:dubious:
Humor.
It is a difficult concept.
Just the point that if you have a frightened cat you’re trying to make more comfortable, staring straight in their eyes is threatening behavior, which is counter-productive to the whole “make them feel more comfortable and at home” thing.
When you’re looking at them and they meet your gaze, do the slow blink, look away and then look ‘around’ them (at their tail, paws, etc) while softly smiling, just not for too long.
Others have suggested being in the room with the cat going about your business but ignoring him. I’ll echo that but describe it in my own favorite way – you have a powerful too for socializing a frightened animal: boredom.
Take a book, laptop, or TV (I prefer books because they are so silent) into the area the cat frequents and simply hang out for long periods. Every time I’ve tried this, the cat eventually comes over to check me out, often just to sit near me, but not touching me, in the “cat loaf” position. Let him see you are a cohabitant but not threatening.
What’s the Feliway for? That’s supposed to keep cats away from stuff, right? are you spraying it in “his” room to encourage him to leave it?
Also, what’s Flytrap (mentioned and bolded)?
It’s so frustrating to have a pet that wants nothing from you except that you feed it and then leave it alone. Our guinea pigs were like that - bolted in terror whenever we even reached into feed them. A cat must be much more frustrating! I’ve never been in your shoes, as the three cats who owned me at varying times were very fond of their humans.
For folks who have tamed scaredy-cats: would adding another cat to the mix conceivably be helpful? I have no idea how bad or good an idea that is.
No, it’s cat pheromones which allegedly calms them down. I’ve had mixed results with it, FWIW.
I’d suggest it’s better to wait until after the scaredy-cat is comfortable with you. That’s what I did, and it’s worked out wonderfully.
This reply has been tackied by the tackinator!
Flytrap is Carnivorous Plant’s nickname.
Another cat might help, but the OP has already heard all about it from me, so I’ll keep it short. It will depend on the cat(s).
You are not socializing the cat, with the family, by letting it have a room to retreat to.
Move the food and water bowls to a more social location. Maybe the kitchen or a bathroom.
Anecdotal evidence: Our cat, Dallas, was thrown out of a car window into a Min-Mart parking lot, as a kitten. She was given to my MIL and lived in an old lady house for a couple of years. MIL had a mild stroke and went into assisted livening.
So we got a new cat about 18 years ago.
Hated men!! HATED MEN!!
But he chore of feeding the new cat fell to me. I am in charge of taking out the garbage, the yard, the garden, compost, etc. The usual rural man stuff.
I let the new, man hating, cat’s bowl go empty. She started mewing so I filled the bowl right in front of her. It wasn’t very long before she associated food with me. I am her favorite person now.
Do not isolate the new cat by allowing a room of its own.
Thanks again everybody!
I think you are right Dallas, I’m going to work on getting him out of the bedroom and into the rst of the house.
I’ve already moved his food into the hallway, I’m going to move the litter box out there as well.
I don’t think it’ll work to just pick him up and move him, so I’ll do it in stages.
I’m glad you’re putting in the effort, Sahirrnee.
About five months after our beloved Harvey died suddenly, it was time to get a new cat. The local animal shelter seems (anecdotally) loath to part with their charges, so we didn’t try them. Instead we searched NOAH. Mrs. L.A. searched the cats to find the one that had been there the longest. She found two that had been there for half a year or more, and we decided to adopt them both. As it turned out, the female had been adopted the morning we went to get the cats; so we brought Tonka home. He’s been at NOAH for six months, and had been in a shelter in Spokane (the other side of the state). He’d lost half or more of his tail at some point in his life. And he was said to be eight years old. (Our vet said he was younger.)
As I said, it took him a month or so to get used to us. We’re glad we took him in. He’s a fat, happy boy. 
He won’t cuddle, but he likes to be close.
I feel so sorry for him really. He never looks happy.
It’s okay if he never gets too cuddly. My Stormy cat that I had years ago would never cuddle even though I got her as a kitten and cuddled her a lot. Her mother was feral and she was the only surviving kitten in the litter. I got her at 6 weeks because her mother was dying, and while she was a nice cat she was never quite tame. She followed me everywhere, greeted me when I came home from work, sometimes would sit in my lap. Pet her, and she’d shred your hand.
She was good but not demanding company.
He’ll look happy once he’s socialised. Tonka doesn’t purr loud enough to hear, but you can tell he’s happy. He jumps up on the couch next to me, sometimes follows me to bed, and usually greets me at the door when I come home from work.
My mom’s cat took a long time to come around. Like, we’re talking the cat spent at least a year curled up in the corner of my father’s den. She didn’t hiss at us when we’d pet her, but you could tell she was terrified and troubled.
But fast-forward four years or so and she’s a different cat. She’s not the most affectionate thing in the world, but she practically lives in my mother’s lap and she allows other people to pet her without spazzing out.
Just an update.
I took Percy cat back to the shelter. It was one step forward, two steps back. One day I could pet him, the next he’d run and try to hide. He started hissing at my son again, and my son was the one who fed him. Another thing that bothered was that I thought he might be sick and I wasn’t sure how I was going to get him to take him to the vet. He wasn’t sick, but that’s not fair to have an animal you can’t get to the vet if you need to.
And while this is not the reason I took him back, I expect a certain amount of damage from a pet, he started peeing on my clothes and trashed the carpet in the hallway.
I think he would have never been happy here.
So the shelter took him back. It’s a no kill shelter and they said as soon as they put him in a cage he settled right in and went to sleep.
Maybe he’ll be adopted again and I hope he finds a happy home.
On the plus side, I adopted another cat and he couldn’t be more different than Percy. He jumped right out of the carrier and started exploring. He was a little cautious at first, and wary of my son and the dog, but in within 24 hours he claimed the house as his own, was patting me for attention, rolling on the floor, escorting me to the bathroom, and caught his first mouse. He darted out the door his second day here but came back on his own. I had heated up some canned cat food in the microwave, took it outside, I heard a meep, and there he was. I picked him up and brought him in, no problem, except he really, really, really wants to go outside all the time.
He’s sweet, he’s smart, and very affectionate.
http://i1277.photobucket.com/albums/y494/folwawup/house/New%20Kitty/20161021_222205_zpsp6a7ebug.jpg
I like the idea of feed and ignore mostly, keep your advances light and short. Cats sometimes come around slow but once they come around they are pretty loyal.
I hope he finds a home where he can be happy.
I miss him in a way, but I think it was the best thing for him.