Before I take my cat back to the shelter

In My Humble Opinion
1

Any and all advice would be appreciated.

I’ve asked about this in the MMP, but now I’m asking for any other advice that can be offered.

Mid April I adopted a car from the local shelter. The only thing I was looking for was an adult, healthy cat that gets along with dogs and was on the quiet side. I was hoping for a mouser as well but I know those things can’t be predicted.

The only residents of my house are me, my adult son, and my old dog is who mostly blind and almost totally deaf. My house is quiet and not very active.

I adopted a 2 year old male cat, very shy. In fact, I didn’t even see him at first because he was hiding under his towel. He was turned in by his previous owner because of a break up. He came from a house with other cats and dogs and it was noted that he is shy and needs a quiet, child-free home.

I put him, a litter box, food and water in an used bedroom and left the door open. For days he wouldn’t come out of the corner and if we approached him he’d run from corner to corner trying to hide.

We left him alone for about two weeks (other than a trip to the vet). Then we tried drawing him out with a toy on a string, no interest from him. I tried treats, canned food, and tuna, no interest from him.

I also tried feliway.

My son worked with him more than I did. If got to the point where he’d let my son pet him. Then he started hissing at my son if he came into the room, so my son would give him food and water and leave.

We got to a point where I could pet him, with him meowing the whole time. Then he suddenly starting running away from me and trying to hide in the corner.

Every time I see him he is hiding in the corner. At his point I am leaving him alone again. I clean the litter box and leave.
If he looks at me I close my eyes, or turn my back to him, but most of the time he tries to hide his face so I can’t see him.

We know he comes out of the bedroom sometimes because he scratched at the carpet in the hallway. We also know he plays with his catnip mice because they are moved around the bedroom.

The shelter has no problem with us bringing him back because we gave it a good try. I think it is no life for a cat to hide in corners all day, so while I feel bad about taking him back, I also feel like it may be the best thing for him. Maybe he’ll never be happy anywhere, or maybe somebody else will be a better match for him.

I don’t know if adopting another cat who is friendlier would help, or make it worse.

2

I’d suggest trying to find a middle ground between actively engaging the cat (treats, tuna, toys), and just ignoring the cat.

One thing I’ve done with adopting a new cat is to just hang out in the room where the cat is. Sit and read a book, maybe reading out loud for a while so he gets used to your voice. Don’t make a big production of it if the cat comes out of hiding, just let him sit where he wants. He might gradually come out of his shell.

3

I’ve done that, but maybe I could try doing it again.

4

Does the cat have any high places to hang out?

If not, get a sizable cat tree and put it in front of a window. The cat can be off the ground, overseeing both the room and watching anything going on outside.

Then leave the cat alone when it is on the tree to give it some space and comfort.

5

He has a tree but it’s not very high.
That is a good idea to try.

6

I hope you’re able to keep him. He sounds like he really needs someone.

7

My words to your eyes, my friend.

I have a cat. He’s an older cat. His name is Barley.

I know the guy who runs the local animal society. I took my girls there to get kittens about two years ago. Despite reports of hundreds there were none adoptable when we went there so we looked at other cats.

One was Melvin - since renamed Barley - and he was the most scared cat ever. At least 10 years old he’d been found on the road a year ago. Beautiful black and white long hair he’d been adopted by a family six months ago and then returned after three months for being ‘too scared’.

We took him home. He spent the first month-plus hiding between the washer and dryer in the laundry room coming out only to eat and hit the litter box.

We gave him time. At month four he started hanging out on the dining chairs where he could sit under the overhang. After a while he’d come and sit on the back of the couch near us. Occasionally he’ll just walk up and demand to be petted. It lasts for a minute or two and then he leaves.

Now it’s been two years. He comes and goes - there’s a cat door as we eventually got kittens, too - and lives his elder years lying in the sun and accepting the occasional bit of worship from his humans.

Or, to sum up, give it time. Every cat has its own schedule and you never can tell what’s in the background to make them trust at a slower pace.

8

He does.

I fee sorry for him.

9

I wish there was a way to know for sure. He has taken some forward steps, and then goes backwards again.
I just want for him to be happy and maybe that isn’t going to happen here.

