitant to discuss, especially early in a relationship.
So… as you probably have figured out… something brought it to a halt. But, not really a “halt” per se… Basically after my visit there, she realized something. She wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship yet. She’d come out of an 8 year relationship with someone whom she’d been with since she still lived with her folks and this was the first time she’d been truly on her own - her own person. She wasn’t ready to give that up yet and realized she couldn’t give to a relationship between us the way she knew she wanted to. My physically being there is what really sorta drove the point home for her, as she explained it. While there was that distance, I guess it was more of an abstract. She still believed she and I were a perfect pair… but she just wasn’t ready to commit yet. And… wasn’t sure when she would be. She had alot going on in her life at that time… a major job promotion coming up, possible relocation to another part of the city pending the promotion, and so forth…
In all, it was as though a massive “Pause” button had been pressed. Nothing ended… there was no closure… it was just halted abruptly. There was no anger, no arguing, no nothing. To me, that’s what’s happened… it’s on “pause”. It’s not necessarily over. As she put it, it was just really bad timing. We both acknowledged that if at some point in the future when she was ready for a relationship, if the timing was right and things lined up, that we would definitely pick things up and continue. Even a couple of her close friends whom she’d confided in about us, how she felt about me, etc… were baffled at this - they believed we were a “sure thing” as well.
Of course, this was crushing to me (to be grossly understated), though I understood and respected her point-of-view. She requested some time apart to sorta think things through, decide what she wanted in her life and to sorta do the things on her own that she felt she needed and wanted to do… when she’d sorted it through, we’d talk and see where things went from there. I was ready to give her all the time and space she needed and even suggested cutting communication completely for a week, and see how that worked. Her response, and I quote, “No. Don’t leave me completely. I can’t go a week without talking to you.” Well, I guess it turned out to be more difficult than she’d anticipated, as more and more time went by and she never had an answer she felt confident or comfortable giving me. After a time, we stopped talking completely.
Now… it’s over 3 months later and I’m still missing her like crazy. I still laugh out loud to myself thinking back to some of the funny things that were said or done; or remembering little things that I looked forward to on a daily basis, like calling her at work at about 11:30AM to say hi and just see how her day was going, etc… All these great memories, and then soon after I’ll feel my heart crawling into my throat, because I miss her so damn much.
But it’s more than that.
Besides being someone I absolutely fell for and care for like I’ve cared for no other in my life… she’s also earned a place with me reserved for very few people. Basically, you know how you meet some people, and when you lose touch,it’s kinda sad but you move on? But then, there are people who just have such an impact on you - I mean overall… as a person - and are just such amazing people that the thought of losing contact with them would be like having part of you ripped away? Well, she’d attained that status with me, even before we became romantically involved. Even if we only ever remained friends going forward… or even if we never spoke… I will always highly regard her as a great person.
I recently, on recommendation by a good mutual friend of ours, tried to break the ice and contact her again… she still hasn’t responded. And… I’m struggling trying to understand why. I’m hoping that somewhere down the road she and I will again get in contact and talk…and go forward. Though I’m getting on with my life, living… working… and even dating… Deep down, I would love to unpress that Pause button and I’m hoping and praying that day comes.
This is where the advice of a woman would come in handy and be appreciated.
Have any of you here ever found yourself in a situation something like what I’ve described to you… I mean being in her shoes… or even with the roles reversed?
What I’m trying to figure out (and it might be pointless to do so) is why she might still not want to talk. Could it be that her emotions are still too strong as well and she still isn’t ready to “let go and give in” to them so she feels it’s better to keep that distance? Could it be that she’s trying to forget it altogether and move on (even though it goes in direct contradiction to what she’d said in the past… and I have no reason to believe she’d lie about such a thing)? Maybe she feels I’m not ready to continue on a ‘just friends’ level just yet?
I honestly don’t know and so I’m hoping maybe some of you can offer some advice or insight, based upon your own experiences, those you’ve known who have been in similar situations, etc.
And finally… though it seems like something out of a movie (like Serendipity) to me… have any of you ever personally been in a situation where, after a time, you did get back together with that person and things did continue where they left off? Or… perhaps you know of someone else who did? As hopeful as I am, I can’t help but wonder if I’m being a dumbass for even considering it.
Thanks for reading all this… I know it’s ridiculously long… I wanted to get as many details out as I could to allow for more “informed” replies.