Nevermind…
I remember reading a Mad feature along these lines 20-ish years ago. Most of the ones I recall have been mentioned in previous posts. A couple others were “Five Dollar Beers” and “Poetry Night.” Both of which might actually draw crowds now. If anyone has access to that “Totally Mad” CD ROM set, maybe they can corroborate my memory?
Here’s how dumb I am: During the grunge years, I read about a new band and thought “With a name like that, they’ll go nowhere.” The band: Pearl Jam.
Those are actual band names.
BTW, one of my first bands was call “Subject to Change”. I love that name!
I’m gonna have to say “Happy Rhodes”. If ever there was a name that cried out “cheesy over-the-hill Cowboy singer”, it would be that one. (Well, “Happy Trails” would be worse, but only slightly.)
I know.
Ah man, OneCentStamp! I just happened to have your post on my screen when our sweet little volunteer coordinator walked into my office and looked over my shoulder! So much for family-friendly.
That will teach me to read SDMB at work when my office door is open.
For Rent – See Agent
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Eyebrow Threading
Georgia-Pacific Plywood
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Karaoke Night
Private Party
Si, Hablamos Español!
There actually was a band by that name (actually, three, according to the All-Music Guide). The original had three albums out and chose the name especially to get bigger crowds at their bar gigs.
I’ve always felt that the reason he isn’t big in the USofA is the fact that his name is Robbie Williams.
Amway Superstars
My students suggest:
Fat People Dance
AA Meeting
I know, I know! I’m really sorry. 
Please, someone report my post and get it deleted.
Incoming Terrorist Attack
In college, a buddy of mine had a band called “Willis Smoked a Guy”, inspired by the mistaken belief that Todd Bridges (Willis of Diff’rent Strokes) had killed a man. Due to an unfortunate typo, this band was billed in a Battle of the Bands as “Willis Smoked a Goy”. Neither of those band names portend a bright future.
Ross Perot Campaign Headquarters
Kid Touchers Anonymous. No way anyone would be caught dead going into that bar.
It’s a valid point, though. For a few weeks I had no idea how to announce “Caribou and the… umm… F Buttons!” on the air for promo. Lots of promo is difficult with that kind of name. What’s worse is when your band is simply called F.
You’d think that Biohazard and Municipal Waste would’ve had some problems, but they’re both doing all right.
I’d eat my hat if there was no metal band named Condemned. Fortunately, my hat is safe. (Fair warning, that’s a link to a MySpace page with sound. Also, I’m not impressed.)
How Do You Hold This Guitar?