10

Hanging out in the room without pressing contact and providing a high place are things you should definitely try.

I would also definitely do the following:

Wear an old t-shirt for a couple of days (or nights) and then leave it in the room so it gets accustomed to your scent. After a few days I would replace it with another worn t-shirt so the scent is refreshed.

Also (this I would do after a few days of just sitting there reading/ minding my own business) is play with a cat toy. Bat a ball around or something, privately, without trying to get him to play. Just make it look interesting. After a few days he might be tempted to participate. I’m not sure if it would be best to use an already existing toy for this (i.e. one of “his” toys) or if it should be a toy that you bring in and out of the room specifically for that purpose.

Best of luck.

11

Give him time.

Remember, it’s not you. If you take him back he’ll take even longer with the next people to build trust. Be patient, give him the time to make his own forward decisions and leave him to do it. You’ll get there.

12

He sounds like he’s been extremely traumatized before he came to you. Four months isn’t very long at all for a kitty like that. I think to return him now would traumatize him even more.

You and your son are JUST what he needs. Patient, quiet people. Please give him more time. He may not show it but he needs YOU not more upheaval. Let him come around in his own time. My heart goes out to all of you.

13

I have been privileged to have a few truly wonderful cats.

I don’t have a cat now because of a string of ones ‘broken’ like yours - completely freaked out and avoiding all but the most select and cautious human contact, running from anything new. There was no common thread among them in gender, age, interaction with dogs, anything. They just “broke” one day and were never pets again. (This is in a tremendously pet-experienced and -loving household, BTW.)

My mother had a pair of cats that started feral and only tolerated her. Years of work never made them any more trusting of other humans.

I won’t get another cat because I neither want to put up with a terrified, slinking dependent that won’t come near anyone, nor do I want to have to… deal with it.

Look, I love animals so much I’ve put myself into dangerous situations to protect them, and a dead squirrel in the road can make me tear up a bit. But the bottom line is, in my experience, once a cat blows that fuse, it’s suitable only for a single person with few visitors. I would work with the shelter to find an older man or woman willing to tolerate a year of skittishness before they own anything like a cat.

And in the end, maybe the kindest thing is to put such poor things out of their endless misery. I don’t know that I’d want to live in a world filled with huge, terrifying, menacing figures chasing me around.

14

Let me tell you how I met one of my cats, Lucky.

The first house I rented in Las Vegas back in 1996 came with a cat. The family that owned the house had 2 young daughters, and once upon a time they wanted a kitten. They got a black kitten and named him Lucky. A year or two later they wanted a puppy, so they got a puppy. The claim to me was that the cat and the dog didn’t get along, so they had taken the cat to live on their rental property. He lived outdoors, under a shed. Every month they brought me a bag of food for him.

I fed him every evening. I’d fill the bowl, which was placed near the shed, about 30 feet from the back door of the house. I’d just fill the bowl and then go back inside. I did this for about 2 months. Then I started filling the bowl and remaining outside (but not within 20 feet of the food bowl) for 15-20 minutes before going back inside. After a week or two, Lucky would start to edge out from under the shed before I had gone inside.

After a couple of months, Lucky was eating while I was still outside. I brought a lawn chair out and put it next to the door. I’d fill his bowl and then sit in the chair. When Lucky came out from under the shed, I’d sit and talk to him in a slow, steady tone. Each week I’d move his bowl a few feet closer to my chair.

6 weeks of this had him eating less than 3 feet away from me while I sat and talked to him. It took less than 2 weeks before he was coming close so I could pet him. Once I was petting him, it took less than a month to coax him inside.

Once he was inside, he had to deal with my 2 cats, Mao and Graham. He hid. He hid so well that I had multiple girlfriends over the next few years who didn’t know I had 3 cats. But after Mao and Graham passed away, Lucky was the most affectionate, most wonderful cat a human could ask to care for. He spent as much time as possible on my lap or by my side for the next few years of his life, until I lost him to a brain tumor.

Lucky spent 13 years of his life with me and my life was better for having him in it.
Let me tell you about Heidi.

