Batman Vs. Superman

Well, if you’d paid closer attention when you read The Dark Knight Returns, you’d know Batman’s synthesized kryptonite. I gotta go with Miller’s idea of how the fight would go down; Supes is too goody-goody and Batman too smart (and not above a little nastiness) for Bats to lose if he’s got a chance to plan.

Yeah, but you quote LeVon and/or Barry Saggitarius in your sig, so I already knew that.

I was planning on staying out of this thread but this is total bullshit. Wolvie knocked him over a bar and lit up a cigar…how “entertaining”.

Oh, and Supes would pulverize batman and, of course, The Hulk would make a little girl out of Superman (In real life, not those bullshit crossovers that are done to boost sales.)

*Originally posted by Cisco *

Hmmm…maybe I shoulda added a rolleyes smiley. The intended implication was that I found Supes vs the Big Green Guy was even less impressive. At least Lobo and Wolvie snarled and insulted each other a little. The Supes/Hulk fight would’ve been better with the old, dumb, pissed-off Hulk, I think–one little heat vision zap, and the Hulk would’ve gotten ticked and knocked Supes a$& over teakettle.

I agree that the crossovers are lame, BTW (notice that I referred to M vs DC as “lamentable”); if they did them right, both companies would piss off their more fanatical fans.

Boldly going where no bold should ever have gone…

Argh. Sorry, folks.

tommy the cat, i think you have the second-coolest and funniest sig on the whole board (whoever took vonda’s i am… quote for a sig, cant remember who, you have the first funniest), but, i did think you made it up til lux fiat set me straight. whose is it really?

tommy’s sig came from The State, which was on MTV, possibly one of the funniest sketch comedies ever.

Superman could kick Batman’s butt, but it’d take a while. Anybody see Batman/Superman Adventures when Supe dressed up like Batboy? He was getting thrown around like a paper doll for a while, then just started throwing stuff onto the guy attacking him. I think he would do the same to Batman. Stand off a distance and just hurl crap at him all day long.

TheFunGuy is right on about my sig. I wish I were that clever, but I’m just damn good looking. Well, not really, but I can still dream. Anyways.

As far as synthesizing kryptonite goes, I seem to remember a certain multi-millionaire trying that, and it just made Supes go multi-personality. He eventually battled out of it and good triumphed over evil.
[sub]Yeah, I’m using Superman III as a reference, but it had Richard Pryor, Dammit![/sub]

Now assuming that all the elements can be found (and tar isn’t substituted for one of them) and kryptonite is synthesized successfully, that may change things. I still think that Superman would get out of harm’s way before Batman could use it on him.

That’s just off kilter enough to make sense, but still be funny. :smiley:

Better yet:

Superman vs. Spawn?
Batman vs. Nightcrawler?
Wolverine vs. Predator?
Aquaman vs. Hefty Smurf?

:smiley: I couldn’t resist…

punk snot dead


Bats DID synthesize kryptonite in TDKR, and maybe he hit Supes with the sonics so he couldn’t hear GA coming? I agree with the scenerio there. Bats would kick Sups pansy ass with any time at all to plan in advance.

Hefty by KO in under 10 seconds–unless the fight happens to take place in the midst of a large number of hungry sharks. Then it’s Hefty by KO in 20 seconds.

WierdDave, yeah I KNOW that he really did synthesize kryptonite. I didn’t say that he didn’t. I was just making light of the fact that the same scenario had played out in Superman III.

But back to the OP. I’ve seen The Superfriends. I’ve seen Superman push the entire Planet Earth out of a black hole. Any man that can do that could kick any man’s ass. Now, refute that if you can.

Getting back to Tommy the Cat’s remark about Batman hitting Superman with the sonic gun being “weak”, at first glance that would be correct under normal situations. If you remember, Superman had just recently recovered from his encounter with the Soviet’s “Coldbringer” nuclear weapon and wasn’t at his peak capabilities. At the beginning of the final battle, Bruce/Batman rigged up some hunter missiles to attack Superman so that he could see if he was fully recovered. When Superman triggered their launch by scanning the area with his X-ray vision, he had some difficulty eluding and destroying them. This hints that Superman isn’t exactly at his physical best and thus gives Batman a little more leverage in the fight. (Damn! I’m 36 years old and I know this crap? Something definitely wrong there…)

Ok, so to get it out of the way Supes would win. Look at it this way, Bruce Wayne is a genius with good detective skills, and lots of cool toys (e.g. $$$$$$$). The effective difference between him and Lex Luthor is Bruce’s martial arts ability, and being a “good guy”. We know that 'ol Lexie (President Luthor) gets his bald but kicked on a daily basis by Capital S, so Batman wouldn’t be any different.

Now, on to the real point of my post. Why is it always Batman vs. Superman? Why not Superman vs. Martian Manhunter or Batman vs. Steel (A much more even match in my opinion.)Or, most importantly, Superman vs. The Flash. Not just a race as has been previously portrayed, but a fight. Now, for those who discount the Flash. Lets run through a few things. 1.Knowing that an increase in speed relates to an increase in energy and mass, and that Flash can move objects fast enough to travel through time. He can hit somebody with the force of, let’s say, a planet. 2. He is of course the fastest man on Earth making him rather hard to hit. 3. In his most recent incarnation (last I saw, about a year ago)he can drain the speed from moving objects, not just add to it. If superman were moving at say 1 cm/h it wouldn’t be too hard to smack him around. 4.As I mentioned earlier, he can travel through time, so he could just go back and kick the crap out of baby Clarke Kent, but that wouldn’t be very sportsmanlike. I still think Superman would win of course. Superman always wins; that’s sort of the point. (Yes, yes, I know, Doomsday and all that, but any battle you survive is at least a partial success in my book.)The Flash, however, would certianly hold his own.

That’s it for my ranting. We now return you to your regularly scheduled poll already in progress.

One last little mention about sonic weapons vs. Superman: it’s ben established repeatidly that sonic attacks do fairly well against Superman (The downside of having supersensitive hearing). Electricity and psionic attacks also mess with him.

As was said before, give Batman a chance to plan a little, and superman is toast. Anyone catch the latest JLA story arc with Ras Al Ghul? He stole the bodies of Batman’s parents to keep him busy, then stole various weapons Batman had created in case the JLA went rogue. Using the weapons, Ras practically beat the entire JLA. (Examples: an altered kryptonite isotope for Superman. no longer fatal, the new red kryptonite put him in paralysing pain. A fear toxin gave Aquaman hyrophobia, which sucks for him since he has to have water or he grows weak and dies real quick. A series of nanites made The Martian Manhunter’s skin burst into napalm like flames, ect.).

Batman is a tactical genius.

He knows all of Superman’s weaknesses.

He’s ruthless.

He has access to advanced technology, as well as kryptonite.

He has access to magical artifacts (Another weakness of Superman).

So, once again, Superman in a fair fight, Batman with some time to prepare.

Onto the subject of crossovers, Did anyone else read the shitheap that was Access part II or whatever it was called? The final issue had the JLA vs. the X Men, and it had the X Men trouncing the JLA. Now, I can see Cyclopse giving Batman a decent fight, but Bishop beating the shit out of the Martian Manhunter? Cannonball bitchslapping Aquaman? Did the writer do ANY research on DC heroes before he wrote that thing?

And don’t get me started on Wolverine vs. Lobo. there wouldn’t have even been enough left of Logan’s corpse for dental records to be taken.