I just ran across an article this morning about a baseball fan whose last name happens to be “Choate.” I was immediately reminded of pitcher Randy Choate, and I’ve long believed that to be one of the most unfortunate names in baseball. There is something really, really wrong with the word “Choate.” It conjurs up…unpleasant imagery.
Anyway, it struck me as a good time to start up a conversation about some of the best and worst names (and please feel free to give your reasoning) in all of sports. So bring me your Dick Trickles, your Milton Bradleys, your Coco Crisps, and all the rest!
I’ve posted some of these before. Sadly, most of the guys with great names didn’t live up to those names.
Examples?
In the Seventies, the NY Jets had a head coach named Charlie Winner. Sadly, he WASN’T a winner (he only got the job because he was Weeb Ewbank’s son-in-law).
Around the same time, the Phillies had a mediocre pitcher named Billy Champion.
The Texas Longhorns had a very good defensive back (he later played for the Chargers) named Quentin Jammer.
The Eagles had a pretty good receiver named Mike Quick.
Decades ago, there was a very good defensive first baseman named Vic Power. Legend has it that he was SUPPOSED to be the Yankees’ first black player, but GM George Weiss traded him because there were rumors that Power liked white women.
Swisher is a rather unfortunate surname for a baseball hitter. Steve (the father) was a catcher, who sort of lived up to (down to?) his name, with a career .216 batting average. Nick (his son), an outfielder / first baseman, hits better than his father (.252 career average, with some power).
The Buffalo Bills currently have a cornerback named Reggie Corner. I can’t think off the top of my head of any player who’s ever shared a name with his own position.
A pitcher named Bob Walk doesn’t exactly have an ideal name.
A person who’s name isn’t ideal in any circumstance was Lucious Pusey, who played football for a college in Illinois. The mockery got so bad he had to change his name.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the definitive work on the subject, featuring such luminaries as James Baby, Wonderful Terrific Monds III, and Ugly Dickshot.
Mickey Klutts and Clyde Kluttz: their careers–as one might expert–weren’t that spectacular. Yet the fact these players were able to make it all the way to the major leagues with those last names is itself especially remarkable.
THere was an NFL quarterback in the 1950s named Willie Thrower. He didn’t do much but then he was Black so he didn’t get much of a chance.
Scott Speed didn’t show enough in either F1 or NASCAR so he is unemployed and suing his last employer Red Bull.
There was a baseball player named Horace Speed who stole four bases.
The Mets once had a minor league player named Ronald McDonald. I don’t think he ever made the bigs. But he was always asked “how could your parents give you such a name?” He replied that he was five years old when McDonald’s came up with their clown, his parents had no way of knowing.
There was an NFL player named Cleveland Pittsburgh Crosby. He played for the Baltimore Colts.
Shirley Povich was a male sports writer with the Washington Post. His parents were Jews from Lithuania and apparently it was not uncommon for boys over there to be named “Shirley”.