Heidi was a beautiful long hair calico that I adopted after Lucky passed away. She was a scaredy cat, too. As soon as I got her home she ran into my closet and under a bureau. She was able to get far enough back under it that even when I was laying down on the floor I could barely reach her. For 2 months I would spend about an hour a day laying on the floor, talking to her (telling her her name, mostly) and singing to her (telling her her name and how pretty she was). At the end of 2 months, she was letting me reach under and touch her without hissing. Sometimes she would even move her head so I was scritching some place she wanted scritched.

After 3 months in the house, she started coming out to eat while I was awake, mostly while I was sitting at my computer. After 4 months she was coming to me to be petted but if I moved or tried to get up, she’d go hide. I continued to sing to her, but stopped laying on the floor: if she wanted to be petted she had to make some effort. By 6 months she was sitting in my lap regularly and sleeping on the bed with me.

Heidi spent the next 4 years of her life with me, until she too passed away.

Scaredy cats can change, but it takes a lot of time and sublime efforts on the part of their humans, IMO. They want your love and affection and want to give it back, but their fear over rides everything else. Familiarity is the thing that best conquers that fear, IME. So go slow; go glacially slow.

15

I’d say it depends on what you want out of a pet cat. I’ve read, and believe, that if kittens are not socialized with numerous people before about 12 weeks of age, they are fearful of people and won’t become “good” pets, as most people define that word. Certainly, if a cat is an adult and is fearful of and wants to avoid people, I don’t see much hope that the behavior you describe will change much. I have friends who adopted a stray cat about four years ago, and despite lots of care and affection, the cat is still very much similar to what you describe.

I realize this sounds harsh, but I would take the cat back and find one who is friendly, outgoing and likes people. Who wants a scaredy-cat for a pet? Even the best cats are loners and temperamental compared to dogs, but one like you describe isn’t worth the time and effort and affection.

16

I have one success and one failure with very frightened cats.

Midnight was a big black female I took in for a rescue organization who thought she might benefit from my calm and friendly male cat. We gave her all the space she could want, doing many of the things mentioned above - just living our life around her, but not insisting she participate, talking to her, staying in the room with her when she was fed, etc. Three years in and she never warmed up to us. She would, in fact, chase us out of the room whenever she could, spitting, hissing, screaming, and clawing at us. She fought with my male cat every chance she could, several times hurting him enough that he needed a vet visit. I finally had to throw in the towel and give her back to the rescue organization. I have no idea what had occurred in her life to make her so mean, but there was apparently no curing it.

On the other hand, there was Tuki, a male Siamese. He had been owned by an elderly lady who passed away, and for years had enjoyed a male cat friend who had passed away shortly before the owner. Again, he was placed with me because I had a calm male cat they thought would be good for him. Tuki was never mean, but very very scared. He was like a ghost in our home for nearly a year. Then, shortly before Christmas (our Christmas miracle that year) he decided that he was safe. One morning I woke to find him sitting in the kitchen with my two (then) teenage sons as they ate breakfast. He stayed in the kitchen with me and my hubs while we ate ours, too. Then he followed our male cat into the living room and curled up on the couch as though he’d always belonged there. Tuki turned into a very sweet guy, becoming a lap cat and a purring machine. With him, all it took was patience and letting him go through his process.

I’ve learned that there is no one scenario that works, and that not all cats are recoverable. But when it works, it is the best feeling on earth. Hang on a little longer with yours if you can. You may get your own Christmas miracle. :slight_smile:

17

Me, too.

18

Thanks to everyone for the advice.

Half-elf, I will try both of those.

JC- I know if I take him back it probably will be harder for the next person.

Thank you Helena.

Thank you for the support Snowboarder Bo.

Amateur Barbarian and Orwell, you both bring up the thing I’m afraid of and that is that this cat may be broken and cannot be fixed. I have no idea what he went through in his previous home, or what he went through before that. For all I know he never warmed up to his previous family either and that could be the real reason they gave him up.
It has to be a lonely existence for him.
I do want a pet Orwell, right now he is just an eating/pooping machine.

I think you were quite generous to give Midnight three years SOBS.

We’ve talked it over and decided to give it a little more time. We’re going to try Flytrap.

19

:slight_smile:

20

Yes! And there’s something particularly special about when a super-shy cat finally shows you he trusts you. It makes it all worth the wait.