So that’s a vote for JohnClay reproducing? Cool, you’re the first!
Have… have you read his other threads?
Given the fact that both you and your wife have significant mental health issues (I gather from your own posting history), you’ll need to assume there is a high risk of your theoretical child having mental health issues as well. Between genetics and environment, it is practically a given.
Are you prepared to parent a child with significant mental health issues, similar to what you and your wife deal with?
Oh, and babies and toddlers are pretty cute, but they don’t stay that way for very long. Eventually those adorable babies turn into teenagers with stinky feet, body hair, hormones and bad attitudes.
I hope I’m scaring you. I mean to.
Parenting is not for sissies. You’ll be a parent for the rest of your life.
Just for the record, do you think that will be before or after he figures out what tears are for and why unrelentingly criticizing his wife causes her to produce them?
“I’m pretty ambivalent about this baby, but I guess I’ll keep it because we probably won’t have another. Overall I’d rate it about a 5/10, it’s pretty plump and ugly, and it can’t stop shitting itself. OK personality once it’s been fed, I guess.”
I don’t think any of this is real.
I agree. The final sentence in the OP nailed it for me.
God, I hope you’re right.
Yeah…as a child of two mentally ill people, I’ve been told by two psychiatrists of my acquittance that I’m awfully damn lucky to only have one problem out of the DSM (in May it’ll be classified “neurodevelopmental” neat). Most kids with parents like mine aren’t as lucky. You don’t even really want a kid, how are you going to cope with one who is unfortunate enough to inherit your issues?
People that want “a baby” remind me of starry-eyed teenagers who want to “get married.” Their imagination takes them to the alter and that’s it. When you have a baby, you have a child, a being that you are committed to its raising for the next 18 to 22 years, and then, forever after, to becoming a very important person to them for the rest of your life. You don’t have a “baby,” you have a human being and having one doesn’t just mean “Oh God, changing diapers!” it means putting in the work to raise a good, decent, moral person who will contribute to society and, if you are lucky, improve it.
JohnClay you seem to barely be qcquainted with who you are, much less be able to recognize the qualities which make a good parent. I say this with all the kindness I can muster: you have no idea what you are in for when you say you’d like to give your wife a kid. You don’t go to a battle of wits unarmed — and you certainly don’t go off to become a parent with vague notions that your wife tells you she’s heard other people maybe say you’d be a good father. Whoever you create deserves a parent who will cherish them and who wants children in their lives.
Why are you even married? You don’t appear to even like your wife, much less be in love with her. You seem to, at best, tolerate her. Divorce your wife, forget the baby idea, and put some major work into yourself before you resume any of the life-building tasks you discuss here.
That is, if you aren’t just a weird troll looking to push people’s buttons. :dubious:
Because I find my wife attractive and she is very affectionate (and fun) and she wanted marriage if I wanted to stay with her. Finding her attractive doesn’t mean I have to find every aspect of her above average.
I’m in a long term relationship and I am fairly realistic about the relationship… I’d rather have a long-lasting stable relationship than to just assume an initial honeymoon phase would last forever. I think that’s why Hollywood marriages don’t usually last.
She isn’t my idea of perfect in every way, but overall she’s a good package.
I said that to her indirectly and she doesn’t think that she’ll end up having a bigger belly after the pregnancy.
So you were coerced into marriage? Sounds like a recipe for success to me.
BTW in some of my threads I’m raving about how she’s a “low maintenance sex machine”… but people don’t like me saying that. That is a major reason why I married her. I guess you think I shouldn’t get married unless I find someone that I can rave about and never say that they might be about average or worse in looks. BTW to find someone like that would usually involve dating a lot of women, and with the pretty ones there is a lot of competition. Do you seriously think I could not only find a pretty girl that would go on multiple dates, but also get into a long term relationship with them? And it would be likely that they’re not as incredibly affectionate as my wife is. They might want me to do more for them in the bedroom (e.g. give them oral sex or something) And they might not like always having to “get me going” manually. And they mightn’t like that I don’t really have orgasms. It is unlikely that things are going to get better than they are. In the past I was very idealistic though. The girls who were interested in me at high school were normally only average looking - but I was infatuated with only the cutest of the girls in the school. I guess you think it is better if I found a girl I’d think about all the time and write poetry about, etc… but anyway my wife finds me very attractive JUST how I am. Sometimes I try and change her (e.g. I suggest she study child care or something) and she complains that she loves me exactly how I am and that I should do the same or something.
I’ve wanted to get married since I was a teenager. But anyway I think she’s the best I can do so I think I made a good decision. I don’t think that’s a bad thing to say… I mean if I believed that I could have done better surely I’d be regretting the marriage…
When I see stuff like this (assuming it’s real) I sit back and realize that it could be worse, I could live like this.
Mental illness only usually shows itself when they reach the teen years, and very often when they reach about 20 or so. BTW my wife regularly visits a place where mentally ill people hang out. Her friends are basically all mentally ill. You wouldn’t believe how many people in her family are mentally ill (including her brother who almost constantly hears voices). I’m the only one in my family besides some who have had mild depression. I’m not sure why so many in her family have mental illnesses. Her parents are mentally well - her mom even studied social work (and so did two of my wife’s sisters). BTW I think I’d rather they get schizophrenia than to cut themselves.
What if I’m right - that this is the best I can do… and I think that’s likely? What should I tell myself - that I have low self-esteem and deserve a hot girlfriend/wife? Please tell me…
Get the vasectomy as soon as possible.