Isn’t that the point of the MMP? 
Maybe, but we ain’t got nothin’ on Columbia, who get 18 statutory holidays a year – with as many as 3 falling in just one month. Slovenia sits just behind at 16, and Slovakia, Cyprus and Chile each have 15. Of course, that’s not enough to make me want to live in any of those places. 
No, that look is an order of magnitude worse, and is more involved. See, when holding a woman’s purse, it’s really just a temporary thing – 5, 10 minutes or so in which you either maintain the same arm length and position as when she handed it to you (in that “I’ve just been handed something I don’t know what to do with and don’t want associated with me” look) or try and hide it somehow. I don’t know anyone who attempts the latter, because it is patently impossible to hide a purse anywhere on a man’s body while still maintaining some level of cool.
Buying feminine hygiene products though, that usually involves some pleading and whining when first asked, generally followed by caving in to the demands. Once at the store, spend some considerable time searching for them. (The Man Code states that knowledge of where such things are kept in stores is not only forbidden, it should be treated as if they do not exist unless dire, life- or sex-threatening consequences force one to find out.) Once located, there are two ways to transport them:
- If you have other shopping to do in the store, bury the package well underneath whatever else is in your cart or basket and carry on
- If you have no other shopping to do, it should be carried in such a manner that as little of the package surface as possible is touched, and it should be ferried as quickly as possible to the checkout.
If at all possible, try and buy something else – something manly. DO NOT BUY CONDOMS. This is a rookie mistake. The inference made from someone carrying condoms and a pack of tampons or maxi-pads is too horrifying to contemplate, so if you really need condoms, buy them in a different transaction – at a different store. Of course, if you’re buying feminine hygiene products, you probably don’t need condoms just then anyway. Buy a can or stick of Axe, maybe some razor blades or shaving cream or a Harley. If the place you are at also happens to sell beer, so much the better. Non-alcoholic beer does not count.
Once at the checkout, there are two ways to deal with having to confront another human being – the cashier, and potentially whomever else might be in line – while in possession of a feminine hygiene product.
- Dump the product(s) unceremoniously on the counter and look annoyed while fishing for your wallet.
- Place the product on the counter and do not look at it, or the cashier. Act like it doesn’t exist, and that the only reason you are there, giving the cashier money, is to settle a tab.
In either case, do not engage the cashier in smalltalk, as this will only betray your embarrassment, and ask to have the product(s) double-bagged. If the bags are particularly thin and translucent, ask for three. If the bags are clear, void the purchase and go to another store.
So sayeth The Man Code.
